Esther's Story

"Thanks," she handed him back the empty cup. "I definitely needed the caffeine rush, although the kids are not the problem."

He nodded his head. "They seemed pretty nice. At least the ones I met last night anyway."

She smiled, "They are pretty good. Most of them anyway." She crossed the room and grabbed the dark blue letter men's jacket that hung on the coat rack behind the door.

"I'll see you this evening then" she fumbled for words. What did one say to one's lover after an amazing romp in the morning? It was not a dilemma that Esther had faced often.

"Yeah, I should have the haunted house down by then. Maybe we can cut up those pumpkins and get them boiling then before they go off. Should have everything packed away this evening," he assured her.

Esther turned and smiled weakly at his words. It seemed that now that the Halloween festivities were over the man could not wait to be on the road again. Not that she blamed him. Not that she had any claim to him or his time. She was just one of the many stops on his journey.

"Yeah, well, thanks for all your help," she said as she opened the door and rushed through it. Trying to make it to the old pick-up before the flood began. She made. Just barely. And by the time that she arrived at the local high school fifteen minutes later, she had stymied their flow. Even if the eye shadow and mascara were long since gone. Then again her students were not used to her wearing them anyway. But the swollen red eyes, those they had grown used to.

CHAPTER SIX

Esther was just entering the final test grades into the computer Friday afternoon when Rob Waters, the English department head popped his head into her classroom.

"Glad you are still here. I was afraid you would be gone already. Heading out to the big game and all," then he paused as if remembering that she had not attended football games since Tommy's death.

He cleared his throat. "Anyway, if you could stop by Principal Mann's office. There is something we need to discuss with you."

Esther nodded, "I'll be there in a couple of minutes. Just let me shut down my computer." The man looked like he would argue, but then nodded and turned towards the hallway, adding "Make it quick. The rest of us need to head out for the game. Tyler is quite a little ways away."

Esther fought back the tightness in her throat. She had been expecting this all week. So why were her hands trembling as they hit the keys that would start the shut-down process with the ancient machine?

Ever since the hearing two days ago that had given temporary custody of Joey to his paternal grandmother, she knew that this town or rather the men who ran it would demand their pound of flesh, vengeance for what she had done. What she had to do to protect an innocent child. What she knew she would again if necessary.

But none of that changed what she knew was to come. Oh, she might not know exactly what they had in mind, but she knew what they wanted. Her...gone. From this school, from this town, from everything that she had known for most of her life. Hell, from the face of the earth if they could manage it.

She squared her shoulders, lifted her head and took a deep cleansing breath. But there was nothing that they could do to her. Nothing that really mattered anyway. Fire her? She could get another job, even in this economy. Twenty years of teaching and with connections outside of this small minded community, it might take her a couple of weeks or even a month but she could do it.

Question was...did she want to? As much as she loved teaching, the teens reminded her daily of all that she had lost. Their enthusiasm, their laughter, even the damned football were a constant reminder of Tommy and happier times.

So what did she want?

A smile played at her lips. The image of Michael's naked body wrapped about her in the bed danced through her mind. She had slept each night this week in his arms, awoken each morning to coffee flavored kisses and wallowed in the sheets with his god-like body morning and night.

She reminded herself, this was all just temporary. Even though he had kept his promise, the haunted house and all the other decorations had been packed away before she got home from school on Tuesday. That night they cut and boiled the pumpkin, leaving it to cool on the kitchen counter overnight.

He had pulled out the sheets and blankets to make his bed on the couch, but changed his mind when he saw her standing in the hallway in her night gown. She held out her hand and he took it following her down the hall without a word.

He had not said anything more about sleeping on the couch or leaving but Esther knew it was coming. Knew that this was all just a dream. And knocking lightly on the closed door of the principal's office, she had the distinct feeling it was going to end sooner than she wanted.

"Come in," was the gruff reply.

Esther froze in the door way. She should not have been surprised, but looking about the room she noted that in addition to the principal and Rob, there was also Mayor John Monroe, Cassie's grandfather, and Joshua Meadows, the PTA President and her uncle.

But she refused to be beaten. Not by these men. Not with the secrets that she had held for so long. Holding her head high, she said "You wanted to see me."

"Yes, Miss Jackson. Please have a seat," he commanded.

"I think I'll stand if you don't mind. This should not take long," she heard her words and was pleased to note the authority with which they rang out. Even if it was a bit of a show.

The man cleared his throat nervously. "Yes, well, I suppose that will be fine. We have called you here today because there has been a complaint made against you by one of our parents. In regards to your moral turpitude clause. She feels that you are not setting a good example for the young people with your recent behavior."

"My recent behavior?" she refused to be baited by these people.

"Yes, well, it has come to our attention that you have a...guest...shall we say staying with you. For almost week now. A man. This parent just does not feel that is appropriate behavior of a woman in your position."

"What position would that be, Principal Mann? A respected and award-winning teacher?"

He looked at his hands folded on the desk. Esther thought she saw them tremble a bit. But it was Joshua Meadows, who was to respond. "Yes, a teacher and a single woman whose son just died. Seems to me that now the boy is gone you are quick enough to show your true colors."

Esther shook with anger. "What colors would that be, Mister Meadows? Black? It never seemed to bother you when you tried to hit on me at Tommy's ball games. Or have you forgotten the number of times that I turned you down? How I never told your precious wife about your dallying? Was that your first wife or your second? What number are you on by now? Five? Six? Why do these stupid women keep thinking they can change you? If you cheated with them, it is certain that you will cheat on them."

"Well, I never. After all this town has done, taking you and that bastard of yours in when you had nowhere else to go," it was the mayor's turn to get in his digs now.

"What has this town done for me? Talked behind my back, shunned me and my child so that we always were on the slide lines. No matter that you got a teacher who graduated with honors or one of the best captains of this lousy football team has ever had. We more than pulled our own weight."

"As for moral turpitude, how about the morality of turning your blind eye as your grand-daughter beats and abuses her son? That's what this is really all about. You blame me for reporting Cassie to social services." All eyes turned towards her, mouths open wide.

"Well, you are right. I did report her. But I was smart enough not to call the local office. You all have them under your thumbs like everything else in this god-forsaken hell hole. I emailed a friend in Austin; someone I knew would not be frightened or swayed by your pressure. And you know what I would do it again."

Turning to face the principal, she continued, "So here's how this is going to play out, gentlemen. As the song says, you can take this job and shove. I ain't working here no more. But the official record will include no mention of any moral turpitude or any other bull shit." Pinning Rob with her gaze, "Why, you ask? Because if you do, I'll make a phone call to another of my Austin friends at the Fair Labor Board. And I will cry racial discrimination. By the time I'm done with this stupid town it and all of you won't have two pennies to rub together. And when or if someone calls you for a reference, it damn well better be as glowing as I deserve."

Her hands on her hips, she met each gaze and held them until it was them who looked away. "So now if you will excuse me, gentlemen, as you say I have company to entertain."

Esther never knew what possessed her; certainly the women at the Pentecostal church would have sworn it was some demon. But she turned and swayed her round hips. Her hand hovered in the air as she slapped her ass. The sound rang through the room as she smiled, "Ya'll enjoy your football game now."

With her head held high and a broad smile on her face, she walked out of the office, down the long hall to the entry way. She stopped and stared for a moment at the glass trophy case and its large center piece, the state championship and most valuable player award that bore Tommy's name. Her fingers played across the cold glass as her smile faded.

She made it out the door, down the steps and across the parking lot to her truck before the tears began in earnest. She could barely see for the moisture that pooled in their brown depths as she pulled out of that parking lot...for the last time.

She might not know where she was going or what she would do, but it had to be better than this place.

***

Esther's foot drug along the cold cement porch as she swung back and forth. She had barely touched the wonderful Italian diner that Michael had made. She had spoken only when he asked a question. He had insisted on washing up the dishes, wrapping a jacket about her shoulders and shooing her out here.

It was a good thing too. Esther's mind had been playing and replaying this afternoon's events like the coaches showing films of bad plays after each game. She did not know what she had expected once she made the decision that she should have months ago. She supposed this afternoon was pretty much in keeping with this place and these people.

But that did not mean it did not hurt just the same. For twenty-five years, since she arrived in this town with her shining new teaching degree with honors and a two year old with dirty blond curls, deep brown eyes and a never-ending smile, she had done all she could to fit in, to give her son a sense of small town community that was vanishing from this world.

At first she had faithfully attended the Methodist Church, even teaching Sunday School for a couple of years. She had enrolled Tommy in Scouts, Little League and everything else she could afford. Hell, she had even attended the monthly meetings in the town hall for a couple of years.

But none of it had mattered to these people. They had always remained outsiders. The town was closed off to new comers, city folks. But it was worse for Esther and her son.

Her own mixed heritage rose more than its share of brows in this community. For the first time in her life, she had appreciated the type of prejudice that her mother and father must have experienced during the early days of their marriage. The rich Jewish girl from New York marrying the oldest son of the Southern Baptist minister and civil right leader. Of course, by the time that Esther could remember much they were both professors at a predominantly black university. The world in which she grew up lived comfortably in shades of grey...and light brown.

They had both wanted Esther to attend the college where they taught and it did have a magnificent reputation within the education community. But like so many only children, she longed to spread her wings, escape from their watchful eyes and live for a bit. When she received a full scholarship to a state school, it was an easy choice for her.

But not for her parents. When two years later, she gave birth to Tommy out-of-wedlock; they had insisted she come home, so they could help. Esther refused, swallowing her pride long enough to accept the check from Tommy's other grandfather. The check that admitted no rape, no paternity, but enabled her to finish college and even put a modest down payment on this house.

Truth was that she had never given her son the one thing she had wanted most...a sense of belonging. And today proved that.

Studying her hands that did not lie about her age, the years showing in each crease and dark brown age spot, she inhaled, a cleansing breathe. Nothing was to be done about the past, not now. But what of the future?

Unemployed in your late forties in this economy was not a good combination. She supposed she could send out an email to a few of her colleagues across the state or even the country. But she was not sure that she wanted to go back to teaching. Not anymore.

Of course, the good part was that this place had been paid off right after Tommy finished college and left for the Marines. In fact, she supposed that she could make a bit of a profit if she put the house on the market. It might not fetch a high price, but it was likely to be double what she paid for it.

She was glad too that she had put off buying a new truck. Instead she had repaired and maintained the one that she had purchased the year that Tommy got his license. It was her one splurge, a brand shining new red pick-up. More for him than her. She had let him borrow it often enough on Friday and Saturday nights while in high school and even college. He loved that truck. She had always planned to give it to him when he came home, get herself one of those little hyperids.

So the good news was that she owned her home and vehicle free and clear. The bad news was that as many good memories as both held for her, she really did not want to stay in this place anymore.

She chuckled. Perhaps it was all just a mid-life crisis. How had in the space of a single week everything in her life changed so completely?

The light knock from inside the screen door answered her question. "Come on out, Michael," she answered.

He smiled as he joined her in the swing, but again she noticed that it did not reach those magnificent blue-grey eyes. They sat silently rocking back and forth for a couple of minutes. The only sounds were the crickets and this time of year their songs were quieter and fewer, the rapidly approaching winter encroaching on them as well.

"I finished up the dishes and started packing," his words cut through her musings. She felt the tightness welling in her chest. She forced herself to nod. She had known that this moment was coming. Hell, truth be told he should have left days ago.

His job here was done. Others had need of him. That was what this man was about...honor. As he said 'checking in on the men and women who served with him and the families of those who never made it home.' She was just one of those families. Nothing more, she told herself.

She forced words past her dry throat, "When will you be leaving?"

She watched him fidget with his hands. Hands that had known her body intimately. Hands that had brought her pleasure like she had never known.

His voice was quiet when he finally spoke. "Tomorrow morning, I suppose."

She bobbed her dark head in acknowledgement. It was all she could manage. She wondered for a moment if she told him what happened today would he still leave. Or would his honor dictate that he stays, help her through a few more dark days to come?

But she knew that she would not do that. Would never tell him the truth. Others needed him and she had no real hold over this man. She never had and never would. Just two strangers offering one another what comfort they could the long dark nights with their smoky, bloody nightmares.

"Do you need any help? I mean packing that is," she asked.

He shook his head. She noticed that even in the brief space of a week the salt-and-pepper locks on his head had grown. They were distinctly more curl at the ends. She could not stop her fingers from reaching up to caress their softness. In some way, it reminded her of how she once played with Tommy's soft blond curls. Moisture gathered in her dark eyes, making it hard to see.

His fingers wrapped about hers drawing them to his lips. He pressed a soft kiss to the back of her hand, and then turned it, pressing another to her palm. Her eyes must have been cloudier than they seemed because she swore she saw a tear spill from the corner of those blue pools as he spoke.

"I didn't plan this. Any of this. God, I wish." He stopped and stared off into the darkness, the moon that had shown so brightly just days ago hiding her countenance and her rays that might have offered more clues to this man and what it was he truly wished.

"Esther, you have to know I hate leaving like this. If things were different. If I were different. If I had anything besides blood on my hands and the sounds of bombs ringing in my ears. If..." He brought her hand to his lips once more.

"Well, just if. You are an amazing woman. Smart and beautiful. And one thing I know with everything inside of me is that Tommy would not want you wasting away in this place. He would want you out there. Finding the happiness that you deserve."

She choked at his words. Words that so mirrored her earlier thoughts. He was right. Tommy would not want her to stay in this place.

But he was wrong about something else...he had everything she needed and wanted. The past week had been the best of her life, aside from the joy of raising Tommy. She could let that ride away tomorrow morning or she could fight to keep at least a part of it.

A secret smile curving her lips she stood with her hand still in his. "Then I have an idea of how I want to finish this good-bye, Michael." She leaned down and whispered something in his ear that made his ears turn decidedly red again. Then she tugged gently and he followed her into the bedroom.

***

Standing in the window of her bedroom, she watched him throw his duffle bag into the compartment on his bike. Looking at the matching green bag that lay half open on her bed, she hoped there was room in there for another. What she really hoped was that there was room in his life for her.

She was not naïve little college girl anymore. She was not chasing after the quarterback, hoping for some crumb of gratitude for writing his papers. She was a woman, a grown woman, a woman that had raised a son on her own, had borne the prejudice of this small town for most of her life. She was also a woman yearning to break free of all of it.

She might not know how long this thing between them would last. How long this passion would burn brighter than the North Star. But one thing she did know was that she wanted to find out. For once in the past quarter of a century, she was going to take a chance. Live her life and taste passion and adventure.

Turning back towards the bed before she lost her courage, she reached for the top drawer of the night stand. She started to pull out the leather bound volume, the latest in the collection that collected dust under the bed.

Instead her fingers found the cold, metal of the notebook computer that she had bought last month. It had been a whim; she had encouraged her students to explore this brave new world of cyber space, assigning them to create a blog. An online journal like the leather bound ones that had been her solace for all of her life.