Lost and Found Ch. 01

We undressed each other slowly, savoring every touch and every second of intimacy. As our clothes fell to the floor I realized that in the four years we had spent apart, I had tried to convince myself that I could live without my sweet Amber, only to find that she was all I could ever want and need. And in this moment, the need to be with her was more intense than it had ever been. The pale moonlight shone through the window, illuminating our now naked bodies as we allowed our fingertips to roam across each other's soft curves.

Unhurried, we moved to the bed. We lay facing each other, our legs and arms tangled together. We kissed softly as our fingers simultaneously slipped inside each other, initiating a smooth rhythm to which our bodies rocked gently. Her eyes never left mine as our breath began to increase, both of us united as we approached orgasm as one. Our moans and sighs filled the air as we stroked each other gently at first, then with ever increasing speed and pressure. We held off as long as we could, trying to make the beautiful moment last as long as possible, but the stroking reached a fevered pitch and we both erupted into powerful orgasms in the same instant, finally breaking eye contact to throw our heads back in ecstasy.

As we lay there trembling and panting together, Amber grinned and started to laugh. I smiled and asked, "What's so funny?"

"This is the first time my husband has trusted me enough to let me visit my family by myself in four years, and the first thing I do is cheat on him with you," she mused. Her face changed to a more serious expression. "But oddly, I feel more like I'm cheating when I'm with him than when I'm with you."

I smiled, "That's because he's not your soul mate. I am." To make my point I kissed her again, eliciting from her a sigh of contentment.

As the sunlight pouring through my window reached my eyes, I awoke, squinting in the brightness. I felt a little disoriented at first, but then I felt the familiar shape of the body next to me. Amber was still sleeping, facing me with her arms and legs woven into mine. I traced the shape of her face with my eyes, still marveling over the fact that she was in my bed. The previous night had been intimate and wonderful, but I found myself frightened by the prospect of her waking up and regretting what she had done. After our reunion after four years, the thought of losing her again made me want to vomit. I began to desperately plot ways that I could keep her here with me for the rest of time.

I was half-seriously considering a kidnapping scheme when her eyes fluttered, and the blue beauties focused on my own eyes.

A soft smile formed on her lips, and she moved her arms from around my body just long enough to stretch before replacing them. She said nothing, but met my eyes in an unwavering gaze of love and adoration. We stared at each other for an uncertain amount of time, neither of us willing to leave the comfort of our embrace.

Slowly my fears began to creep back into my head. I thought of having to watch her disappear from my life again. I thought of her asshole husband finding out that she had met up with me again. I thought of her telling me that if she had to choose between her husband and me she would have to choose him. I imagined all the scenarios that would hurt me the most and felt my eyes prick with tears.

"What," she asked softly. "What's wrong?"

I couldn't keep the desperate sadness out of my voice as I responded in a whisper, "Don't leave me."

Her forehead wrinkled in a painful expression and she lifted one hand and softly caressed my cheek. She didn't say anything for a while as she gazed at me, lost in thought. Finally she spoke. "I can't live without my son." My heart shuddered with pain at my now certain knowledge that I would lose her yet again. "So," she continued, "If I stay here, so does he. We're a package deal." I blinked in confusion. Was she really telling me that she was going to stay with me?

"Amber, are you saying --" I began.

"I'm saying that four years has been long enough for me to know that my life without you is torture. But if you want me, you have to want Jer too." As her words settled in my surprised mind, my heart began to race as a joy unlike anything I had ever known took over me. New tears spilled from my eyes as I saw a different future fall into place before me.

"Of course," I whispered, my voice too thick with emotion to use. "You and Jeremiah. My family. That's all I have ever wanted."

She smiled gently and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "Then we're yours," she stated. I don't think I had ever felt so happy as I did in that moment.

Over the next week, Amber and I began to plan her return to Ohio in secret. She found a way to meet up with me every night, and we made love for hours before discussing the details of her and Jeremiah's move back into my house. She thought it was best to wait to tell Jeremiah until everything was in place so that Matt wouldn't find out until it was too late to stop her. I was eager to see the boy again, but I accepted that the timing was off, and Amber knew her son well enough to anticipate when to tell him what was going on.

During the daylight hours, I went about my usual routine. At work, the hospital staff commented regularly about how happy I seemed. I was elated that things were finally going to change, and that I would have my little family unit back, even if the arrangement may be frowned upon by society. I didn't tell anyone why I was so happy -- I figured they would find out after everything was finalized anyhow.

Life was good.

I checked my watch again, even though I knew only a few minutes had passed since I last looked. I paced about my living room and tried to remain calm. Amber had sent me a message saying she was on her way over to my house and would be there in less than twenty minutes. That was almost an hour ago. I kept telling my overactive imagination to be quiet, but the scenarios that played out in my head were pushing me closer and closer to a panic. I checked my watch again, aware of how eerily familiar the situation seemed to the day Amber had told me she was moving to California.

I grabbed my cell phone to call her yet again, knowing it was pointless; the last four times I tried, it went straight to voicemail. Before I could make the call, however, the phone jumped to life in my hand. It was Sandy, one of the nurses at the hospital where I worked. They didn't usually call me at night, so I was wary as I answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, uh, Rachel," Sandy greeted. "Listen I hate to bother you, but we have a trauma patient in here, and we can't get an IV in her. Would you be willing to come start it for us?"

Something wasn't right. The hospital never called me in this late, especially for something so easy as an IV start. "Sandy, what's going on," I asked, dreading that the hunch I had building inside of me was right.

"I just think you need to come in here and help us," she said. The tone in her voice let me know she was trying to communicate more than just the words in her sentence. Of course, due to privacy laws, she couldn't give out any information over the phone. But I knew, I knew deep within my soul what awaited me at the hospital.

My next question came out from lips that were almost as frozen as the rest of me. "How bad is she?"

Sandy hesitated a moment, then responded, "If I were you, I'd hurry."

I made it to the ER in record time. I didn't stop and ask anyone where to go; I just followed the sound of the commotion in the trauma center. My fears were confirmed beyond doubt as I walked into a big room to find Amber lying on the table, a team of trained professionals working to keep her alive. I watched silently as they worked on her battered and bloody body, knowing that I would be in the way if I went to her now. Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me to the corner, although the wave of shock and numbness I was feeling almost kept me from noticing.

"They've been working on her for almost forty minutes now," Sandy said. "I know you two used to be so close, so I called you -- " her voice trailed off.

"What happened," I inquired in monotone.

"She was in a car wreck. A semi ran a stoplight and t-boned her in an intersection. They had to cut her out of the car to get her here. She...she's pretty banged up, Rachel."

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the small frame on the table. I had seen so many brutal injuries since I had been working for the hospital, but the twisted form in front of me seemed so much more personal than ever before. My heart felt like it was trying to beat through liquid lead. "What all is wrong," I asked, struggling to fight off the grief that was threatening to overtake me.

"She has several broken bones, head trauma, collapsed lung; she's lost a lot of blood. Honestly it's a miracle she's still alive right now, but she's got a lot of internal bleeding too. I doubt she'll -- " she cut herself off as she realized how impersonal she was being. It was understandable; if you work long enough in the emergency healthcare field, you have to shut off your emotions. Can't get all worked up over every single death. But this was my Amber, and knowing that she was only hanging on by a thread was destroying my world.

A voice cut through the haze in my mind. "She's conscious! Ms. Roberts, can you hear me?" I took a step forward. Amber's eyes were open, flickering around slowly, as if she were barely there. I walked over to her side and place my fingers on her cheek.

"Amber," I said quietly. Her eyes immediately met mine, and I knew she could hear me. She stared at me for a moment, unable to speak because of the breathing tube in her throat, but her fingers weakly felt around for mine. I took her hand as all the sounds in the room faded away leaving me with nothing but silence, despite their clamoring around the room in a controlled frenzy.

Her eyes remained on mine, and a tear rolled down her cheek. As always, we didn't need words to communicate as her sad, sad eyes apologized a thousand times for having to leave me again so soon. NO, I screamed internally. But her eyes told me that she loved me and it would be okay. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, noticing that her hair was matted with blood. "I'll do what I can for Jeremiah." I said quietly, the words barely audible. She nodded her thanks once, and then the light slipped from her beautiful, breath-taking eyes.

I felt hands pulling at me, but I didn't know or care why they were there. Finally my hand slipped from Amber's, and I was pulled back into the corner. Slowly the muffled sounds of the trauma room began to reach my ears again.

" -- crash cart, stat!" A frenzy of movement around the figure on the table blocked my view of my love. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall for support. "Clear!" The word was followed by a buzzing sound and a thump, familiar noises to me that now meant nothing. "Clear!" Thump. "Clear!" Thump.

I opened my eyes and walked out of the room. I didn't need to hear anymore; I had seen her soul, her beautiful, precious soul, leave her body, and I knew she wasn't coming back. She was gone (gone!). "Call it," came a voice from the room behind me. I walked faster, trying to escape the pain that I knew was coming for me.

"Time of death -- " came the voice fading quickly behind me. My legs were moving faster and faster, and I realized I was sprinting towards the hospital exit, doing what I always did when I was hurting. I ran away.

I can do this, I told myself. I learned to live without her once, and I can do it again. I ran out the hospital doors into the cool night air, and veered toward the parking garage. It may take a while, but eventually I will heal and move on, just like last time. It will be okay.

No. My feet slowed and faltered. No, it will not be okay. She was the partner of my heart and soul, the ying to my yang. Amber was mine, and I was hers. And that's the way it was always meant to be, from the beginning of time to the end of the earth. My feet were too heavy to move now, and the earth spun around me as the grief and pain caught up with me, knocking the wind out of my lungs.

My Amber, my soul mate was gone (gone!). I knew that there would never be another love. Apart, we were both destined to always be two broken halves of a whole.

I sank to my knees and wept.