My Country Tis of Thee

"It was a decade before I gave up. I almost lost it all then. I had built up my business when I came back so I would have something to offer when I found them. But those days were so dark I came damned close to losing it all in the bottle. Met this gold digging bitch and she took half of it all too. For six months of hell as her husband."

The bear inhaled deeply, "That woke me up some. But I just tried another drug to stop the pain. I got saved and ended up in this church that kept milking me dry too. But it weren't all bad. I met Caleb's mama there and we got married. We were together for almost fifteen years before my mid-life crisis ended it all. She could not take it when I quit the church and started back to hitting the bottle."

"But I just couldn't stand the pain no more. The religion wasn't deadening it any more than the booze had. I figured at least the booze was more fun than the church. Hell, I always found better friends in bars than I ever did in church. At least with them you ain't got to pretend you perfect," the chuckled as he opened a bottle of beer for himself and brought it to his lips.

He took a long swig, emptying half the bottle before he continued, "I went through two more temporary wives before I saw that news show. Actually, I was still married to the last one when I left. She told me if I walked out the door not to come back. I called my lawyer on the way to the airport, signed over the house and wrote her a check. Good riddance to bad rubbish, right?"

Luke waved to his daughter as he continued, "It was easy enough to find Jade Su. That news story had money and the press flocking to them. I was lucky too. She recognized me instantly from the faded picture her Mama had. But what I was not expecting was what came next."

The smile lit not just his face but his eyes as well, "She and Danny asked me back to their home for dinner. When I walked through the door, there she was. The only woman I ever really loved."

Turning to where his wife was talking loudly and making wide hand gestures with her sister, he laughed again, "Damned bitch didn't even have the decency to age a bit in thirty-five years. She was just as beautiful as the young girl I had met all those years ago when our platoon cleared out their village ahead of a fire fight."

"At first, she wouldn't talk to me. At all. All those years of shame, holding on to the promise that a stupid kid, who didn't know shit about how this fucked up world really worked, made to her. Paying the price for what her people thought of as treason. She hated me. And I deserved every single bit of it."

Looking Mike in the eyes, he spoke in a low tone as if sharing some ancient secret of the universe. "You know hate is the other side of love. I learned that with my marriages. I could always walk away without any problem. Just pay them off and leave, cause none of them meant anything to me; not really."

"But not Kim Lee, I would do anything to get that girl back, pay any price. That's how I did it in the end. I bought her. With my money and the promise that I would give her everything I ever said and more. After years of suffering, it was just too much temptation to resist."

He shook his head. "She agreed, but boy what a price. I thought I would go crazy that first year. She barely talked to me. And the separate bedrooms? Well, that weren't my idea of marriage."

"Thank God I had matured from that hot headed kid. I stepped back and decided that the only way we were going to make it through was if we started all over. So I spent that time courting my wife. The old fashioned way. Flowers. Chocolate. Dinners at the best restaurants. You name it, anything to see her smile."

"I meant what I told Ty...sweet talking and good loving will win any woman over in the end. You just got to have the patience. But she's worth it."

He raised the bottle and finished it off. "I figure we lost thirty-five years, so I'm planning to have just as many loving her. Five down and thirty to go, my boy." He said. He opened two more bottles and passed one to Mike. Lifting his bottle, he clanged it against the one that Mike held.

Mike smiled. "Thirty and more, my friend." The man's happiness touched something deep inside him fueling his resolve, giving him the strength he needed to face some of what lay ahead. "Thanks for sharing that," was all he could manage to push past the knot in his throat.

Luke's gaze pinned him, "Your pain rolls off you, son. I feel it. Deep in here." He patted his gut. "I'm gonna tell you something I ain't never told another living soul, not even Kim Lee."

"After Caleb's mama kicked me out, I was staying in the back of the shop. One night, I got drunker than Cooter Brown, as my daddy used to say. I pulled out my old foot locker with all my stuff from Nam. The uniform. Old polaroids of Kim Lee and Jade Su," Mike saw the bottle tremble in his giant hand as he lifted it to his lips and drank again.

"At the bottom of that box, I found my old Colt. There was still bullets it in," the man paused in silence as if just speaking about it took him back to that night.

"I hurt so bad. I felt like everything I did was doomed to fail. I had failed Caleb and his mama just like I had failed Kim Lee and Jade Su. Hell, there was even enough of that damned religion still left in me that I thought I had failed God too."

He pinned Mike with his stare as he spoke, "I put that gun in my mouth and I pulled that trigger." A giant laugh that echoed louder than the waves shook the man. "The damned thing jammed. I thought what a fuck up is that. I couldn't even kill myself. So I drank until I passed out."

Luke walked from behind the bar and came to stand next to Mike. Wrapping his arm about his shoulder one more time, he said, "Look around, boy. Look at this house. Look at my son and his family. Look at Jade Su, Danny and my grandbabies."

Mike watched a single tear spilled from the corner of the bear's eye and track down his weathered cheek as his gaze traveled to his wife once more. "But look hardest at Kim Lee. She'd still be sweating her ass off making barely enough to survive while she sewed designer clothes for rich bitches like my ex-wives."

"If that gun had not jammed that night, none of this would be." His eyes bore deep into Mike's soul. "When that moment comes for you. And I know it will. I can feel that. You remember this moment and you put that gun away, cause somewhere out there is a good woman like my Kim Lee that needs you to save her from life's pain just as much as you need her to push those demons aside and save your sorry soul."

Extending his other hand to grasp Mike's in friendship, he finished. "Trust me shared burdens ain't nearly as heavy as they feel right now. The love you find in the arms of a good woman will save you like not even God can."

The man turned back to the bar and lifted his bottle, bringing it to his lips he drained it before pinning Mike with another of those soul deep stares. "Don't you damn well forget that. Cause I don't want to be wearing that god damned uniform to your funeral soldier."

Mike stared down at the beer in his trembling hand. The man's words hit closer to home than he could have imagined. The decision that he had come to yesterday as he walked along the deserted beach just south of Point Hueneme echoed through his mind. As he sat there watching the waves crashing on the sand, the rock cliffs rising behind his back, he had set his course.

He would make the trip he had planned. Use the blood money he had saved to ease the pain of as many of his friends as he could. Then when his bank balance was zero he would make one final trip to the place where it all began. That grave yard in Boston where his mother and unborn baby sister rested. He would join them...and hope like hell that his journey had cleared the karmic balance sheets enough to buy him peace.

But how had this man known that?

Looking around at the loving family and friends that littered the patio, Mike doubted his words. This man could not understand. He could not know what it felt like to be totally and utterly alone in this world. A life time of being alone. No one and nothing. How could he?

Mike watched as Luke walked over to his wife wrapping his huge arm about her and drawing her into a loving embrace. Pain shot through Mike. Pain a thousand times worse than the burning shrapnel that had torn through his arm as he raced to Tommy's side too late to do more than listen to the boy's final words. His last thoughts of the woman they both loved. Mike thought of the promise that he had made the boy in that moment. To look after her.

God, what he would give to be blessed with a chance to keep that promise the way Luke was keeping his promise made so long ago. But he knew it was a futile wish. Some people in this world were just lucky. Others, like him, stood looking in like that little boy had looked through the glass window at that shiny red bicycle that had become a curse that followed him to this day.

Mike brought the bottle to his lips and drained it in a single swallow. This night he did not have to worry about looking after others. Kim Lee would see to that. She would see to his sorry ass too no doubt. For a moment he felt guilt wash over him that he would be another burden to the woman that had borne so many others. But the need to drown it all was stronger than that niggling guilt. This night it was his turn to get drunker than Cooter Brown as Luke had called it.

CHAPTER SIX

Mike stared in the men's room mirror. He was once more attired in his full dress uniform. He could hear the strong beat of the music even through the door. Of course, the Spanish words were muffled. This night was far different than that other one, the first time he had met this family.

The past few days had been split between spending time with the Hernandez's and his motley Marine crew in Orange County, the OC. He had come to know both groups well. Hell, he had even finagled an invitation for his OC friends to tonight's event. The Hernandez's remembered the group and had been touched that they would come to Manny's funeral even though they did not know him.

Mike checked his pocket once more before he left the bathroom. The event was well under way, but the main show was yet to begin. The limousine carrying Maria would be arriving in moments. Mike was nervous. He had never gone to his prom, but he imagined this was how it felt. For far different reasons though.

He wanted this night to be perfect. He needed to do Manny proud. For young Mexican-American girls, their quinceañera was the most important of events. In a different time, it was a coming of age of a different sort, an announcement of their availability for marriage. Even in these modern times though, the tradition was a rite of passage. Mike knew how much Manny had been looking forward to this night, his baby sister's special day. He could not screw this up.

Making his way through the hall that was rented for the evening, Mike smiled at the people, who were already congregating there. Tia Manuela was fussing over the food just as she had that first night they met in the kitchen. At the request of her and Senor Hernandez, he had spent a couple of afternoons with Hector. The boy reminded him of the young man he had once been...angry.

Hell, at forty-one, he was still angry. The Marines had just taught him how to control it. Most of the time anyway. A couple more conversation with the Congresswoman's office and that might not be so easy. It seemed that these things took months, not weeks. That was difficult for him to understand considering Manny had filed paperwork months ago. He did not buy the argument that it was two different processes and that this would just take time. Time was the one thing that Corporal Manuel Hernandez had run out of.

And Sergeant Mike was running low on patience with the whole damned thing. To his mind it ought to be automatic. This country owed its defenders that much...to call men like Manny its own. Americans.

Stepping into the early evening sunlight, Mike looked down the street. Still no sign of them, but what he did see was just as perfect. Rachel was beaten over the back seat of her car, struggling once more with the buckle on Miguel's car seat. The little boy squealed and pushed at her hands.

Mike knew that Hector still was not happy that it had taken Manny's death to bring the young woman around. But he recognized that his cousin's son brought comfort and solace to the grieving family in a way that nothing else could. Mike was fairly certain after their talks about being a 'real man' that the boy would not cause any trouble this night. That damned car seat on the other hand had not made him any such promise.

Mike walked over to her. "Need any help with that?"

She shook her blonde head just as the buckle sprang free and the child bounced from his seat. "Thanks, Sergeant Mike, but I got this one."

"Glad to see you."

"Good to see you too," she replied as she lifted the struggling toddler into her arms.

Awkward silence filled the air as they walked back to the hall. But the moment they walked inside and Rachel sat her son down, it was as if none of that mattered. Miguel ran across to room to tug at Manuela's skirt and a dozen aunts, uncles and cousins descended on the little man, who adored being the center of attention.

"Manny would be so proud of him," turning to look at Rachel, he added, "and you. You're doing a great job with that little boy."

Her blue eyes misted over and her voice cracked, "It isn't easy. I still can't believe he is gone." She stared at the floor and tears spilled down her cheeks, "That I never got to tell him how sorry I am."

Mike put his hand on her shoulder, "You can't let it keep eating you up. You have to be strong for Miguel. And the Hernandez's." Lifting her chin, "I think that somewhere out there Manny is looking down on us. He knows that when it counted you gave his family the most important gift in this world. Hope. And that's all that matters."

Rachel looked over to where her son was playing with his family and smiled weakly. "I hope so."

Mike's phone rang. He recognized the number instantly. "Excuse me. I have to take this." He walked back out of the hall.

"This is Sergeant O'Malley."

"Sergeant, this is Maude Landon. I am the duty nurse at Prairie View nursing home. I think we have spoken before," said the voice.

"Yes, Miss Landon. I remember you. How is Mister Clyde?" Mike waited.

The heavy sigh that followed told Mike more than words could. "I'm afraid that he has not been doing well the past couple of days. You should probably come as soon as you can."

Mike nodded, "Yes, Ma'am. I have one more duty here, but I'll leave this evening as soon as it is over. I'm driving so it will take me a couple of days. Unless..." his voice trailed off at the thought.

"No, Sergeant. I don't think that will be necessary. Of course, you can never tell with these things. But I don't think a couple of days will make a difference."

"Then I should see you shortly," Mike said his farewells and hung up. Looking up, he saw them. They were pretty unmissable. A motorcade of sorts. An unlikely honor guard. Half a dozen Harley Davidsons and a white stretch limousine.

He watched as they pulled into the parking lot of the hall. Kim Lee was the first one off, of course. Clad in her leather, she pushed past Mike mumbling something he thought was "must change." Luke, Caleb and Larry were there as well as the Colonel and a man that Mike did not know. He handed a set of keys to Luke.

Mike did not have time to ask what it was all about. He walked over to the limousine and opened the back door. Bending at the waist, he held out his hand for Maria.

The young woman that emerged was barely recognizable. Her dark hair was pulled up into some sort of curly bun on the top of her head. A light coat of make-up transformed her into a young beauty. Her white taffeta gown flowed in layers about her as she stepped out of the car and took his hand.

In that moment, Mike felt far older than his forty-one years. If things had been different. If he had been different, this could have been his daughter. Instead, he had nothing and no one, except a lifetime of ghosts to haunt his dreams.

Hands stained as red as the stripe that ran the length of his dress pants with the blood of her brother and others gripped her elbow. "You look beautiful, Maria. Manny would be so proud."

"Thank you, Sergeant Mike," she mumbled staring at the ground. Turning, Mike performed his official duty. Walking the young beauty into the hall, he along with her parents presented her to the gathering crowd.

Food and music flowed for half an hour or more. Finally, Mike escorted Maria to the dance floor for the first dance of the evening. He had never been much of a dancer but he managed to muddle through this one without tripping. At the end, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the tiny black box.

"A little birthday present," he handed Maria the box.

The girl's dark eyes lit up as she opened it. Inside nestled a gold chain and locket with a small diamond. She beamed as she fumbled to open the clasp. Inside nestled, the official Marine Corps photo of Manny that had been shrunk to fit the oval.

"This way you can always keep him close to you," Mike whispered.

"Muchas gracias, Sergeant Mike," tears cascaded down her face, but she was smiling. "Will you put it on me?"

Mike nodded as the young woman turned about on the dance floor. His large fingers fumbled with the clasp but finally managed to win the battle. He was just about to leave the dance floor when Senor and Senora Hernandez stepped forward.

"Would you do one more dance por favor?" asked Senor Hernandez.

Mike nodded as Senor Hernandez took his daughter in his arms and passed his wife to Mike. As the strains of music began, they hit Mike like a blow to gut. No sucker punch in a bar fight had ever felt so powerful as the soft tenor sound of the country singer boomed from the speakers. The words prophetic.

"If tomorrow all the things were gone, I'd work for all my life. And I had to start again, with just my children and my wife. I'd thank my lucky stars, to be livin' here today, 'cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can't take that away..."

Mike fumbled along even more this time as he watched others joining them on the dance floor. Lupe and Hector. Luke and Kim Lee. Larry and Tia Manuela, even the Colonel with Mama Nona. And off to side at the edge of the dance floor, he saw Rachel lift a half sleeping baby Miguel in her arms and rock softly side to side.

Mike blinked his eyes because for half a second he would have sworn that he saw a smiling Marine with his arm draped about her shoulders as he looked at his baby son. But Mike knew he had not had that much to drink this night.

By the end of that song, Mike was barely able to see. Smoke must be drifting in from those congregating outside, because something clouded his vision as he handed Senora Hernandez back to her husband. But the night was not over yet.

Luke and Kim Lee stepped forward. With his wife elbowing him, Luke reached into his suit pocket and drew forth a set of keys. He passed them to Senor Hernandez.

"It ain't much, mi amigo. A small token compared to what you and your wife have given this country. But with two daughters heading off to college I hope...we hope it helps."

Senor Hernandez looked confused. "I don't understand."

Kim Lee could barely contain herself as she commanded, "Come, come." She half pulled Senora Hernandez to the door as the other followed, including Mike.

Parked right in front of the door was the fully restored 1969 Ironhead sportster painted red, white and blue. The one that had first caught Mike's attention in the display window of Luke's shop. Mike stared at it in awe, knowing the value of this miraculous gift.