The Difference a Year Makes

"Love you too."

I tugged the covers a little closer to my chin and fell asleep, secure in the knowledge Danny was there for us.

***

Danny really did try to behave when Peter came into talk about his SUV a few days after the accident. His front end was banged up and we needed to replace the radiator but really there wasn't too much damage. My car on the other hand needed a lot of work. I had a loaner rig for the shop that we used to ferry some customers so I was covered and didn't have to rely on Danny but the first time I drove after the accident was nerve wracking.

By the time Peter came in several days later I was fine and back to driving normally. Still slow and cautious but at least I didn't break out in a cold sweat just thinking about getting behind the wheel.

He walked in the front office door, brushing snow off his shoulders and then pulling thick gloves off his hands. He stuffed them in his jacket pocket, rubbing his fingers together a little in the warmth of the office. Winter was fully set in and we had two batches of snow flurries that day already. We were in a bit of a lull and I'd sent everyone but Danny home earlier. I had been thinking of closing the shop down and going to pick up Dylan before heading home for a warm soup and sandwich dinner but I was hoping Peter would make it in before lunch. I stood up from my desk and walked up to the main counter.

"Hey Peter."

"Hi Cole." Peter smiled tentatively at me as he stamped his feet on the mat. "You called earlier and said I needed to sign something?"

"Yeah." I rifled through my book on the counter and pulled out his paperwork. "I've your estimate for repairs and I need your signature so we can get your insurance to authorize payment for the work."

"Ok, sure." He looked over his bill and I looked at him while he couldn't see me. I would call his hair brown but I could still see a lot of auburn in it. That made sense with his vivid green eyes. The smile on his face that lit up his gorgeous eyes was more than enough to make me shiver... I grunted a little in pain, my hand going to my still strapped ribs.

"How are you doing?" He looked concerned. "Still in pain?"

"Just an ache most of the time. I just have to remember to be careful." I took the work slip he signed and slid over to me, ripping the copies apart. I handed him the yellow customer copy and then put the white and pink copies back in the binder.

"Not enough to keep you from working though?"

"As long as I stay in the office. Danny threatened to break a few more ribs if I tried to step foot in the garage."

At the mention of Danny's name Peter's smile faded and he looked down. "I really am sorry, about all of this." He looked up at me, his eyes full of sadness. "To lose your family and then on that same day be forced to deal with an accident. That had to have been like your worst nightmare."

I took a short breath and let it out slowly. "It was. But I understand that it was just an accident. You don't seem like the type of person who would risk people's lives. You have to see the results of that all the time."

"Yeah, I do," he said. "It's why I can't believe that I couldn't stop. I thought I had given enough room but it was like nothing was happening and then all of a sudden they caught but by then it was just too late."

"We'll check the brake lines and make sure you insurance gets anything we find. If something was wrong with them the accident wasn't something you could have avoided."

Peter frowned. "Can something like that happen?"

"Well there's a spring in your rear drum brakes. If that gets rusty it can cause a failure in the ABS. In that case you would have just slid right into us, just like you did. It's worth looking into. It actually sounds like what happened."

"Really?" He looked hopeful.

"We'll definitely check but it sounds reasonable to me." I pulled his slip back out and put a note on it and had him initial the changes.

"Thanks for coming in," I said. I started straightening the business cards on the counter by the register for something to do with my hands. I wanted to ask him out but I wasn't really sure how to do it.

He stood there fidgeting for a minute with his gloves before he took a deep breath. "Would you like to have lunch with me sometime?" he asked in a rush.

My heart raced when he asked. I had a lot of time to think lately with Danny kicking me out of the office after a few hours each day. I had even used some of my extra time to visit the counselor I had seen last year after Bethany and Marissa died. She and I had talked through my realization, at the cemetery and after the accident. My guilt had eased after we talked about it. I had also talked to Danny.

I liked the cop who gave me his number but Cameron wasn't who had caught my attention that day in the ER. There was just something about Peter that made me want to get to know him better.

"I would like that," I said quietly.

"Great!" he said enthusiastically. "How about tomorrow?" I laughed a little at his eagerness. He grinned ruefully. "I would have asked about today but I have a meeting. But I'd really like to see you tomorrow."

"I'm not sure what we have on the schedule," I said, turning to look on the wall.

"I'm sure I could cover for you with the customers. He'll be free."

Danny was standing in the door to the shop, wiping black grease off his hands on a red rag. He squinted a little at Peter who met his eyes without looking away. Danny walked into the room, stuffing the rag into his pocket. He stopped at the edge of the counter, his face serious.

"I was wrong to say what I did the other day. I was upset and worried about Cole and Dylan but that's no excuse for what I did." Danny leaned against the counter and held out one hand toward Peter. I busied myself at the back counter and let Danny apologize without an onlooker.

Peter didn't hesitate, reaching out and shaking Danny's hand. "I can understand a friend worrying about a friend."

"More like a brother." Danny crossed his hands over his chest. "But Cole and my wife both set me straight. He's not my responsibility and I'm not his bodyguard. He's an adult and knows what he's doing."

Peter winced. "Your wife really got you good didn't she?"

Danny raised an eyebrow. "Been married have you?"

Peter shook his head and leaned against the counter, mirroring Danny's stance. "Partner. Strictly gay here. He was the bossy sort though, good at keeping me on the straight and narrow."

"What happened to him? You get bored with the straight and narrow?"

"Danny!" I whipped my head around and stared at him, my mouth open.

Peter laughed. "It's fine. He's still looking out for a friend. It's cool." He smiled at me then shrugged as he looked back at Danny. "He got bored actually. Up and left me almost two years ago for an older man who was willing to be his sugar daddy."

"Paramedics not rolling in the dough?"

"Okay Danny, that's enough!" I stopped him there, appalled at his attitude. I glared at him but Peter just shook his head.

"Don't worry about it Cole. It's good to know you have someone keeping an eye on you." He zipped up his coat and put his gloves back on. "I'm going to be late if I don't head out. Can I pick you up here tomorrow?"

I didn't get in a car with just anyone driving and as much as I was looking forward to having lunch with him, I didn't think I could handle trying. "How about we meet at Sasha's Grill? I haven't gone there in a while."

"Sounds good. One o'clock work for you?"

"Yeah." I smiled at him, "See you then."

I watched him get in his rental car and then turned to Danny. "Do I need to go call Lisa?"

Danny blushed a little and then looked down. "Sorry. I just... I worry about you."

"Well I'm trying to be okay with moving on. It's a good thing but it's kind of hard to think of it that way when my best friend is treating the guy I'm interested in like a prom date in a bad eighties movie." I moved over to Danny and gave him a hug. "I appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm going to be okay. You need to trust me to make the right decisions without you making sure of my date's good intentions."

Danny hugged me back then stepped away. "I'll try to give you some space to do your thing." He smirked at me as he drew out the last word.

"My thing? Okay, now you sound like a bad gay porno movie. You been peeking at my stash?"

Danny blushed. "No!"

I laughed, teasing him some more. "Are you sure? Not even a little curious about what's on the other side of the fence and took a little peek? Just a short one?"

He rolled his eyes. "If I was going to look at porn I'd certainly not be watching eighties gay sex tapes. Maybe you should go get some though, since you have a date with Mr. Green Eyes tomorrow. It's been a while for you, hasn't it?"

My heart sped up a little at the thought of sex. It had been a while since I had sex at all, not since Bethany died. It had been even longer since I had sex with a man, before I met her. I shook my head. "I'm not ready for that."

Danny grimaced. "Sorry, I shouldn't tease you like that." He gave me another hug, "If he doesn't understand you're not ready then ditch him. I can always beat him up if he gets out of line."

"It's just lunch Danny. I think you're the one getting a little ahead of things. I don't even know if we will have a second date, much less a relationship. I won't do casual sex. Especially since I have Dylan to think of. This is just a date."

I was moving on; I was ready for that. I knew I wasn't ready to look that far into the future to try and see where this date would lead but I was willing to take that first step onto the path. Day by day was all I could manage. I hoped that Peter would be there in the future but I was going to go slow. No matter what I was going to start living again.

***

"You look good," Peter said as he met me outside Sasha's. I smiled at the compliment and smoothed down my black dress shirt I'd tucked into my gray slacks.

"Thanks. I had a meeting today with a local executive car rental company. They're looking for a new shop to service their fleet and the contract could be a real bonus to our end of year financial projections." I knew I was rambling as we walked to our booth but I couldn't really stop myself. I was really nervous.

"Oh, you look good too." My mouth was a little dry and I gulped down some of the water our waitress brought over while we looked over our menus.

Peter chuckled. "Thanks."

"Sorry," I said, blushing. "I just... haven't done this in a long time."

Peter reached out and touched my hand with his, giving me a quick squeeze. "I haven't either. We'll figure it out together. Just relax, there's no pressure here. Let's just consider it two new friends getting to know each other."

I smiled at him. "I can do that."

Our lunch went really well. We got to know one another beyond names and occupations. It turned out Peter was a few years older than me, twenty nine. He lived on the other side of town from me, in a nice downtown apartment building. No pets due to a hectic work schedule, he divided his time between his twelve hour shifts with his partner and hanging out with his friends.

Peter already knew all about me and my job and I didn't want to talk about my dead wife and daughter. That would have put a real damper on my first date, even if it was just a lunch date and Peter tried to say we were just friends getting to know each other. I already knew I liked him a bit more than a friend. So I talked about meeting Danny in high school and playing football. Peter invited me to join up with a spring football league that he played with on weekends.

When the check came, Peter insisted on paying.

"After all, I invited you," he pointed out.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, then I can pay next time. Are you free next Monday?"

"I have a shift until four that day, but my evening is free." By then we were outside in the parking lot by our cars.

"I know you said we were just two friends getting to know each other but I already know I like you, Peter. You're easy to talk to, you aren't afraid of the fact that I have a son and a painful past. The fact that you're willing to let me take this at a pace I'm comfortable with really makes me want to go on an actual date with you.

"Do you think you'd be interested in dinner and a movie?" I asked.

I watched Peter's face as I spoke, waiting for his answer. Just because I felt something didn't mean he did. I could be mixing up the signals. It had been a while, maybe he really did just want to be friends.

"I'd love that," he said as he smiled at me.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Yeah," he echoed, moving closer to me. I froze until his lips touched mine and suddenly I was wrapping my arms around him and pulling him a closer. I kissed him hungrily, opening my mouth when he swept his tongue across my bottom lip. I followed his tongue out of my mouth and into his, exploring the hot, moist depths.

My eyes were closed as I focused on the heat and taste of him. I shuddered as his hands pulled us even closer and I felt proof of his excitement press against me. I pulled back with a small gasp, breathing hard. I didn't step out of his arms but put a little distance between us.

"Sorry," he said ruefully, breathing a little hard himself.

"No," I said, "it's okay. I was just as into it as you were. I just... don't want to move too fast."

"I understand." Peter dropped his arms and I let him go too. He stepped back. "We still on for Monday, right?"

I nodded. "I can't wait."

Peter leaned over and pecked me on the lips, but kept his hands to himself. "I'll let you get back to the shop now."

Over the next few weeks we managed to go out a few more times. The holidays were rough and we didn't get to see each other as much as my friends tried to keep Dylan and me busy so we'd have less time to dwell on the people missing in our lives. I still cried a little on Christmas but Danny and Lisa came over and they reminded me that while my family was gone, I had friends that cared. It helped a lot.

After I had my last check up on my ribs, I invited Peter over for dinner. It was about a month after Christmas and I got to see him interact with Dylan one on one while I finished getting dinner ready. He didn't hesitate to get down on the floor and play with the toys Dylan kept trying to share with him and he soon had my son giggling and yelling his name as they played choo choo trains. I really knew he was good for us when Dylan crawled up into his lap after dinner and fell asleep in his arms.

"Let me take him to bed," I said. "I'll be right back."

It wasn't easy getting a sleepy toddler into pajamas but I managed and then tucked Dylan in bed with his snuggly. He rolled onto his side, blinking sleepily and stuck his thumb in his mouth, sucking on it gently. I gave him a minute to settle down and then pulled it out with a wet pop. He grunted and frowned but tucked his hands into his snuggly and closed his eyes. I kissed him and then flicked on his nightlight before I shut his door.

"He's asleep," I said as I sat down beside Peter on the couch. I snuggled into him and we kissed.

"Thanks for being so great with him. He really likes you."

"I like him too. He's a real cutie. I couldn't resist those big blue eyes just like his daddy's," Peter said. "His sexy daddy."

I could feel myself blush. I leaned up and kissed Peter, my hands rubbing at his shoulders. His arms wrapped around me as he pulled on me until I was straddling his lap. I groaned his hands gripped my hips and he thrust up against me.

Excitement filled me at the tight grip and the way he held me against him. I nibbled my way down his jaw and sucked on the sensitive skin behind his ear.

He groaned. "Fuck, that feels good!"

I agreed wordlessly, hips rocking against his.

"Cole."

"Mmm?" I asked, busy nibbling on his neck and sucking on his collarbone.

"I don't want to," he gasped and shuddered when I nipped him and then laved the spot with my tongue, "stop you here but, are you ready for this? We've only known each other," his hands dug into my hips to stop my rocking, "a few months. I don't want to rush you."

"Not rushing me," I said against his warm skin. "I want you."

I wanted to feel him naked beside me. I wanted to explore his body and taste every inch. I wanted him on top of me and inside of me. I knew I'd have to make the first move.

I pulled back and stood up, holding out my hand. "Bedroom?"

"Hell yes."

I led him to my room and shut the door. I yanked off my shirt and went to work on his. As soon as it was off I was sucking my way across his chest, nipping his erect nipples with my teeth and then flicking them with my tongue. I dropped to my knees as I drew my tongue down his stomach. I fumbled with the button of his pants, my hands shaking.

Peter put his hands on mine and pulled me up. "Let me."

He pushed me down on the bed and I laid there, looking up at him. He watched me watch him, my bottom lip held between my teeth as he slowly undo his pants and push them off his hips along with his underwear in one smooth motion. His erection slapped against his stomach and I swallowed hard.

It looked bigger than I remembered taking from my last partner and that had been a long time ago. I wanted him though and my trembling hands went to the button on my pants. He pushed them away and undid them himself.

"I said, let me."

Peter took control, pulling off my jeans and then pulling my underwear up and over my own throbbing member. His hands slid up my thighs as he spread them apart and settled between them. I tensed a little and then relaxed when he leaned over and kissed me.

"Relax. I'll take this slow."

And he did. I was writhing by the time he finished running his hands over my body, caressing me until I felt like my skin was one giant exposed nerve. Pre-cum pooled across my stomach and I was begging him to fuck me by the time he took pity on me.

"Condoms and lube?"

I pointed at the nightstand and he leaned over me to reach in and grab them. I leaned up and latched on to his nipple, making him groan. I whined when he pulled away.

"I want to touch you."

"Later," he said.

I didn't argue. I was too busy trying not to cum because he'd slicked up one finger and slowly thrust it inside me, caressing my prostate.

"Ungh."

I tensed a little when he added another finger and Peter distracted me. His hot, warm mouth slid down over me and I cried out. Trapped between the feeling of his fingers and his mouth I didn't even hear him open the condom wrapper and get himself ready until he pulled his fingers out.

"Take a deep breath," he murmured as he leaned over me.

It had been a long time and it hurt when he pushed in, even though he took it slow. I groaned, my hands grabbing at his hips to hold him still when he was fully buried inside me.

"I'm not moving," he said, kissing me. "Let me know when you're ready."

It took a few minutes but gradually my muscles relaxed. I nodded at him and bit my lip at the slick slide as he carefully pulled back. The pleasure as he slid his entire length back into me was more intense than I remembered. I moaned continually as he set a rhythm that had us slowly building toward orgasm.

We were breathing hard, lost in the feel of each other when he shifted his thighs under me and pulled my hips up. The new angle as he slid inside thrust his entire length over my prostate and I shouted at the burst of sensation.

"More, Peter. Harder, please..."

He leaned down over me and buried his hands in my hair and thrust against me hard.

"Oh yeah," he grunted.

His thrust faster, his stomach trapping my erection between us and rubbing at my neglected length. The combined stimulation pushed me higher and higher but the first explosive pulse caught me by surprise.