Erotic verse ?

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Ashesh9
Ashesh9
153 Followers

This is Life
An enigmatic riddle perhaps
 But not an useless bore.......
She is Wife
A tantalizin' tease perhaps
Definitely not an useless whore .....!

Ashesh9
Ashesh9
153 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
3 Comments
Ashesh9Ashesh9over 9 years agoAuthor
i meant

Tantalizin' in Line 5 [ Not Line 4 ; sorry for the error ]

Ashesh9Ashesh9over 9 years agoAuthor
GM , i was tryin' to counterbalance " enigmatic" in Line2 with

Tantalizin' in Line 4 but i am open to suggestions : maybe some other adjective works better there . ( would love to see your version here on NP or in any PFD thread )

I just watched Interstellar : it shows life's Enigma in all it's aspects ----Time , Dimensions , Gravity , Human Relationships , Christopher Nolan has dished out a Cult Movie Champ with this one !!!

greenmountaineergreenmountaineerover 9 years ago

I liked this, Ash. I might have played with the meter a little more, eg 1&4, 2&5, and 3&6 as similar. The sonics would have taken on a more playful aspect, which I think is consistent with the poem's message. In that regard, "but not an useless whore" works better for me at least.

In America, we would say "a useless.." but I like the sound of "an useless" better, repeated twice in this short poem. It plays on the ear nicely.

A final quibble: Although you seem to like contractions, I have to be honest and say "tantalizin'" detracts from the poem for me. That said, if this is your style, and you like it, that matters more.

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