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Click here Neither a thought
nor a thinker be---
let go of Ego
&
become
Ever-Free
....................
Ash,
The revised version is more yours, my friend, than mine. The alliteration of "g" and "be" and the dropping of "of" have made a good poem better.
Neither thought
Nor
Thinker
Be
Let go ego :
Be
Ever Free
.............................
This version's much more appealing because Mother Saraswati Goddess of learning sits on your shoulders & whispers to you GM : alas i am not so fortunate !!!
Universal Reality ! But first try to clear your Mind of thoughts : what remains ? Consciousness - Existence - Bliss !
Just like this iPad i'm using if i clear tge screen of Lit or FB : what remains ? The very White lit screen which is Potentially Everythin' but actually Nothin' !!!
Not bad at all, Ash, something I try to do with tai chi every day in spite of my "monkey mind."
I might have deleted the "a" in line 2 because I think it sounds better without it, and I'm also into paring down as much as possible. That is, it means the same thing without it, so arguably it's superfluous. When I write something, even when it feels good, I like to review the draft to see if I can eliminate any word without changing the meaning.
Speaking of which, here's another thought: There's nothing wrong with "become" but it occurred to me if you used "be" instead it would re-enforce a state of being rather rather than becoming, thus inferring we're a part of the Ever Free which I interpreted as the Ultimate Being. I also think being rather than becoming is more consistent with letting go.
Nice job. I enjoyed thinking about what was in the poem.
I 5ed this one, Ash, because of its strength of expression and I think the recommendation by Senna is well deserved.
On its philosophy I am a little scared. Is freedom to be achieved only in a state of non-existence? Here the "ego" represents to me the "1", who has the freedom if the number becomes "0" ?