A Policeman's Lot

The awkwardness could be almost tasted in the air.

They sat in the living room, either side of the dining table.

"I'm so very sorry you had to see that, yesterday," she said. "I certainly didn't want you to find out about Bob, Dr Jacobs, and myself like that. That was horrible and it must have upset you very much."

"How long has your affair being carrying on? And I thought you hated him?"

She shrugged. "Physically, that was our first time together. But it's been an emotional relationship for a couple of months, now."

"Was he the reason why you kept putting me off, not having sex with me?"

She had the good grace to blush. "Yes, I suppose it was. Look, Bob and myself never meant to fall in love. I came to realise that underneath his gruff exterior there is a man with the soul of a poet. We were both very much, intellectually, on the same level. I felt a connection with him. Very different to what I'd had with you, to be honest. Sorry."

Richard felt outraged at what he considered to be a slight on him and his intellect. "What the bloody hell are you saying? That I was too stupid for you? Damn it! You're overlooking the fact that I have a BSc Honours in Criminology. Or doesn't that count against Bob's overpowering intellect?"

"I'm sorry, Rich, I didn't mean it like that; it came out all wrong."

Which was a load of old twaddle, because that was exactly how she meant it, but she had blurted it out when the filter between her brain and her mouth had seriously broken down.

"I'm divorcing you," he announced to her.

"What grounds will you be using?"

He gave her that look, the look that would, over the years, develop into the famed Probert Stare. "Bloody adultery of course!"

"I was hoping that we could keep that obscured? Maybe, perhaps you could file under unreasonable behaviour?"

He let out a snort of derisive laughter. "Why? Well, there is the fact that I find your behaviour of letting your lover split your whiskers over your bloody desk surrounded by the contents of a Fortnum and Mason's picnic lunch hamper very bloody unreasonable, so I'll give you that. But fuck it! No. I'll not do that. You cheated on me. I did nothing wrong. Nothing but waste the last five years of my life on you. If I'd known you were going to be a cheating slut, I'd not have asked you out on a date in the first place, let alone proposed to you!"

She let out a gasp. She knew on one level that he'd be upset, but this level of anger, she wasn't sure of how to cope with it.

"You really don't think that you wasted our time together, do you?"

"Yes, I do. An utter waste of my time. Five wasted years that I'll never be able to get back. And what did I ever do to you that made you cheat on me? I tried my best for you. I even made your sandwiches for your packed lunch every day because I loved you! I did that with love, and you throw it back in my face."

"You hate me, don't you?"

Immediately he began humming the song that the Pretenders had just put out, It's a Thin Line, Between Love and Hate.

She looked aghast, because she got it. She realised that she had taken the love of this sweet, wonderful man, and had smashed it on the floor as if it were a bag of cheap lightbulbs.

"I'm no longer in love with you, Richard. I love Bob in that way, though. I was trying to work out what my feelings were. That was why I allowed him to make love to me at the school, to see if our relationship would go anywhere. I was trying to be discreet, to protect you from the truth of what I was doing. I obviously failed."

"So, when would you have told me? You were using me as a backup plan, weren't you?"

She nodded. "I suppose I was, and I'm sorry for that, it wasn't fair on you. And I can see that, now. Can we still be friends after this?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't think that would be appropriate, Jennifer. I don't think I'd particularly like to be a friend with someone who could treat me as shabbily as you have treated me."

She nodded. "Fair enough, Richard. I can see why you'd say that."

"Besides which, Jennifer, I couldn't trust you as I find you are not the person I thought you were."

The divorce became messy, because when she was served with the divorce papers she decided to deny that she had committed adultery with Dr Jacobs.

"Won't this cause problems for us?" a somewhat anxious Richard asked Mr. Cardew.

"Oh, I shouldn't see why, Richard." As he spoke, Mr. Cardew was systematically filling his pipe which he ceremoniously lit.

"It will cause problems, but not for us. Please let me explain what I mean. She denies that she has committed adultery, fair enough. So, she denies it.

"But then, we would have to have summonses served on a number of witnesses, and I have informed her solicitor at Overstrand and Smith that the list would include all of her teaching colleagues, the school secretaries, cleaners, groundsmen, school dinner ladies, caretakers and even some pupils.

"In my lengthy experience of people who decide to commit adultery, although they take some ridiculous lengths to hide it from their spouse, there's always at least several people who either know they are cheating or had strong suspicions about it.

"The County Education Authority will not like it, either. Besides which, I hear that a parent at the school has filed a complaint with the Education Authority about the incident, and threats that Jacobs made to his son after he caught them having sex. God! What a damnable mess this is!"

Jennifer's solicitor saw the writing on the wall and decided to force her hand. There would be no trial and she agreed to the divorce on the grounds of adultery.

As no good deed goes unpunished, neither does any bad deed, and the hits kept on coming for Jennifer and her lover.

Jennifer was served an eviction notice by the Eastern Counties Constabulary and she was upset when Richard wanted none of the furniture from the house and rejected her offer of some photographs from their wedding album. "Why would I want any reminders of the biggest mistake in my life?"

Jennifer looked at him, shocked. "This experience has changed you, Rich, and not in a good way. Please don't let what I did make you into a bitter person. You'll find someone else, I know you will." She nodded for emphasis.

"What? And put myself at risk of being knifed in the back, again? It's a case of once bitten, twice shy, I'm afraid. No, what I intend to do is to devote my entire life to my career in the police service. I intend to work my way right up to the top and if that means doing away with the sheet anchor of a wife and family, so be it!"

Jennifer suddenly gushed tears, unable to speak for the moment. Once again, she realised that she had damaged, possibly even destroyed, a man who had once meant so much to her, for whom, she realised, she still had some feelings.

She knew that the County Education Authority had been investigating what had happened between her and Bob at the school, they had both made written statements after being interviewed, and under caution, at that! The cheeky bastard from the council, had actually had the nerve to say: "You do not have to say anything unless you wish to do so, but what you say may be given in evidence."

"Given in evidence where?" she had thought, angrily.

The fact that both she and Bob were fired for gross misconduct didn't come as a shock to her, but the fact that Bob's little chat with that damned boy who had happened by was being taken very seriously and was being looked at by the police, who eventually decided not to prosecute.

Soon, there was their appearances before the Teaching Regulation Agency. She was to be allowed to teach, but only under close supervision, but Bob Jacobs was barred from teaching for life, because of how he had had sex with a married subordinate and how he had terrified the schoolboy, who, months later, was still undergoing counselling.

Jennifer had it all mapped out, though: go far away, perhaps Cheshire or the West Midlands, get a job as a teacher and Bob could come with her and he could perhaps set up a little educational consultancy on the side.

She was planning, making the best of the bad situation she found herself in, and then the rug was pulled out from under her feet. Apparently, Dr Jacobs was not quite as single as he had professed to be, and his wife and their two children returned to the country from Australia where they had been living, waiting for Jacobs to invite them to join him at the new home that he had told them he was hunting for.

Jennifer realised that she had been played by an expert and so she moved to a village just outside Chester. She worked as a secretary at a local aircraft works, because suddenly teaching held no attractions for her.

Mrs. Jacobs, when she found out what her husband had done, kicked him, several times, in the bollocks. She didn't divorce him. She had other plans for him. After a while, he realised that divorce would have been the better option, at least from his perspective.

He ended up selling commercial insurance, commission only, no salary.

Richard Probert rose through the ranks, eventually becoming a DCI, holding true to his prophesy that he would do away with the sheet anchor of a wife and family.

However, the Mallory Habred case had reawakened old buried thoughts and feeling. So it was, several weeks after the courtroom dénouement of the Habred trial he was sat at his desk, reminiscing, when Sergeant Donna Maltravers knocked and walked in to the room. "Hi, Donna! What can I do for you?"

"You're looking thoughtful, Sir?"

"Yes, I was thinking back to my own brush with matrimonial disaster, to be honest."

"Oh, God, yes! I remember. That dreadful incident at the school. I was so impressed by how dignified you were that day."

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, you were, I remember that. But I also remember how good you were, with me. I knew you'd be a good police officer and everything you've done so far has proven that to be correct."

"Are you dating, Sir, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Sort of, there's a divorcee called Karen who works as a secretary at Eastern Counties Forensics. We're on friendly terms. Nothing too serious, yet."

"Once bitten twice shy, huh?"

"Yeah, that's true. However, I'm glad you stopped by, because I've been meaning to have a chat with you about pushing you forward for your Inspector's examination. Are you up for that?"

"Not half!" she replied, excitedly.

"Anyway, how's your little brother doing, these days? I was thinking about him the other day."

"He's fine. He's still doing educational psychology but he's also doing some lecturers on the Open University, which is weird, seeing your little brother as a professor on the Internet!"

She fairly skipped out of the office.

In the back of his mind, the song Jennifer Juniper was playing. The significance being that he was not thinking of 'his' Jenny. Hadn't done so in years. He had moved on.

The table was already booked at the hotel next door to the police station for his date with Karen. He suddenly decided that he was going to pop into the local branch of Boots the Chemists beforehand. Condoms. And some chocolates. Doesn't do to be unprepared!

He stood up and left the office himself, moments after Donna. And whilst he wasn't actually skipping his way out, any observer could tell he was almost thinking of doing it.

*****

Jennifer Juniper written, performed by Donovan Leitch, Produced by Mickie Most, from the album The Hurdy Gurdy Man. © Acknowledged.