AMA - The Boyfriend Ch. 311-320

"Cass," I groaned.

"It's that or I order jackets that say 'Harem Members Only' on the back," Cassidy said.

"Don't you dare!" I laughed as I let go of her hands and started to tickle her.

Chapter 317

We got up, but Cassidy just told me to put on a pair of briefs while she tossed on a loose shirt and a pair of her own shorts then wrapped her hair up in a messy ponytail.

"You, love of my life, stay here," she said. "Zenya is procrastinating because she's nervous, and she's finding excuses. I'm going to go take over whatever she's doing and send her back here."

"That's not really fair, Cass," I said. "She is allowed to take her time."

"She's not taking her time, she's procrastinating," Cass insisted. "Seriously. Her mind is made up."

"OK," I relented. "I'll talk with her."

Cassidy gave me a kiss on the cheek and then slipped out of our cabin.

I had a moment to myself, and after a breath, I had to chuckle and shake my head. 'Our cabin' wasn't going to be ours much longer, and the number of people in 'our' had grown significantly over the week. Cattie's stuff was crammed in with ours, and I could see at least four different pieces of clothing around that were Wanda's.

Seven women, and Zenya would make eight.

I shook my head and wondered again at how unrealistic all of this felt, and yet howreal it was with each of them.

"You OK?" Zenya asked from the doorway, a concerned look on her face.

"Yes, and no," I said, standing and going to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her. "Has anyone ever told you that you might be extremely beautiful, and very sexy, and delightfully funny, but you also have an annoying emotional maturity?"

Her expression relaxed into a warm look and a wry smile. "Annoying, huh?"

"Because it's so admirable," I said. "Come on."

I led her back to the bed and I ended up sitting up at the head as she sat between my legs, leaning back against my chest as I hugged her. She took a breath and sighed it out, relaxing. "Cassidy said we should talk now," she said.

"Mhmm," I nodded, then kissed the back of her head. Her vibrantly dyed red hair was all I knew her as having, but I could see her with a deep chestnut brown as well and wondered if that was her natural colour. "She demanded that I press you for an answer," I said. "So here's what I'm thinking. You have every right to take your time, and I believe that with everything that I am, OK? But I also know that all those compliments I just gave you are things that make me want to just jump off the cliff and take a leap of faith. I haven't said it because I respect your process, but you know how I'm feeling, and that I feel guilty about the fact that I'm feelingit so much for multiple people. So I'm going to say this one more time, and then you need to give mean answer. It doesn't need to be Yes, or No. It could be something in the middle. But we need to put a period onthis sentence before we start the next one, OK?"

"OK," she said, placing her hands on mine as I hugged her from behind.

"I think you are absolutely stunning, utterly ravishing, totally funny, extremely cute and so lovable I think I could float on air," I told her. "I want you in my life, freckles. I want to love you, and hold you, and be your man. And I'll never hold it against you if everything else is too much for you, but you need to know that if we can't be romantic partners I'll still dedicate myself to being your friend because I think your spirit is good for me, and for Cassidy, and for the other women I'm in a relationship with. I want you to be mine, whatever way we can figure that out."

Zenya leaned back against me, our breathing matching up as she processed what I'd said. She felt warm and soft in my arms, and she leaned her head back onto my shoulder comfortably.

"OK," she said. "I'm in."

My heart was in my throat as joy sparked in me, but I hesitated. "Zee, baby, I need you to be a little more enthusiastic than that if it's true. I feel like you just agreed with me because of peer pressure, not because you want to be in a relationship with me."

She inhaled, and I could tell she wanted to argue, but she let it out in a soft sigh and pulled away from me, turning and climbing more fully into my lap as she crossed her legs around my waist and hugged her arms around my shoulder. I pulled her closer, hugging her to me with my hands resting on her upper and lower back.

"I haven't really... It's been a long time since I actually dated someone, Robbie," she said. "For years I was good just doing my own thing, working on my career, and keeping a fuck buddy or two way on the down-low. Not even Becca knew about most of them. I usually had a guy I could call when I was feeling hard up, or sometimes a girl, and I'd get off and move on. And- God, this is embarrassing, but we've had sex in front of other people so whatever - I'm a really horny person. I masturbate like twice a day at least. So when I see you with the others, and I see howfull you make them seem with how happy and content they are, I want that. Andyou are sexy, and funny, and so deeplygood about everything you do. I can see myself with you, Robbie. I can see the white picket fence and the two-point-five kids and the dog and everything. And I don't know if that reallyworks in a polyamorous relationship. Because, honestly, I think I'd actually do pretty well in a poly group and I don't mind that it's a one-guy-multiple-women one at all. But what I really, really want, Tiger, is to settle down with the right guy and start a family. I want to be a Mom, not just a- I don't want to take care of my friends, or pets, as a replacement to being a Mom to my own kids. Whether I birth them, or we adopt, or whatever, I'm going to be a mother. And I don't know how Cassidy feels about that yet. She likes you in love with other women, but kids are different. So yes, Robbie, I want to date you, and fuck you on the regular, and make love to you and hold you and just love you and be loved by you, and I'll do all that happily in a poly relationship, but I also don't know if it can last forever because at some point I'll want you to put a bun in my oven. If I fall in love with you for sure, deep and pure, and I can see that happening,that is what I'm going to want in a couple of years."

My heart felt like it was smashing through my chest.

Chapter 318

"So.... wow," Cassidy said, leaning back against the counter. "I guess I'd thought through a lot, but..." She blew out a long breath.

The question of kids was a big one, and I hadn't exactly been thinking about it either throughout the week. Falling in love, and falling in lust, were adult things. I'd been thinking about that week, and next week, and next month. Maybe next year. My 'twenty years from now' worries had been about whether the relationships and people could coexist or would cause damage. I didn't want people to get hurt; I wanted them to feel like they were getting what they needed and wanted. I hadn't been thinking of makingnew people.

"I know," Zenya sighed. We were standing in the little kitchen area of the boat, having come back out from the cabin so we could all talk. "Robbie already told me that you and he have talked about kids, and they are inyour future at some point."

"I want to have our first around thirty, I think," Cassidy said. "That always felt like enough time that we could get all our adult shit together and have fun, but young enough that it wasn't going to be a hard pregnancy because of age."

That was true - we'd talked about kids multiple times, and a family in general, when talking about marriage. I wanted to be a father, and Cassidy's idea of the timeline felt right for me as well.

"I'm pretty much the same in thinking, I'm just a year or two older than you guys so it's closer for me," Zenya said. "I- two years, maybe three, of dating seriously and it's what I would want."

Cassidy took another breath and nodded, then looked at me. "What do you think, Tiger?"

I had to rub my forehead for a moment, collecting my thoughts and then I sighed. "I don't know," I said truthfully. "You know I want a family too. Kids, more than one. Objectively, I want that with a woman I love, which was always you Cass. Now that there's more than one woman, I guess I need to think about things more broadly. It's one of those issues that the speed of this has made feel unimportant but isreally important. Like... I don't know if any of the girls are religious. Or if they have siblings, or what their parent's names are, or if anyone has lost anyone important to them. Fuck, I don't even know who went to college or not, or-"

The pressure felt like it was mounting on my chest and I had to stop, leaning back against the wall as I blinked rapidly.

"Robbie, Robbie," Cassidy said, coming to me immediately. "It's OK. Take a breath."

"I'm sorry," Zenya said. "I'm not trying to pressure you or anything. It's not something that needs to be decided now."

"No, he's starting to have a panic attack," Cassidy said, fussing with me as she tried to figure out how to calm me down. I could feel myself tipping, the overwhelmingthing that I'd started feeling fucking massive - like I was floating in the middle of a giant bowl and whenever I tried to swim to an edge it just got further away, and that bowl was starting to tilt and lean and I'd get swept away and poured out. "It's- Fuck, it's my fault for putting too much on him all at once," Cassidy said, crying as she held onto me, panicking a little herself.

"Becca told me," Zenya said, rushing to the sink and grabbing a washcloth. I could hear her running the water like a static in the back of my mind, but my vision was starting to tunnel even though I was trying to take long, deep breaths. It didn't really feel like it was helping. I hated that I was making Cassidy cry, and she looked so fucking terrified, but it was another thing that I couldn'tcontrol and I was fucking up and-

Zenya stepped back in front of me and I felt a cold cloth hit the back of my neck, then the colder temperature of ice. She was looking into my eyes with concern, but not fear, and she moved the ice back and forth and then around to the side of my neck, and to my throat.

"That's it, Robbie," she said soothingly. "It's OK. You're here with us, and we love you. Your girlfriends and your fiancee love you. Nothing else is important right now. You have all the time in the world." She brought the ice up right under my jaw, then lifted it to my forehead. It wasn't reallyhelping so much as distracting me a little, but that gave me a chance to breathe, and I started to feel Cassidy gripping my fingers tightly, and my heart seemed to drop back out of my skull and towards my chest.

"I need to sit down," I grunted, and they led me to the living area and the couches.

It took me a good five minutes to really come down, my head throbbing a little and my breathing still feeling too shallow for a lot of it.

Finally, with Cassidy cradling my head in her lap and Zenya sitting with my feet in hers and softly massaging them, I felt the last of the attack leak out of me. "I'm sorry," I said. "I don't know why that just- fuck."

"Shhh," Zenya shushed me. "It's OK, Robbie. You're- damn, everything you said madesense, and I can't really imagine how you're keeping so many balls in the air."

"He's amazing," Cassidy murmured, running her fingers through my hair. "He's fantastic at his job, balancing so many different things all at once. There's just so much emotion tied up with this."

"We don't need to talk about kids now," Zenya said. "And maybe it's a talk that should happen with the others, too."

"Hold on," I grunted softly, pulling my feet from her and sitting up slowly. Even a quick panic attack, and not one that had me going full-on breakdown, made me feel like I'd gotten kicked in the chest. Once I was up and took a hand from each of them, holding them tightly. I looked at Cassidy first. "I love you, and there's obviously more conversation to be had," I told her. Then I looked at Zenya, deep into her eyes and tried to make sure she knew I was saying this rationally and fully. "And we'll need to talk more about kids and everything else," I said. "But just know that I'm not scared, or against, ornegative about having kids with you, Zee. That wasn't what started to get me spiralling. I think you'll be anamazing mom from everything I know about you, so if it's in our future then I would be just as happy as having kids with Cassidy. I just- God, there's somuch I don't know."

Zenya nodded quietly. "Thank you," she whispered, giving me a sad puppy dog face as her eyes teared up a little. Then she leaned in and hugged me, and I shifted and scooped Cassidy into the hug as well. We sat there for longer than we probably should have, but I think we all needed it.

Chapter 319

"I don't like this new trend of me feeling so fucking overwhelmed my body starts to fucking lock up and my brain fries out," I sighed.

"I know, Tiger. I'm so sorry," Cassidy said, rubbing my back. I'd gone out initially with Zenya with a loose tank top and my briefs on, and now we were back in the cabin so I could wash my face and change into something mildly more appropriate to work with food. I'd stopped just inside the door though, leaning against the wall as I let myself feel shitty for a moment.

"Cass, it's not your-"

"Robbie," Cassidy interrupted me. "I get why you'd feel embarrassed that it's happening, but I swear to God if you try and takeany of the blame for having panic attacks I'll literally scream. I did this, and I'm so fucking sorry for it."

I swallowed hard. I knew what she was saying was true - me being overwhelmed, my brain and body having these reactions, all came out of what and how she'd done things.

I was still fucked up.

No matter what all had happened during the trip, there were underlying issues that were only going to be fixed over time. But then... looking at what I knew was true, and what Ifelt, I couldn't connect them. Why was I trying so hard to rationalise wanting to take on guilt for something I couldn't control? Or, maybe even more importantly, why was I willing to forgive her more easily than I did myself like this?

Was it just me, and my nature? Or was it the App?

I had my eyes shut, and I took a deep breath. "Cass, baby, I love you," I said. "But I'm fucked up."

She hugged me, squeezing hard. "Is there anything I can do right now?" she asked in a hoarse whisper.

"I don't think so," I shook my head. "I don't think that therapy can come fast enough. I don't want to say goodbye to the girls, but God I also want to get home and try and just... I don't know."

"I know," she mumbled, her face pressed to my arm as she kept hugging me. "I know."

Getting myself back together wasn't too hard - a quick splash of water on my face, and wiping myself down with some wet paper towel since I didn't want to getanother washcloth wet before we packed to go home. I ended up putting on a tank top that I'd worn at the start of the trip that hadn't gotten too well-worn (or sweaty from the various physical activities my clothes had gone through.) I managed to find one of my pairs of shorts, maybe the last one that hadn't been claimed by Wanda or Cattie, which made me wonder how many of my clothes I was actually going to end up taking home with me. It looked like my sweaters were missing, and a couple of T-shirts.

It was a good thing that I really liked the look of a beautiful woman wearing some of my clothes.

Cass and I went back out to help Zenya with breakfast - we were definitely not going to get it done by the time the others got back. Still, I took a moment to slide up behind Zenya and hug her tightly as I brushed some of her bright red hair behind her ear and kissed her neck. "Thanks for helping me calm down, freckles," I murmured softly.

She set down the knife she was chopping with and raised a hand, scritching her fingers in the hair on the side of my head. "Panic attacks are a big deal, but they aren't abig deal," she said. "I'm sorry you're going through them. I don't think any less of you, and neither do the others, Tiger."

I sighed, hugging her a little tighter, and I could just see the little smile on her face as she took my hands from her stomach and lifted them up to her tits. I chuckled and squeezed them.

"Make sure you give that ass a little last bit of lovin' too," Cassidy said with a playful smirk as she set up another cutting station next to Zenya's.

I did just that, pulling my hands from Zenya's breasts and sliding them down between us, lifting up the bottom of the jersey she was wearing until they were full of her firm, juicy butt cheeks. She flexed them one at a time and wiggled her hips a little as she looked back at me with a gleam in her eye and her tongue just sticking out between her teeth. "I wouldn't mind a littlemore of that attention," she suggested.

Unfortunately, I was halted from deciding what to do next by some calls from outside that the girls were back. I gave Zenya's ass one more firm squeeze and growled lightly in her ear. "I love you, freckles."

"I love you too, Tiger," she said. "Can't wait for next time."

I left the girls to the breakfast work and pulled my shirt back off as I went outside. Wanda and Ami were already back, Baheela was right behind them, and I could see Leia, Becca and Terra on the way. Shuttling the ladies and their equipment back across was quick work for each of them, though they took some liberties again. Wanda pulled me into a kiss with a gratuitous amount of tongue before she let me sit her up on the deck of the boat, and Ami decided she couldn't miss out on that opportunity even if she didn't take quite as forceful a kiss. Heels had a 'wardrobe malfunction' as the bikini top she was wearingsomehow shifted and she flashed me both her tits as she laughed at the look on my face.

Terra and Leia had missed the others playing their games and simply cuddled me a little as I carried them and gave me little kisses in thanks, and when I returned to shore again Cattie had caught up with Becca and they were both waiting for me.

"What's wrong?" Becca asked after taking one good look at me.

"Something happened," Cattie nodded, her brow furrowing. She still had her black hair back in a pair of braids but she'd carried her Snow White dress stuffed back in her equipment back and just had on a bikini now. Becca, meanwhile, looked like she must have done some sort of cavegirl shoot or something because she was wearing a rough brown leather skirt and some body paint on her arms and shoulders, along with a thick bandeau-style white top made out of strips of fabric woven together.

"It's-" I started to say it was nothing but clicked my jaw shut and sighed out a breath through my nose. These were my girlfriends. I loved them, and they loved me. I didn't need to hide from them. "I had another small panic attack," I admitted. "Cass and Zenya and I were talking about big future stuff, and I realised how much I'm behind on knowing important things about you all. Birthdays, religion, parents, who went to college, all that sort of stuff that makes up pieces of who you all are. It hit me hard, but I'm OK."

"Oh, Robbie," Cattie cooed, immediately stepping up to me and pulling me down into a hug. She grabbed Becca's hand and pulled her close, and soon I had both of them hugging me tightly.

"We'll figure it all out," Becca said gently, leaning against me heavily. "That stuff is important, but it's not as important as what we mean to each other. I love you."