Do You Wish You Were Rich?

"What are you drinking," asked Barbara, Norman's wife?

Norman looked at his wife as if it was none of her business what he was drinking.

"If you must know," said Norman defensively while giving her a haughty look. "I'm drinking my medicine, Barbara. I'm drinking a magic elixir that cures everything," said Norman while hiccupping and showing unsteadiness on his feet.

Barbara made a face of disbelief.

"Magic elixir?" She laughed. "Did you get that from the snake oil salesman who sold you those losing lottery tickets?" She sniffed the bottle. "Medicine my ass. This is alcohol and you're drunk. More money down the drain. If it's not bad enough that you waste money playing a lottery that you'll never win, you waste your money on this rotgut, moonshine poison."

Norman smiled at his wife.

"If I don't play the lottery, I'll never win the lottery. And when I drink my medicine, by the time I finish the bottle, I no longer hear your voice and see your face," he said with a laugh. "It's worth every penny, poof, when you suddenly and magically disappear."

Moreover, when states are making money hand over fist because of lottery monies received from losing lottery players, why do they dare charge taxes on your winnings? That's not right. That's just wrong. With the state always with their hand in your pocket and out to grab what little, extra money you have, and with you betting money that has already been taxed, it smells like double taxation to me. Granted you may deduct your losses but with the new tax laws, unless you won big on the lottery and/or had a heart and kidney transplant, you'd be better off taking the standard deduction than itemizing your deductions.

"Let's hear from you? How many thousands of dollars do you think you lost over the years while hoping to win the lottery jackpot and scratching lottery scratch tickets? You'd be better off rolling the dice in Vegas. At least you'd get to see a show while ogling the waitresses flashing you their asses and tits."

While we're discussing the lottery, who gets these lottery jobs anyway? Have you ever seen an ad in the local paper for a lottery job? Are their employees all politically appointed and influentially connected? Or does the lottery commission only hire relatives and friends of employees before giving them new, company cars to drive?

"It's not fair. It's not right."

* * * * *

Speaking of new cars... Even though a car salesman will tell you the opposite, buying a new car from the dealer's lot is more expensive than special ordering the car from the manufacturer and waiting the eight weeks to receive it. Did you know that? How many knew that? Let's see a show of hands. No one.

"Hmm."

I bet you didn't know that you can special-order a new car from the manufacturer. I bet you didn't know that special ordering a car from the manufacturer will not cost you more but less. Well, you're not alone. Instead of special ordering a car, more than ninety-five percent of new car buyers trust their new car salesman enough to buy whatever car they have on their lot and in stock.

"Do you have it in...blue," said the customer knowing very little about the car he was buying and giving the salesman his only criteria in buying a new car?"

The salesman smiled with dollar signs in his eyes.

"I do have this particular model in blue. Tell me, how much can you afford as a monthly payment?"

Never tell the salesman your monthly payment number because when you do, all negotiations end.

Back to special ordering a car from the factory. Most cars can be ordered from the factory through the dealership. It generally takes six to eight weeks for the factory to make your special-order car and deliver it to the dealer. If it cost less to get the color and the options that you want on a new car, why wouldn't you order a new car from the factory instead of buying a new car from the dealer's lot?

Why is special ordering the car from the factory cheaper? Because as soon as a dealer books a car into inventory, he adds insurance costs and finance fees that he must pay the manufacturer each month that the car sits unsold on his lot. Those insurance costs and finance fees are prorated and added to the price of the car and charged to you, the customer.

Second, by special ordering a car, you can pick the color that you want. Why is that important? Most cars that sit on a dealer's lot are white, silver, grey, blue, or black. If you want yellow, orange, red, green, or any other unusual color, that's a special-order car. Moreover, any additional accessories that make the car go faster, last longer, and/or make it more fun to drive are not available on dealers' lot cars. Furthermore, all of those options that add to the enjoyment of driving the car are mere pennies on the dollar to buy from the manufacturer than to add by the dealer after taking delivery of your new car.

Some car manufacturers such as Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, and Volvo offer special European travel and delivery deals when special ordering a car. Moreover, a United States Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, or Volvo dealer will begrudgingly you give you a four or five percent discount when ordering a new car. Yet, when special ordering the same car from the manufacturer and waiting two to four months to receive your new car to arrive, the manufacturer will give the customer a seven to eleven percent discount off their sticker price. That's well worth the wait, don't you think?

They will also pay your airfare there, give you one night free at a hotel, and give you a tour of their factory. When in Europe, before the car is shipped to your local dealer, you get to drive your new car with two-weeks of free insurance provided by the manufacturer. When you're finished touring Europe, they'll ship your car to the United States. Shipping, of course, the same price, no matter if you buy the car from the dealer or the manufacturer is always extra, and not part of discounts, and added on after your negotiated price.

If you really want to save money when buying a car, instead of buying a new car, buy a used car. A two-year-old, low mileage, used car will save you thousands of dollars in purchase price, taxes, and insurance. Yet, buyer beware. I wouldn't buy any used car that was in an accident, had exceptionally high mileage, had an altered or rebuilt title, or was in a flood.

Then, there are those who prefer leasing a car. Car leases are more deemed for businesses than they are for individuals. In my opinion, I wouldn't lease a car unless I owned a business and could write off the entire amount of the lease as a business expense.

In the way "they" do with new car leases, "they" do with drug commercials. The car manufacturers and dealers flash their disclaimers on the screen too fast to read and in dull, hard to read, small print to protect their asses. As it is with new car leases, it is with prescription drugs. Just as there are more penalties with leasing a new car, there are too many dangerous side effects with taking a drug. Car manufacturers and pharmaceutical companies should be upfront and honest without lying to the public about new cars leases and/or the side effects of prescription drugs sold.

"It's not right. It's not fair."

As far as I'm concerned in regards to new car leases, a true car lease are those leases advertised from car manufacturers and not from car dealerships and/or banks. A true car lease requires no money down and not the thousands of dollars down that banks and car dealerships require. A true car lease has a much smaller monthly payment than the payment you'd have if buying a car to own and if leasing a car from a dealership or a bank.

* * * * *

Before getting ahead of ourselves, while we're on the subject of lotteries, contests, and grand prize scams, here's another sore point that makes me angry. Even though they advertise that the winner of the America's Got Talent contest will receive a one-million-dollar grand prize, did you know that the winner of America's Got Talent doesn't receive the one-million-dollar grand prize? I guess you never read the fine print that briefly appears in dull, hard to read print at the bottom of the TV screen.

Technically, if AGT winners want to impatiently accept forty, twenty-five-thousand-dollar, financial annuity, yearly payments over forty-frigging-years, yes, they'll technically receive one-million-dollars before taxes. Yet, even then, whatever expenses the contestants have incurred are deducted from their winnings. Moreover, that's not what AGT advertises and hypes. They advertise and hype a one-million-dollar grand prize to the winner even though winners don't receive the one-million-dollar grand prize when they win.

"Are you kidding me? Give me a break? How is that possible? Why is that legal? Talk about greed, fraud, false advertising, and deception. Talk about using and abusing naïve contestants. That's bullshit. That's not right and that's not fair."

Instead, of having to wait forty-frigging-years for their winnings, most people take the one-time payment and after taxes, even then, hardly not the million-dollar prize advertised, they're lucky to receive four-hundred-thousand-dollars. Not nearly enough money to be deemed a millionaire, that's hardly enough to be deemed rich. That's barely enough to buy a house, a new car, take a vacation, and set aside some money for a rainy day.

As far as I'm concerned, that's false advertising. That's fraud. While Simon and his cohorts and co-conspirators, Heidi Klum, Mel B., and Howie Mandel are making multi-million-dollar salaries while sitting on the asses and insulting talented contestants, contestants make nothing.

"Now that you're a millionaire, what will you do with your one-million-dollar, grand prize?"

Tyra Banks asks the same annoying question of every performer, the singer, the dancer, the juggler, the comedian, or the ventriloquist as I yell at the TV screen that the prize is twenty-five-thousand-dollars over forty-years and not one-million-dollars now. Does she really believe that the winners are instant millionaires? Did she not take the time to read the fine print of the contest prize and the contracts written by a dozen lawyers in favor of America's Got Talent? Or is she that dumb?

Actually, with her net worth estimated at nearly one-hundred-million-dollars, we know that Tyra Banks is not a stupid woman. Harvard Business School even allowed her to attend classes as part of an Owner/President Management extension program but she's hardly a Harvard graduate, even though she sometimes acts like she is. Something more to enhance her image and feed her ego than to add to her professional qualifications, she received a certificate from Harvard and not a degree.

"Well, Tyra, in the way that you're a multi-millionaire for standing still and looking sexy, pretty, and smiling while showing most of your big, natural breasts and being photographed, I'm no millionaire," said the amateur comedian vying to win the contest. "If by chance I live forty more years to receive all of the prize money that I supposedly won, in the meantime, I'll live off the twenty-five-thousand-dollars given to me yearly, before taxes, to pay for my rent and buy food."

Moreover, signing their rights away by signing a contract that is not written for them but for America's Got Talent producers, AGT reserves the right that their winning prize offer can be withdrawn at any time and the prize money not paid.

"What? Are you kidding me? How's that? That's not right. That's not fair."

How can AGT falsely advertise that the winner will receive one-million-dollars when the winner only receives twenty-five-thousand dollars a year over forty years less expenses. Then, whenever they deem necessary, how can they decide to no longer pay the winner their measly, twenty-five-thousand-dollar yearly payments before taxes. How greedy and deceiving can they be? Do they even pay these people for appearing and competing in the talent show?

"Mom," said the winner of America's Got Talent excitedly! "I received mail from AGT. It must be my first twenty-five-thousand-check for winning America's Got Talent. Oh, my God," said the ventriloquist dejectedly and depressingly after she opened her mail.

Mother looked at her child horrified.

"What? What's wrong baby?"

The winner of the contest looked up at her mother with tears in her eyes.

"It says that they rescinded my prize because Simon used my prize money to buy a new Rolls Royce for himself."

Are you kidding me? If this wasn't true, I'd never believe it. After all the concern that the panel of judges showed for these poor souls bearing their hearts out to America, how dare they not pay the prize money? After all the money that AGT makes from running this contest, how dare they be allowed to rescind their prize money offer?

"That's not right. That's not fair."

* * * * *

Some of us wish to be rich more than others while others are happy with their lot in life without having the complications of fame, fortune, and wealth. Some of us still believe that being rich is not in material possessions but in the way that Jimmy Stewart was characterized in 'It's a Wonderful Life,' and being surrounded by a loving family and supportive friends. Some of us believe that they're already rich by living a good life, having a good job, owning a nice house, believing in God, attending church regularly, having money in the bank, and enjoying good health.

"Seriously. Are you kidding me? What a crock of shit? Who are these people, cult members? How can all these Bible thumpers be so naïve and so stupid. I'd rather be rich than to be surrounded by a loving family and supportive friends. In the words of the late, great Howard Hughes, who needs family and friends? I can buy all of them later with money. Give me money. MONEY! Show me the MONEY!"

After preaching the Bible and preaching what their congregation should and shouldn't do, the hypocritical Evangelicals had an about face recently when retreating from their moral high ground. Instead of lambasting President Trump for all of his lies, his insulting tweets, his comments about grabbing pussies, and his abhorrent sexual behavior, instead of shunning him from him having sexual affairs with prostitutes and porn stars, they're embracing him. Seemingly, all that the Evangelicals care about is what President Trump can do for them while not giving a care to what he had done in the past and continues to do in the present. After all of their holier than thou, moral posturing, all they really care about is MONEY.

In the way that Cuba Gooding, Jr. said as Rod Tidwell, "Show me the money," in Jerry Maguire with Tom Cruise as Jerry Maguire, I'd love to see some money. Show me the money. Let's see some green. Put your money where your mouth is and show me the Benjamins. That's right. Stack those 100's high on my table.

Alas, with life hardly a bowl of cherries, as Peggy Lee sung the song written by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, 'Is That All There Is?' Literally and figuratively, is that all there is? If that's all there is, then, let's go dancing.

"Dancing? Who can dance at a time like this? Fuck going dancing. If you're not showing me the money, then I'm going home. Bye. See ya later. I have better things to do than to have sex with your flabby ass for free."

Are we all supposed to be satisfied with our lot in life and accept our fate when we weren't lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon in our mouths? When we're stuck at the bottom of the ladder, can't reach the next rung up, and with no one there to give us a handout or a leg up, what are we supposed to do? Without money and the opportunity to make money, continuing for generations, most of us are doomed to live in poverty all of our lives.

Most of us believe that we're middle class. Because we have a job, a roof over our heads, and food to eat, most of us are naively comfortable and submissively go along with the status quo. Rather than planning for our future, ergo retirement, we relax in front of the TV or play video games on the computer. Most of us are happy with that average middleclass designation. Yet, compared to the rich, with them able to buy and sell us at any time, we're nothing and nobody. Collateral damage to whatever laws and political policies our legislators make, we're expendable.

After working so hard to make our way up the ladder of success, all that it takes for us to go back to the end of the line of life and languish at the poverty level is a setback slide from a serious illness. All it takes to go back to square one is a severe accident or merely losing our job. All it takes to ruin our lives is divorce or, God forbid, a death of a spouse or the loss of a child.

Few of us can scrape together a thousand dollars for an unplanned for emergency. Our lives are so fragile financially that most of us, but for the rich, live day-by-day, hand-to-mouth, and paycheck-to-paycheck. In a blink of an eye, after precariously teetering on financial ruin year-after-year, we can have the rug literally pulled out from under us at any time.

"That's not right. That's not fair."

Alas and disappointingly, perhaps, Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall in As Good as It Gets, was correct in his assessment of life. When leaving his psychiatrist's office, what he said to those in the waiting room was as shocking as it was prophetically true. An angry man, he was made angrier by the reality of his difficulties in controlling his habitual and compulsive life of idiosyncrasies, eccentricities, and odd quirks.

"What if this is as good as it gets," asked Jack to a waiting room filled with mentally troubled patients?

Sadly, what if he's right in his assessment of life. What if this is as good as it gets? Are you happy with that? Can you live with that? Are you satisfied with your life in the way that it is now? Have you complacently settled not to achieve more than what you already have? What if this is as good as it gets and your life never gets any better than this? If that forced to swallow reality is not depressing enough, then I don't know what is more depressing other than knowing that you're going to die.

"If that's all there is, then, let's keep dancing and have a ball. Yet, sadly and unfortunately, if that's all there is and this is as good as it gets is not good for everyone. Unless you're living the good life, then what's the sense of living when we can't afford to go dancing because we don't have the money and have to work the next day?"

For those mentally troubled people waiting see the doctor, a real reality check, by the looks on their faces was as if Melvin Udall had splashed cold water in their faces and/or had given them electric shock therapy. Were they crazy enough to believe that their lives would be any better without money? We all need money not only to survive and live but to experience all that living life has to offer. Seriously, who wants to go on living life if that's all that there is and if this is as good as it gets?

Alas, if only those who subscribed to the notion that they're already rich without money realized that only the good die young, perhaps they'd change their tune. If only they realized that only the good die young, perhaps they'd do something wrong, bad, and/or illegal after realizing that...according to Billy Joel's song, Only the Good Die Young, that, indeed, only, the good die young. Being that only the good die young, now we know why our politicians and clergy live such a long and happy life.

"Hear me Oh, Lord. Here my prayers... Tell me, I can take it. Is that all there is? Be honest, is this as good as it gets? Please, I need to know, will I die young if I'm good, too good? Since you're here now, can you tell me who's going to win the Super Bowl...and what's point the spread? You wouldn't have this week's lottery numbers, would you? God? Are you still there? Hello? Amen."