Don't Kiss Me There

"He grabbed me and dragged me out to the parking lot before I could retrieve my coat. 'So you want a ride home, bitch? I'll give you a ride you won't forget.' He threw me in the car and roared off.

"Cameron drove recklessly as he swilled whiskey from a flask. His bad leg made his driving even worse. He began taunting me: 'What if I ran this car off a bridge? All my problems would go away. Yours, too.'

"We hurtled out onto a two-lane highway, going well over the speed limit. 'Let's see how fast this baby will go,' he threatened. I begged him to slow down. When he wouldn't, I started screaming at him to stop and let me out. We were up on an overpass when he screeched to a halt. 'So you want to get out, here's your chance.'

"I immediately unfastened my seatbelt and stumbled out of the car. I decided to head back the way we came--in case he changed his mind or tried to run over me.

"I was stranded on the bridge with only my thin prom dress protecting me against a bitter wind. I could see the taillights of his Corvette as he raced away erratically, picking up speed. Since I was up on the overpass, I could see his car for a long time. In the distance, I saw him take the curve way too fast. He probably had trouble trying to get his leg to step on the brake. I saw the car flip over twice and smash into a tree and start a fire. I collapsed in tears on the curb.

"It wasn't long before the sirens got closer: police cars, ambulances, fire trucks. I tried to flag them down, but they raced past me. I was freezing, and it was pointless to try and walk anywhere, especially in my heels. There was broken glass all over.

"A highway patrol car finally saw me and pulled over. An older trooper got out and walked over. He recognized me: 'You're Elaine, aren't you? Burt and Carla's daughter?' Maybe he knew me from the notoriety around the trial. 'Did you see what happened?' I explained how I came to be on the side of the road. 'Miss, you are lucky to be where you are--very lucky.'

"The heater in his patrol car stopped me from shivering while he took down my statement. I could see the flames still burning in the distance and emergency lights spinning and flashing. He said he knew Burt, my biological father--but not well. They went to school together. It turned out he was also at the scene of the crash that killed him, back when he worked for the local police. He started to say something, but he was interrupted by the sound of the Corvette exploding.

"I collapsed in tears. I was hysterical. It brought back nightmares of how my father died. He took me home immediately. My mother put me to bed while the trooper explained to my stepfather what had happened. I could smell liquor on her breath. She had started drinking heavily again after my attack.

"That night I did have a breakdown. Had to go to the loony bin for treatment. I'm still not sure what all they did to me in there, but I felt better in the end.

"Never finished school. Worked at any crappy job that would hire a drop-out. Managed to get my GED eventually. I had to get out of there. Took every dollar I'd saved and hitchhiked to L.A.

"I changed my last name--Danielson is my maternal grandmother's maiden name. I wanted to wipe clean any connection to Burt--that drunken piece of shit that beat my mother, verbally abused me, and left us to fend for ourselves after he took the coward's way out.

"I had a real hard time at first...real hard. Did some things I wish I hadn't."

Elaine fell silent. I sensed awful memories were flooding back. She started to sob.

"But I got back on my feet," she said defiantly.

Tears were flowing from my eyes along with hers. She abruptly turned her back to me.

"Jay, I'm so fucked up. I just want to be normal. But I keep screwing over everyone who tries to help me or is kind to me. That's why I have to see you on the side. I couldn't be with you regularly, or I'd end up betraying you, too. I'm afraid to be with you any more often than we do now. I don't want to spoil our thing like I've done to every other guy I've been with."

"Elaine, you were right. I had no idea, no idea at all. Please forgive me for making you live through all those bad memories again."

"It's OK," she said quietly. "You're the only one I've told out here. It's been eating me up inside. Afraid to get close to anyone. Having to hold back that story from them. Knowing they might eventually find out. And look at me differently, then dump me. I don't want to be defined by it--as a victim."

"Elaine, I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell the story."

She turned back over and buried her head in my chest and cried--deep, heaving sobs. I held her to me and comforted her as best I could, stroking her hair and speaking softly, words I hoped were reassuring.

After she stopped crying and had settled down, I begged for permission to go to the bathroom. She rolled off me, exhausted. I took her hand and kissed it before I got up.

When I got back, I looked down at Elaine. Such a tall, vibrant woman looking so small and beaten. I could feel the anguish and torment behind her sad eyes. Her preference had always been that I leave and not stay over.

"Elaine, it's late. I can go now if you want to be by yourself."

She leaned up and grasped my arm.

"No. Don't go. I want you to stay tonight. Stay with me, please."

I slipped back under the covers with her.

"That's what I hoped you'd say. I really didn't want to leave you. I want to comfort you any way I can."

She leaned over and started kissing me gently.

"Thank you. Thank you for listening. And not running out. I really need you here with me tonight, Jay. I really do."

I had a fitful night, my first in Elaine Danielson's bed.

PART TEN: The Recovery

I was awakened early the next morning when Elaine came back from the bathroom. She got under the covers and snuggled up against me. The breaking dawn was turning the sky pink. She sighed contentedly.

"Jay?"

"Yes."

"Is your offer still on the table?"

I was still groggy from being awakened. I wasn't sure what she meant.

"What you said last night. Before I started telling my story."

She ran her finger seductively over my lips.

"Remember? Me on top, you on the bottom. Straddling your face. Kissing me there, between my legs. I've never had a man pleasure me like that."

All of a sudden it made sense: why she hadn't wanted me--or anybody--going down on her. The realization hit me like a brick. I was stunned by my cluelessness.

"Absolutely, Elaine. The offer is still there. Are you sure you want to?"

"More than sure. I want to feel you get close to me like that, share that closeness. Like I've done with you. Can we do it now?"

Despite my concerns, I guided her into position: on her knees, torso erect, right above my mouth. Scars were still visible on both thighs.

"Elaine, I'm going to wet my lips. Spread your labia open and lower yourself slowly until you're touching me, then move around a little."

She glanced down and delicately revealed her inner lips to me. "OK, Jay, here goes."

Elaine began descending--gently, ever closer to my mouth. Once she made contact, her first slight movement startled her.

"Oh! OH!" She shuddered and straightened up. "Sorry, that was very nice actually. I wasn't ready for it to feel that good."

"Try it again."

She lowered herself and began rubbing her pussy on my mouth, more confidently this time.

"Oooh, that isso nice!"

"All right, are you ready for a little tongue?"

"I think so," she giggled.

When she rubbed her lips against mine, I let my wet tongue move slowly around her inner folds.

"Eeek! Aaah! Jay, oh, Jay!"

She pulled up, slightly out of breath. "Oh, I can't wait to find out what's next."

"Elaine, brace yourself against the wall with your arms. I'll spread your lips open with my thumbs. I'll keep sliding my tongue around and sucking on you. You should move yourself around on my mouth. Control how much pressure you want and where you want it. I'll try to get in tune with your responses. Remember, we're just getting to know each other down there. We don't have to orbit the moon right away."

She took a deep breath.

"OK, here goes," I announced.

We started slowly. I'd get in sync with her for a few seconds, then I'd throw a different move into the mix: a rapid left to right with the tip of my tongue on her clit or pressing my wet lips up and down her slit. Elaine didn't need any further instruction--she was off and running: groaning loudly and letting out a wave of staccato squeals.

This was an emotional moment for me as well. All the times I'd had sex with her, wanting to taste her pussy, her unexplained brush-offs--plus the furtive sucking of her cum from my fingers as a tantalizing substitute for what I really wanted to do. And there I was, drinking in her wonderful, wet arousal as she surrendered to my special kisses. The same glorious, musky dampness of Elaine that I'd enjoyed on my fingers--now all over my lips and tongue.

She started calling out my name--many times. I'd set a pattern of licking and letting her grind her pussy on my mouth, then I'd change it up. Her moans were at a higher pitch than when I fuck her. Her thighs started trembling. I wasn't sure if she would have an orgasm or maybe a different kind than usual.

Elaine let out a huge groan and dropped her hands down on my shoulders.

"I need your cock in meright now!"

She reached back for my erection and impaled herself on it. Her face hovered close to mine as she started a wild thrusting on my prick. She grabbed my hair with both hands and begged me to get rough with her.

"Fuck me, Jay. Hard. Good and hard. Please," she sputtered.

Her wet, aggressive tongue kisses filled my mouth, making it hard for her to speak. I'd certainly seen her enjoy enthusiastic sex before but not quite that unhinged.

Elaine pushed herself upright and began grinding hard on my cock. Her hands were on my chest.

"Here, grab my wrists instead," I said. It was like the grip that acrobats use.

That gave her the ability to thrash around even more. She got wilder, leaning back as I held tightly to her wrists. I lifted my back up off the bed slightly, and we started a rocking, thrusting motion that caused her to cry out loudly. We'd never fucked in that position before.

Then I noticed a strange look come over her face, like she was scared.

"Jay, what's happening to me? What is....? Something's... aaah!"

Elaine was so overcome that she leaned back too far and lost her balance. My cock fell out of her, and a long arc of fluid squirted from her pussy--spraying all over the wall behind me and wetting my face and chest.

Elaine looked panicked and started to shake all over. She rolled on her side, wailing.

"What happened? What did I do? I peed on you! I'm sorry, Jay. I didn't mean to."

"Elaine, it's OK, it's OK. That was normal. You got so turned on that you ejaculated. That's not pee."

She was still on her side, shaking and clasping her hands over her pussy and clenching her legs together tightly. She looked like she didn't believe me.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Elaine. There's still a lot of mystery around it, but most women can do it if they get stimulated in the right place."

I embraced her. "Elaine it's OK, honey, you're OK. Actually, that was phenomenally sexy, what you did. It's like when you let me come all over you."

She still seemed unconvinced. "Really? That was normal? That was cum? From my pussy?"

We cuddled for several minutes as she tried to get comfortable with what had happened. Then Elaine crawled over to the wall and looked at the spatter. Her hand gingerly touched the damp pillow.

"Go ahead, smell it. It's not pee, really."

She carefully bent down to down to check.

"You're right, it's not."

"No, it's your cum. You got so turned on that you ejaculated. I know, it's hard to believe. You just had an impressive, sexy cum squirt."

"Oh, now you're making me hot again. My pussy is tingling."

She collapsed on the bed and began writhing; her hands went between her legs. She rubbed her pussy and groaned. I watched her slowly masturbate, moaning and rolling around on the bed. Elaine turned her head and looked up at me with lust covering her face.

"Jay, come closer."

As I inched forward she implored, "I want your cock in my mouth."

I was on my knees. I leaned over toward her face. She shifted closer and grabbed my erection, taking it all the way down her throat, bobbing and stroking. Her other hand was still rubbing her clit.

I began slowly thrusting into her mouth. She moaned her approval. The totality of what just happened that morning pushed a startlingly quick orgasm to the front.

"Elaine, I'm going to come," I warned. I wanted to give her a chance to jerk me off on her face or boobs. I had never finished in her mouth before. She kept going, shaking her head "yes" and moaning.

"I'm coming now, Elaine. Now!"

Her eyes opened wide as the first shot of semen spewed into her mouth. Numerous strong spurts followed, deep in her throat. I barely noticed how aggressively she was rubbing her clit and writhing around. She moaned loudly as my cum filled her mouth, swallowing as she kept stroking me. It felt like a huge load, but she got it all down.

Elaine pulled me out of her mouth but kept stroking as the last few drops fell down on her face. She let out a huge, guttural groan as her pelvis twitched. I saw a small spray of fluid squirt out of her again.

She seemed completely blown away by what had just happened: my first time coming in her mouth and another ejaculation from her pussy. I eased myself down next to her and gave her a long, deep kiss. She responded eagerly, her tongue swirling and thrusting into my mouth, letting me taste my own cum. Then Elaine put her arms around me and placed her cheek against mine.

"Hold me," was all she could say.

We were breathing hard, our chests pressed together, hearts beating fast. Insane, mixed-up thoughts and emotions surged through my head. The horrific story she told me smacked hard against my brain.

Elaine, my poor, sweet woman. I burned with shame from all the nasty things I had thought and said about her over the years--I had no idea. I worried about her. What was she thinking? Was she afraid I would look at her differently now? Think less of her? See her as a victim?

A few minutes later Elaine raised her head. "I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry." A sheepish grin spread across her face.

"Here's the plan. I'm in no shape to go out in public right now. If you would, please run up to the boulevard and bring back something to eat from the bakery. Make sure you get some of their rolls with the orange frosting, OK? I'll make us some coffee."

We sat up slowly. I stumbled to the bathroom to wash my face. I stared into the mirror as I saw Elaine in the background pulling the sheets off the bed. She was looking at the mattress when I walked back in.

"I think I'm going to let it air out before I put fresh sheets on." She pointed over at the wall where she had squirted. "So that's the mark of a satisfied woman?"

We both had a big laugh.

"I'm not going to clean it off. I want to be reminded of the day my life changed."

She hugged me tightly. We shared a soft kiss.

"I'm going to the bakery now." I checked to make sure I had my wallet.

"Don't forget to come back," she joked. "I'm making coffee, remember?"

As I started to close the front door behind me, I saw Elaine measuring out the beans into her grinder. It was the first time she had prepared anything for me in her kitchen.

* * *

When I got back, the smell of dark roasted coffee filled the apartment. I set out the pastries on a plate as she filled my cup.

"Jay, I have no idea how you like your coffee."

"Splash of milk, raw sugar. Two, please."

Elaine had slipped into a deep red satin robe and pinned up her hair. She reached out for my hand as we ate quietly. Emotions passed silently between us when our fingers touched.

The whole tableau seemed surreal: the early morning sun coming through the blinds, the domesticity of the meal we were having together--and knowing what we had just done in bed. Other than the times we had gone to lunch, I don't think I'd ever seen her in the daylight. Certainly not the first thing in the morning.

"Jay, you heard me say last night I just want to be normal. I'd call what I'm feeling right now happy and peaceful. I feel better about myself than I have... well, I don't really have anything to compare it to. My normal is nothing like how I feel this morning, but I like this feeling better."

I felt a closeness to her that was completely unexpected. She seemed like a totally different person than the one I had met years before.

"I haven't been to a therapist since I got out of the nut hut. I'm long overdue for some treatment. Yes, I don't really know what normal is for me--or should be. I need to find that out."

Elaine thought about it for a while. She leaned over and took both my hands in hers.

"Will you help me do that? Be there for me while I'm getting better?"

"Elaine, you shouldn't even have to ask. I'll support you in every way that I can."

I pulled my chair next to hers and put my arms around her. She put her face against mine and hugged me tightly."

"Thank you so much, Jay. I knew I could count on you."

We fell silent as we embraced. My head was overloaded with thoughts, fears, urges, questions, anger at the people who hurt her. I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind at that moment. Her strength, her spirit--it warmed my heart. I didn't want to let go of her. Our coffee got cold before we knew it.

PART ELEVEN: The Road to Normal

Elaine was lucky. She had good insurance at work and found a therapist with whom she felt comfortable. He helped her immensely, quickly distinguishing between the issues that arose from her parents' alcoholism versus the traumatic incident from high school. Elaine always said she felt a lot better after the sessions than before she went in.

Her therapist did, however, suggest that she attend meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics to complement his therapy. He felt a group setting would be beneficial for her.

I had mentioned ACA to Elaine earlier, before she started her therapy. I explained it's for people who grew up with alcoholism in their family, usually their parents. The program gets to the heart of what that experience can do to you: affecting your judgment, relationships, self-esteem--your whole life.

"Elaine, it could help you become the 'normal' person you were talking about," I suggested. But she wasn't convinced it was the right choice for her.

"Jay, my mother was a drunk, too. We lost her to the bottle several times. She was finally able to conquer her drinking problem but at a cost. The Alcoholics Anonymous program finally got her sober, but it drove a huge wedge between her and my stepfather. He said it was like a cult.

"Gradually he felt like an outsider, alienated from her as she became more involved and dependent on her AA group. I'll give ACA a try, but why does is have to be a 12-step program?"

She dutifully went to her first meeting but was very conflicted by her experience there.

"The group setting is helpful. Hearing about the struggles others have gone through with alcoholic parents. But all that indoctrination, the victimhood, the cult-like behavior and mindset. It just gets in the way of the good things I want to get out of it. I'll keep going, but I wish I could ignore all that 'higher power' stuff."

I worried about what had happened between her mother and stepfather. Would she start to pull away from me as she got drawn into her ACA experience? Nonetheless, I stood by her every step of the way, and I kept to the side when she didn't need me.