- Non-Erotic
- Go For Broke
- Page 3
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Click here"Yeah. They won't miss us, and if they do, well ... fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."
"When?"
"I'll get on-line tonight and make the reservations for the day after tomorrow, that's February 14."
"Hey, that's Valentine's Day."
"It's some kind of holy day you can't travel on Valentine's Day?"
"You buy, I'll fly."
"Deal."
I paid, and we went home. Together.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 12 years agoI really wanted to like this entry, both because I appreciate your condensed and idiosynchratic style and because of your tireless efforts editing other entries for this competition. However, it had (for me) three fatal flaws.
1. It was not as free-standing as your introduction suggested. I had to break off early and re-read its precursors (particularly "Trust") in order to better appreciate your characterisations. Whilst this is fine in the context of reading your work, I feel that a themed competition entry should be readable at its best purely in the context of that competition.
2. Valentine's Day played no real part in the plot and the artificial introduction of 14th February as a flight date at the end fell well short of your usual tight storytelling.
3. Quite often, your work is more "lit" than "erotica." I believe that the non-erotic category on this site is valuable because it allows writers to set their work in a wider context and to introduce linking and background narratives into sustained landscapes. This story seems to be for that purpose. If you carry on with the characters portrayed here then you will have made good use of this category, but again I feel a Valentine's story has to be more than this. Even if non-erotic, I think it needs to be at least a Valentine's Day-based love story, which this is not.
Please note that I am not running the story down as a piece of writing. I just wish you had not entered it in this competition.
Trying to be helpful.
V.S.
Anonymousover 12 years agoI liked it. I want to know more about Molly and what happens on the flight or where they go. It's a good ending nonetheless.
The characters were good and the tension and development of Molly made me want to see more. Great title, btw.
Thanks again!
estragonover 12 years agoAuthorthan "just being DG's editor". As a storyteller I've learned a ton from DG Hear, MFG, SA Penn Lady, LunaEroticaMystica,NT, LettersFromTatyana, Serenissima Sydney Blake, and SilkStockingsLover. And the other fine writers I've worked with. Copy editing has been the ultimate course in creative writing. Of course I can't imitate their distinctive styles, and I damn sure don't have their talent. But reading good writing, word for word, helps. I recommend it to all writers.
bruce22over 12 years agoReally interesting language, characters and dialogue. It was a pleasure! I certainly hope that it was a long term hookup! I will have to read Estragon, he is clearly not just DG's editor (they make a great team)
