Panacea

I laughed with her. It had been hilarious. I shrugged. “Looked good to me.”

Heather giggled. “I was so embarrassed. You apologized profusely, then reminded me it was better to be overdressed than underdressed.”

“I’m shocked you went out with me again.”

“Hm. You had some charm.” Heather turned to Kristen and shook her head. “He didn’t kiss me until our fifth date.”

Kristen’s eyes widened in disbelief.

David whistled. “Damn, man. How did you manage that?”

“Eh, I knew she was special. Didn’t want to scare her away.” I rubbed my face and couldn’t believe I was admitting to all this. “Nearly did, though. She thought I was dating her to get to her sister. Confronted me on the fifth date, all sassy. ‘You’re just dating me to get to Charlotte, you douche!’ I had to kiss her to shut her up.”

Both of us laughed so hard we cried. Kristen and David watched us, warm smiles on their faces.

“That’s romantic,” Kristen said.

“It’s crazy, is what it is. Still don’t know how I convinced her to keep dating me.”

David nodded. “Felt the same way when I was dating Kristen. She was the first girl I ever was serious about, and she wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

“Oh, please,” Kristen scoffed. “You gave me no sign you were interested!”

David ignored her and leaned over in my direction. “She wasn’t interested in me until I punched some guy in the nose for touching her at a party. Then she thought maybe I was a bad boy and was a little interested. I totally duped her. By the time she realized I was a complete nerd, it was too late: she was irresistibly in love with me.”

“Shut up,” Kristen said, a giant smile on her face.

Dinner took a serious edge later on when Heather told them about how we’d cleaned out the baby’s room.

“We boxed up some stuff, and we’ll use it when we need. We really had too much to begin with, so it’s okay.”

“How do you feel about that, Jack?” David asked.

“I was worried that it would mean that we were accepting the whole thing, or trying to forget him. It was horrible.” I played around with my wine glass and shrugged. “You were right, though. It’s therapeutic. It had to be done.”

“I’m glad that it helped you.”

I was quickly seeing why Kristen and David were such comforts to Heather. I felt better than I had in forever.

The four of us moved into the living room and played music. The women danced, swaying to the music and sipping more wine. We were all more than a little buzzed, but we were having fun and that was the most important thing. I watched my wife’s face bloom with smiles and explode with laughter. She was so beautiful, and I loved her more than life itself.

Heather noticed me watching her and her smile took on a playful edge. She grabbed Kristen and ground against her, watching me with her wicked eyes. Her hand slid down Kristen’s back, caressing the fabric and the skin underneath. Heather wrapped her other arm around Kristen and whispered something in her ear. My wife was being filthy, and although I was a little confused and drunk, I liked it.

David sank onto the couch beside me and let out a sharp breath through his nose. “Hm, just like in college.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kristen’s a bit of a flirt and an exhibitionist, especially when she’s been drinking.”

“Oh.”

David tilted his head and studied me, much like his wife typically did. “Does it bother you?”

My eyes slid back to the two women, who were now rubbing against one another. “Not exactly.”

“Yeah,” he said with a smile, “I didn’t think so. They’re both so hot.”

A flicker of… something… stirred in my chest. It was probably my knee-jerk reaction to having another man refer to my wife as “hot”, but I decided that the whole thing truly didn’t bother me. David was right. Both of them were incredibly hot. Sizzling, in fact. Heather’s hair was a total mess from running her hands through it, but it was such a turn-on. Her body gracefully moved to the beat, and she was a tremendous dancer. One of Kristen’s top buttons had somehow become undone, allowing us all to see the hint of her cleavage. Her face was flushed and those large hazel eyes glittered as they looked at me. Electricity hummed between our bodies, and maybe it was the alcohol or the fact that I hadn’t had sex in over six months, but I didn’t look away. I didn’t pretend that whatever that was vibrating between us didn’t exist. Instead, I leaned back on the couch and let my eyes lock on hers. I could feel my cock hardening and I wasn’t even slightly embarrassed or worried that David would notice. Only Heather and Kristen existed, and fuck, but they looked like they wanted me, too.

Kristen approached and I felt my cock stiffen even more. What would happen? I wasn’t sure, but I wanted it to. Her gaze shifted to David and a filthy smile spread across her face. She lowered herself down onto him and kissed him. I watched them make out in my living room and for some bizarre reason none of it felt weird. I remember thinking that that in itself was weird, but I didn’t care. It was as if I was drugged, or that someone had legitimately cast a spell on me. I wasn’t myself. I didn’t ogle women, I didn’t watch people kiss, and I didn’t really get turned on by anyone other than Heather.

My wife approached me and mimicked Kristen’s movements. She sat on my lap and grinned when she felt my hard cock.

“I don’t…” I started to say, but she shushed me.

Kristen and David finally pulled apart from each other, cheeks flushed, eyes glazed over. They blinked a few times, then Kristen stood up and straightened her clothing. Her nipples were hard through her blouse, and David had to adjust himself before standing. I thought maybe they would be embarrassed, but they weren’t.

“I guess we got a little carried away,” Kristen said, her lipstick a little smeared on her lips. Her eyes roamed over my body, just like they always did, but this time there was a palpable heat there that had been absent before. “Sorry about that. I hope we didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

I looked at Heather, whose face was also red, and shrugged. It was definitely one of the strangest nights of my life and I didn’t know how to feel about it. Judging from Heather’s expression, she felt the same way.

“It’s hard for me to keep my hands off her, especially when she wears things like this.” David put Kristen’s coat on and stroked her ass. He looked over at us. “You guys okay? We’re really sorry if we upset you.”

“No,” I said, then had to clear my throat of its lust. “No, you didn’t upset us. It’s fine.”

Heather and I got up and I had my own adjusting to do. Kristen caught me and gave me a little smile. What the hell was going on? I didn’t know if I cared, but I knew I liked it.

After they left, Heather turned to me and burst into giggles. “What the hell was that?”

“I was hoping you would tell me.”

We cleaned up the kitchen table, and Heather alternated between shaking her head and laughing her ass off. “Your fucking face was priceless.”

“Well, I am definitely not immune to your dancing.”

“Come on. You were turned on by it being both of us dancing together.”

“I fully admit that. The whole thing is just wild. Are you weirded out?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “I was, at first, when she got on his lap. But…” she trailed off with obvious embarrassment. She bit her lip and shrugged again. “I can’t deny it turned me on. Don’t be mad.”

“Baby, I’m not mad. I was turned on, too, obviously.”

“They’re great friends. I’m not going to let this make things awkward now.”

“Good plan.”

Heather was feisty when we got upstairs. She kept play-fighting with me, teasing me, nibbling on my shoulder. I didn’t want to get my hopes up that we would have sex, but when she came out of the bathroom naked and pounced on me, I had to stifle a scream for joy. It had been too long, and I wanted her. Wanted her badly.

“Thank you for tonight, Jack. Thank you,” she kissed my chest, “thank you,” she whispered as she tongued my bellybutton, “thank you,” she breathed against my cock. “They mean so much to me. Thank you for giving them a chance and letting them come over.”

I rested my hand on top of her soft hair and stroked her. “I love you.”

It was the first time we had sex since we lost the baby. I was worried maybe we were going too fast, but I stopped holding back when I saw that Heather needed me as much as I needed her. It was time for us to come together again, time to pick up the pieces and make sense of the aftermath together. I wanted to find my pleasure in her body, and I wanted to use my body to bring her the ultimate ecstasy.

It was rougher than I imagined it would be, and I had imagined it for a while. It was probably because it had been so long and because it seemed like we were finally finding our footing again. Finding each other again.

As weird as the ending of the night was, I couldn’t help but think that maybe we had Kristen and David to thank for that.

*****

“Do you think Kristen is hot?”

I was surprised by the question, especially because my mouth was on my wife’s breast. My brain was switching from arousal to panic mode, and I couldn’t think fast enough.

“It’s not a trick question, I promise. I’m just curious, especially after last night.”

I sat next to her. “I guess so.”

“I knew it!” Heather smacked me with a pillow. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Ha! You were drooling over her last night.”

“I’m sor…”

“Don’t be. It’s okay. She’s absolutely gorgeous and she was dressed like whoa last night. Even I couldn’t take my eyes off her.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling beyond uncomfortable and out of sorts. “Well, do you think David is hot?”

Heather played with her hair and shifted a bit. “Um, a little bit.”

“Wow.”

“You mad?”

“I’m… I’m not sure how to feel about it, to be honest, but I’m not mad at you.” I rubbed my head and tried to think of something to say. “This is fucked up.”

“Can I make another admission?” she asked. “It’s nothing bad, I’ve just been wondering if maybe Kristen and David set that whole thing up.”

“What do you mean?”

“I always thought they were just a touchy-feely couple, but they don’t act that way around anyone else. And Kristen is always commenting about how good-looking you are. Is it possible that maybe they want to hook up with us or something? Am I just being crazy? The thought crossed my mind last night on the couch. Kristen kept watching you out of the corner of her eye.”

That was interesting. “Were you jealous?”

She wrinkled her nose. “No, because I know you love me. It’s strange to say, but it turned me on even more to know that she was looking at you like that, but that you were mine.” She cuddled against me and kissed my bare chest. “Honestly? It was the first time since the miscarriage that I felt like me again. I felt sexy and wanted and just alive.”

I cupped her breast and ran my thumb over her nipple. “You are sexy and wanted. You are alive. Thank God.”

“I love you, Jack.”

I kissed her deeply, then whispered that I loved her, too. “I know what you mean, by the way. We needed last night. Badly.”

Heather’s sleepy eyes ran down my body. “We did. I want more of you.”

I wanted to fuck her more than anything, but an unasked question bothered me. “Did you bring up the swinger thing because it’s something you’re interested in doing?”
“Oh, God, I’d probably laugh if Kristen approached me.”

I pinched her nipple and she whimpered. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Fine. I don’t know, I would be interested in it if you were willing to do it. I have no desire to have an affair. They have just done so much for me, they helped to bring me out of my funk, and they get me. Not to mention, both of them are very attractive. I never thought I would entertain having sex with someone other than you, but yeah, okay? I’m fantasizing about them a little bit. How do you feel about it? Would you want to?”

“I feel really out of my element, here.”

She touched my cock and began stroking. “Does this help? Because this is enough for me, truly. I don’t need them.”

I didn’t answer. Instead, I lost myself in the feeling of sex, of having my wife back again. It was enough for me, too.

*****

As usually happens after this sort of thing, I couldn’t get my mind off of Kristen. I kept fantasizing about what would have happened that night if they hadn't stopped. Maybe Heather was right. Maybe they were deliberately trying to provoke us. If they had invited us to join, would we have accepted?

It brought a painful pang to my heart just imagining it. Heather was mine, and I wasn’t interested in sharing her with David, as kind as he was. Maybe I was being petulant, but she belonged to me. We made vows. It would fucking destroy me to lose Heather.

Kristen and David invited us to dinner the next weekend. I wasn’t sure about attending, but Heather reminded me about all the healing she had done lately and I felt like an asshole saying no. I insisted on them coming over to our place, though, a weak attempt to ensure I was in control. I was going to barbecue and mind my own business.

They showed up a little late and Kristen was dressed far more conservatively than last time, which instantly put me in a better mood, until I noticed the way her pants hugged her plump ass. Fuck.

The beginning of the night went fine. We talked about our similar interests, shared funny stories, and did all of the things expected of two couples sharing dinner. We split up at one point so Kristen could see the rest of the house, something we neglected to do last time. David joined me at the grill, complimenting me on my skill. I took the flattery, but it put me on edge. Was he trying to butter me up so I wouldn’t freak out if he came on to us later?

Once we were back inside, Heather was busy with the side dishes. David offered to help, and Kristen asked where the bathroom was. I opened the wine and took a greedy gulp. Nothing was going wrong, exactly, but I was definitely uncomfortable.

“I’m going to get the candles,” I announced, but neither of them were listening.

The candles were in the hallway closet, a nice distance away from the kitchen, and I needed a break from their laughter and increasing familiarity. I didn’t like it, but there was something…. hypnotic about it, all the same. I wasn’t at the point where I felt like I needed to kick the shit out of David, but if he put his hand on her waist one more time, I didn’t know what would happen.

As I was walking down the hallway, I noticed the baby’s bedroom door was open and the light was on. Heart pounding, I peeked in and saw Kristen sitting on the bed. Most of the room was empty by now, save the toys and clothes we wanted to keep. She was sobbing as she held onto a teddy bear.

Then she looked up and saw me standing there. She wiped at her eyes and stood, shaking as she apologized. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. I just was curious about how it was coming along, and then I saw this.” She held up the bear. “We had the same one.”

I was furious she was in there, but I never handled weeping women well. I put my arm on her shoulder and tried to comfort her as best I could. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s just a bear, remember?”

“You’re a good man, Jack. Heather tells me all about you. You are her rock.” She took a deep breath. “What she probably hasn’t told you is how much she’s helped us as well. We were doing okay, but we didn’t realize we needed Heather until we met her.” She smiled. ‘We think of you the same way, too.”

I took a step back, but kept my arms around her. She was warm and soft, and so fucking inviting. I looked at her covered breasts and imagined what they would look like without a scrap of clothing.

“Jack? You’re ogling me.”

My eyes shot up to hers. “What?”

“You were just staring at my chest.”

I shook my head, feeling like the ultimate asshole. “God, I’m sorry.”

She licked her lips with that fucking tongue. “That’s okay. You can look.”

There it was. That twinkle in her eye. “What’s going on here?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” she said. She was lying.

“Let’s get back outside.” I watched her glide toward the door and called her name. She looked at me over her shoulder. “I have to tell Heather.”

A smile crossed her face that I couldn’t understand. “I know.”

*****

I was desperate for them to leave. I was going to have to tell my wife about my almost slip-up earlier and I doubted she would take it well.

Thankfully, they left earlier than expected. Kristen hugged me and gave me that smile again, and David shook my hand warmly with an unfathomable expression on his face.

Heather was quiet after they left. We worked together to clean the place up, and every time I started a line of conversation, she answered one or two words and then went back to silence. It was driving me crazy, and I wondered if she’d somehow found out about my embrace with Kristen. I was just about to tell her when she finally put down the plates and took my hands.

“They want to have sex with us.”

I couldn’t process her words, at first. The first thought I had was, this was obviously not speculation. One, or both of them, had talked to her without me. That pissed me off.

“What happened?”

“Kristen and I had a long conversation tonight while you were hiding out in the backyard. She told me you were looking at her boobs and then she kind of made a little pass at you and you didn’t take it well.”

“Of course not,” I scoffed. “I love you. I’m married to you. God, damn it, Heather! Any other wife would be thrilled I didn’t take it well.”

“I am thrilled. But you want her, right?” Heather asked. “It’s okay, Jack. I do, too.”

“It’s not okay, and I really don’t appreciate her discussing this stuff with you. It feels like a major fucking betrayal.” I threw some dishes into the washer, too angry and hurt to make sense of her words until a few moments later. I stood up fast and regarded my wife. “‘Too’? You want her, too?”

Heather wrapped her body around me and kissed my chin. Then she nodded, looking petrified. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not…” I began to say, but the truth was I was mad.

“This is new to her, too. Maybe they both should have approached us, but they were nervous.”

“She didn’t act nervous. And David is in on this, too?” I crossed my hands behind my head and closed my eyes. “Fuck. This is seriously fucked.”

“I know.”

“We aren’t swingers, Heather.”

“I know. They aren’t swingers, either. They feel a connection with us and I feel the same way.”

“How can they feel a connection with us? They hardly know us! Or at least, me. Is this some ploy just to get to you? Because I really feel uncomfortable with this.”

“Okay, please stop freaking out! Yes, Kristen has the hots for you. That’s not a lie. Can’t you tell? Jesus, Jack…” her words were cut off when I slammed the washer door closed. Her voice hushed. “We don’t have to do anything. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. Please stop saying that.” I collapsed at the table and put my head in my hands. “I’m not proud of how I feel about Kristen, but that’s a part of marriage. Resisting temptation.”

“If you’re not okay with doing this, then I’m not, either.”

I looked at her. “But you want to do it. It keeps coming up.”

She braided a piece of her hair absently, a nervous gesture she could never hide. “At first, I thought I was drawn to them because they were so kind to me. I was hurting so badly after… after the baby died. I just didn’t think I would ever feel anything again. They became my friends. I could talk to them about my grief, about how much I wanted a child of my own. You wanted to talk about our loss, too, but it was different because I looked at you and just saw what our baby could have looked like.” She wiped some tears away with frustration. “Every time I looked at you, it hurt. God, it hurt. But I could talk about it with them and still somehow breathe while doing that. Can you understand that?” She sniffled and looked away. “Then, one night I saw Kristen naked. We were going to take a swim in her pool after one of the meetings. Everyone had left; even David was out. And I took a look at her and was just struck by how hot her body was, and how warped it was that I was thinking that about this nice lady who welcomed me into her home as a friend. After seeing that, though, I couldn’t get it out of my head. Every time I saw Kristen and David kiss, or touch each other thoughtlessly… I don’t know, baby, I couldn’t help it. Kristen and I bonded because we felt the same loss and understood each other in ways that others can’t.” She began sobbing and I was frozen. “I never did anything with them, I don’t want you thinking that! This isn’t some conspiracy! And I meant what I said about not wanting to do this without you. It’s just that they have come to mean so much to me and it’s getting harder and harder to ignore. When she brought up the possibility, I’m not ashamed to say I considered it. But only if you were okay with it.”