Penny

Penny

Authors note:

This was an interesting, and challenging piece for me to do. Most of my works are usually pure fiction with perhaps a sprinkling of fact based on similar experiences, or people I've known thrown in. As many of us here at Lit sometimes find, we get emails or feedback from people who have read and appreciated our stories. Sometimes a friendship can come from this, or at the very least dialogue begins borne from someone's desire to see a particular story written, or an idea or fantasy shared.

This is a story about a very interesting lady, a woman who candidly told me how she went from having no sexual desires whatsoever, to blossoming into a sensual, open-minded, even sometimes kinky woman who explored her desires with the help of another individual who helped her discover who she truly was, and not what she'd become because of a horrible accident.

For obvious reasons I have changed the actual names of the people and places in this story to protect their identities. Most of what follows is what was described to me very often in candid, though explicit detail. I am not sure I have done justice to the emotion, fears, concerns, and eventual discovery and freedom for the woman who I now have come to know and believe to be a very special individual, all the while trying to tell her story within a story. But I tried.

This is her story.

#

Penny.

Penny was just sixteen years old when a horrible car accident caused her to lose both legs just above the knee. She had been a gymnast in school, had tried out and been accepted as a cheer-leader for the following year, with dreams and aspirations to perhaps further her gymnastics abilities in the very near future while attending college. All that came to a horrible and tragic end with the accident, along with Penny's self esteem and hopes for the future. Though she had always been considered attractive, good natured and outgoing, after the accident she withdrew into herself, no longer caring how she looked, felt or even behaved around friends and family who shared her pain, her loss, but who also unfortunately and sadly, distanced themselves from her over time, though she did much of that herself in pushing them away, preferring to look upon herself as a horribly disfigured woman who no man would ever want or love.

Seeing and believing herself in this way, sex was of course the last thing on her mind and something she found she had no desire to experience or share with anyone.

By the time she was thirty, Penny had learned of course to be self-sufficient, though she remained for the most part glued to her wheel chair. She'd made some effort at trying to walk again with the help of artificial limbs, but had eventually given up any hope or desire of accomplishing that, self-pity, frustration and anger winning out over any desire other than to spend the rest of her life in her chair. Her only real accomplishment was in buying one-half of a duplex that she soon after moved into that had room enough for her to move around in as well as easy access for exiting and entering. She learned to use a moveable step-stool ladder in her home in order to cook, store groceries, and try to live as normal a life as she could on her own, content to do so having long ago accepted the fact emotionally that she would in all likelihood never marry, never have kids, and since she'd also chosen to remain a virgin having never had any sort of intimate sexual relationship with anyone, short of the very rare instances when she would sometimes masturbate, though even those moments were far and few in-between.

Her one and only real friend was William, though he preferred being called "Will" over "Bill" as he'd informed her after they'd first met. Will owned the duplex that Penny was purchasing her half from. As such, he'd helped her move and get settled in to some extent, offering her help only when he knew she needed and wanted it, astute enough to not offer unless she actually asked. It was because of this perhaps that over time, she had actually begun to look forward to his visits with her, though he was twenty years older, divorced, with two teenage daughters she couldn't really stand whenever they came to visit their father, and not because they were bratty or obnoxious, but because they reminded her too much of herself back when she was their age, just before the accident.

And just like Will's daughters, she had once worn her naturally blond hair long, well past her shoulders. Now, she kept it short, cutting it herself as it too had become too much of a nuisance, too much of a burden, and too much of a reminder of her past. Penny had even seriously considered having a breast reduction, and though her boobs weren't overly large by any means, they were enough so that she thought herself even more top-heavy and grossly miss-proportioned whenever she looked at herself in the mirror, which she hardly ever did anyway, not liking what she saw there whenever she had.

It was on a particular very hot summer evening, Penny sat outside on the back shared Patio that Will had built. He was in the process of barbequing some chicken for them for dinner, Penny volunteering to make a nice green salad to go along with, watching Will as he cooked, enjoying the glass of wine he'd given her, though this was already her third, and she was already feeling it. Still, all in all she hadn't felt quite this much at peace with herself in quite some time, and Will had truly proven himself to be a good friend and neighbor, so she was very relaxed and comfortable around him. Perhaps it was because of that, along with the several glasses of wine that she'd consumed already, Penny found herself in one of her very rare, very infrequent moods when normal, natural desires and curiosities caused her to question Will intimately about his own personal life as they sat down to eat.

"Why is it that I never see you bring anyone home, or ever go out on the weekends?" she asked suddenly. "Except for when you're working, you're always here just like I am."

Will gave Penny a knowing look. "First of all, because I hate dating, especially at my age, and secondly, because every woman I've ever met has tried to make me into something I'm not."

Penny grinned in spite of herself, she knew exactly what that felt like. But it was the wine that had loosened her tongue as well as her curiosity. Had it not been for that, her next question might never have been asked. Will certainly was an attractive looking man, even she had to admit that to herself, but he was the first one she'd ever met and gotten to know whose world didn't seem to revolve around sex.

"Do you miss not being with a woman?" she began, continuing before Will had time to respond to that. "What I mean is, do you prefer being celibate?"

He laughed openly, almost a boyish kind of laughter as he nearly spilled wine on himself, barely setting his glass back down on the table before doing so. "Do I miss not being with a woman? Hell yes I do! I miss it every day, though I'll freely admit this to you, it's not my ex-wife that I miss. It was because of her that I met and actually fell in love with someone else who showed me what intimacy, love and adventure could really feel like. And it's not even her that I miss either, but that! And as far as being celibate goes, it's not by my choice that I am Penny, I've just not met, nor really tried to meet anyone else that could share with me the kind of passion and excitement that I'm talking about!"

Penny was surprised by his answer, as well as intrigued by it too. And though she was certainly naive when it came to just about everything of a sexual nature, she wasn't without feeling that every once in a while came on her like a plague until wrestling with her emotions, guilt and anxiety, she'd finally give into it and then masturbate like crazy for two or three days in a row before finally putting the beast back where it belonged for a while.

"How do you manage it then?" she heard herself asking, without realizing the response that might come from having done so.

"Probably the same as you, I jerk off a lot," he said truthfully, not seemingly embarrassed by that admission at all.

Penny felt her face reddening, and not from her own embarrassment either, but from his simple honest admission that immediately painted an image for her inside her head that she couldn't seem to shake off as she sat imagining it.

"I don't," she said softly, lying to Will as well as herself.

"Why not?" he shot back, catching her off guard. "You may have lost your legs, but you're certainly not paralyzed, hell Penny, as strange as this may sound, you could probably do more interesting things in bed than most men would ever dream of having a woman be able to do!"

For the briefest of moments, she didn't quite know what to think, or even how to respond to that, so she told him the Gods honest truth about herself in three simple words. "I'm a virgin."

Maybe his eyes registered some surprise by this revelation, though he didn't exactly pounce on it the way every other man she'd ever met had, which is one of the reasons she'd quit sharing that personal tid-bit about herself with anyone, until now.

"When you meet the right man," he said very seriously, "then you'll know when it's right for you. Just because you've chosen to remain a virgin up until now, doesn't mean you'll always be one either. Most important advice I could give you is, don't worry or keep thinking about it. When the time comes, it will. Until then, just keep being yourself."

Penny truly was amazed at what he'd just told her. Once again, every other man she'd ever known that she'd confided that personal little secret with had suddenly taken it upon themselves to voluntarily offer her their services, as though they'd be doing her a big favor in having done so. Will hadn't, if anything, he'd all but told her to stay one until she felt doing otherwise. Which in a sense, she had been, though she'd also resigned herself to remaining a virgin the rest of her life too.

She didn't know why, even later afterwards as she thought about it, why she would share even more intimate personal thoughts with him, but she did. It was as though she was offering Will the key to her most private place, daring him to take it, open it, and discover what was inside, though she really didn't know herself what could be found there, only that there was a nagging, burning desire that had been a part of her for as long as she could remember. "The beast" as she called it and thought about it, the "monster" that she was constantly having to find a way to appease before she could make it go away again, and this...was becoming harder and harder for her to do every time she'd fought with it.

"It's not that simple," she began actually feeling comfortable in telling him all this. "It's not like I want to remain a virgin, just never met or found anyone who could accept me for me in that way. I keep feeling like I'd be some sort of conquest, or looked upon like a freak-show exhibit that promises to know the secret sexual abilities of the universe or something. And I don't, sure...I understand the basics, I'm not stupid either, but beyond that, I don't know a damn thing, and to be honest with you about it Will, that scares the hell out of me!"

Will sat back in his chair looking at her, neither smiling, nor frowning, and certainly not judging. "What do you want to know? To learn?" he asked simply, just as seriously.

She laughed at that, feeling her defenses rising up once again, even though her fifth glass of wine kept liquefying the foundation so that it kept tumbling down around her rather than continuing to stand as it had in the past.

"What? You're offering to teach me all about sex?" she asked laughing, trying to use humor to mask her real feelings which she knew to be the beast inside her having perked it's ears up at hearing this.

"Only as much as you're in the mood to want to know, nothing more...nothing less, everything at your pace and speed. But yes, if you want to put it that way, I'll teach you as much, or as little as you really want to know, it would be entirely up to you."

She tried laughing his answer off again, but his expression remained, as well as his silence as he sat waiting on her, waiting for her to actually think about it, to decide for herself what it was she truly wanted to know about herself, had always wanted to discover, but been too afraid to find out.

"So, sort of like sex for dummies?" she'd thrown out, again hiding her sudden fear and anxiety in humor as she goaded him into turning this into some sort of joke as well.

"You're not dumb," he told her, an edge to his tone of voice she'd not heard before, though he didn't press it any further with her, just letting that simple statement settle in. "And like I said, as little as you want to know, or even care to," he added. "But it's entirely up to you."

Will stood at that moment and turned heading back into the house. Penny thought for a moment that she might have actually offended him, made him angry with her, and she was surprised to feel that this was the last thing she'd ever wanted to do, probably for the first time in her life for that matter.

"Where're you going?" she asked worriedly, not wanting this evening, nor this conversation to end quite yet.

"We're out of wine," he told her finally smiling. "But I think you've had more than enough of it already," he added. "So I'm going to put on a pot of coffee, after that, you can tell me what you'd like to talk about first, and we'll take it from there."

#

Penny sat while Will went inside to make them some coffee, thinking about what'd he'd told her, trying to find some hidden reasoning behind his intentions, the struggle one she'd often had with herself before, though finding this one entirely different. She'd certainly been aroused before too, but as with that, she fought against it, convincing herself that it was a disgusting abnormal urge and desire to have until succumbing to it, giving in to it, then hating herself for many days afterwards. As she sat there, she couldn't help but think that this is how that would end too, hating herself the next day, but accepting that it was already too late to do anything about it now. She was aroused, curiously aroused, and the beast had been set free.

"So? Thought about what I said?" Will asked when he came back outside carrying two cups of freshly brewed coffee with him, setting one down in front of her, then taking his seat.

Penny was tempted to use humor on him once again, but found the beast wasn't feeling too funny at the moment, and now very much in charge of her thoughts and emotions. "You really were serious then?" she asked not at all smiling when she said it. "As slow as I want, I can ask you whatever I want to, and you won't try and push anything any further than that."

Will just looked at her without speaking, giving her a subtle nod of the head instead.

"Hmm, where to begin?" she asked smiling, not really joking now, but wanting desperately to see the smile return to his face, making this less serious than she herself was now making it. And then he did smile.

"Why not begin with what you know? Or don't know about whatever it is you'd first like to know," he told her.

"Like what?" she said allowing him to turn the key she'd actually given him in the lock, the door slowly opening.

"Why don't we start with masturbation?" he asked.

Hearing that, she did laugh, but it was a nervous laugh too. "I already know how to do that!" she told him.

"Do you?"

His simple question paralyzed her momentarily, she found herself tongue-tied and unable to speak as words failed to say what she was honestly feeling in trying to just as honestly answer that.

"Let me ask you something," he said giving her a reprieve which she found herself greatly appreciating for the moment.

"Ok, shoot!"

"First off, the rules."

"Rules?"

"Yeah, rules. Number one, honesty. No bull-shit. Tell me how you feel, or don't feel about something if I ask. And likewise, if you ask me about something, then expect an honest and totally candid answer in response, don't shy away from what I say, or in what words I use to say it. If you do, then this isn't going to work, and it ends right then and there. Understood?"

"Ok, what other rules?"

"Actually, just that one, let's keep it simple for now. Let's just agree to be totally and completely honest with one another from the very beginning. After that, if we think we need more rules, we'll discuss them. How's that sound?"

"Fine with me," Penny said meaning it, though she wondered if she would actually be as truthful with him as he was expecting her to. She'd never been so with anyone else before, so she wondered if she even could be now though she'd promised that she would be.

"I mean it Penny," Will said as though he'd seen the hesitation in her eyes. "If you can't be, or don't want to be, then this discussion ends, or any other future discussions for that matter too!" he said once again letting her hear the edge in his tone of voice as he spoke to her.

"Ok, so what was it you wanted to ask me about masturbation?" she asked letting him know that she was a least willing to try by reinitiating the subject.

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Enjoy it?" She said aloud, though inside she was already trying to find some way to evade, or dance around the honest answer. Looking into his eyes before she spoke however, she realized she couldn't, not if this really was to continue the way she now realized she wanted it to, she couldn't. "If you mean do I feel pleasure? Then yes, in a way I do I guess, while I'm doing it. But most of the times afterwards, I'm disgusted by it, disgusted that I did, or that I even had an orgasm, if an orgasm is even what it is that I feel afterwards or during," she added as honestly as she felt she could try and explain to him under the circumstances. By the look in his eyes however, he seemed to know and completely understand what she'd meant.

"You said you were a virgin, but have you ever had any intimate personal experiences with another person? Man or woman?" he asked.

She again laughed, a nervous laugh perhaps that told him she would answer him rather than hide or attempt to hide the truth. "Sure, I went through the normal curious phase of wondering, exploring, once with a boy my age, and even once with a woman I met a few years after the accident when I thought perhaps I really did hate men and was now secretly a lesbian or something. But the truth of the matter is, I've never even seen a man's penis before, a boy's dick yes, but not a man's!"

"Hard or soft?" he asked her.

"What?"

"Hard or soft? How would you like to see it?" he pressed.

She thought about it, "Both I guess...yes, both!" Will made no movement however, though she was sort of expecting it. She waited until she couldn't wait any more. "Well? You going to show me or not?"

"Was waiting for you to ask me," he said turning it back on her. "I'm not going to assume anything, and neither should you. If you truly want to see or do something, then you have to tell me."

"Rule number two?"

"Rule number two," he grinned as he stood and began removing his pants.

Once he had done so, he stood in front of her, fully exposed, though she couldn't honestly say if he was fully soft, certainly not hard, but more importantly she looked, and found fascination with it in looking, seeing really for the very first time. "OK, now make it hard...please?" she added looking up into his eyes.

Will stroked it briefly, coaxing himself into firmness, and then released it allowing it to stand of its own accord.

"Goodness!"

"What?"

"It looks totally different!" she exclaimed, actually surprised by it.