Senior Year Memories Ch. 38

"So..." I replied, really hoping that she would get the ball rolling so I'd know how this was supposed to go.

Luckily, she did.

Tori took a breath, and said, "So... I owe you an apology."

"No, you don't," I shot back, quickly.

"Yes, I do, and before you try to get all noble and apologetic yourself, just let me say this?" she asked.

Gulping, I said, "Sure."

Tori continued, "Look, I'm not gonna apologize for how I felt at the time, because finding out what you did, the way I did... it was a pretty fucking huge surprise, and I don't think anyone could have fully wrapped their head around that on such short notice. I know I could have chosen my words a lot better, thought things through at a later time and then tried to talk this out with you like a fucking adult, but I'm not going to apologize for how I felt at the time. I mean, if you caught me fucking your dad, that would've messed you the fuck up for a while, right?"

"Yeah," I admitted, knowing that I probably wouldn't have handled things the best if I had that sprung on me.

"Cool..." she said, taking a breath. "What I will apologize for, however, was how I handled everything around that... everything before, everything after..."

Tori watched as April went up to bat. She called out, "YOU GOT THIS, BABE!"

Looking back toward us and smiling more brilliantly than I'd ever seen her smile before, April blew a kiss at Tori before focusing on the pitch.

"You guys are cute together," I admitted.

"I know," Tori said. "But... we can talk about that later; I'd kind of like to get off my chest what needs getting off... and don't you dare make a dirty joke, or so help me I actually might go out and fuck your dad."

Tori's smirk brought to mind the kind of joking we used to do with each other, and it almost felt familiarly comforting.

"You would, wouldn't you," I said.

"If you gave me no other choice..." she said, grinning with good humor.

"Then I wouldn't dream of it," I replied.

"Good," she sighed, pushing hair behind her ear as she tried to get back on track. "Once I cooled off after everything Thanksgiving, I did a lot of soul-searching. A lot of looking at myself, and my family... trying to understand how all of this had happened, and why I'd responded the way I had, and a lot of that came from simply not knowing all the facts of what was going on around me at the time."

Tori closed her eyes and took a breath. This was broken by the sharp crack of April hitting the ball, hard, sending it sailing a distance that sent Izzy scrambling after it. Energetic as she was, she'd be chasing April's hit for a while.

"Hell yeah!" Tori exclaimed, jumping to her feet and clapping. "Kick their fucking asses, April!"

Sitting down and looking at me, she said, "She's gonna kick their asses. Everyone thinks she looks so fucking small, but that girl plays tuba in the marching band. She's got muscles."

"I can tell," I said.

Nodding softly, Tori looked briefly to the field, watching as April cleared the way to home, before continuing. "When I first found out that you'd slept with my mom... and Rachel... it felt like you were doing it as some form of revenge. Because of me and April, and how I kept that secret. And... and that was hard. That hurt. That really fucking hurt."

"It wasn't... not, not entirely..." I explained, not wanting to say this, but knowing that I had to. "It was barely that, but there was probably some of that somewhere in the stupid as shit way I was acting at the time. I was in a bad place for a lot of reasons, and I don't think I exercised the best judgment, when it came to, well, anything, and there was probably some stupid revenge in it, but it was barely there, I fucking swear."

"I get it. Stupid, impulsive decisions because you wanna hurt someone who you think did you wrong, believe me, I fucking get it," Tori said. "And there was all the shit I was blind to, stuff I *chose* to be blind to, that didn't make anything better. Dad and me, we were always so close... I couldn't believe that he could've been cheating on Mom like that. I just couldn't, and I put my anger at you, and at her, when I should've put it on him. I understand that now, and I've let Dad know my feelings ... and if you made Mom happy, even for a little while, I guess I should be thanking you. It's still fucking bizarre when I try to think about it, actually I'd rather not think of it, but if you made her happy, I don't want to hold that against you. Not anymore."

"Thanks," I said, keeping myself level and cautious.

Nodding softly, Tori continued, "I think the really shitty part was you with Rachel. I don't have to explain the shit we went through, because you were fucking there. You grew up dealing with Rachel's shit. I spent so long fucking hating her, and I thought you did too, and to see the two of you together, it broke something in me, I think. I know I overreacted, but it still fucking hurt."

I explained, "I told you I was in a bad place for a lot of reasons... and one of them was I was feeling kind of isolated in the world. I was getting laid, sure, but I didn't feel like I had any real, close friends at the time... and Rachel was there for me. She was trying to make things right, she was willing to be my friend, and we got close. Really close. I'm not blaming you. You were in a new relationship, and those take up a ton of time. Rachel and me just kinda... happened."

"I know," Tori said, looking away from me. "Rachel's explained it to me."

"You're talking?" I asked. I knew Rachel was hopeful for open communication with Tori, but I didn't know how successful it was.

"Attempts have been made. You're not the only one handing out olive branches these days... Rachel's really trying. And I'm listening. I don't want to, sometimes, but for everyone, I'm trying. I think we're making progress. A little at a time. We won't ever be best friends, but I think I can see a future where we aren't enemies. At the rate she's been apologizing for all the shit she put us through, I think that future's pretty much a certainty. I don't know when it'll happen... but I think it will. I think that'll be nice," Tori said.

Peace in the McNeil household. That would be a wonderful, and miraculous, thing by my eye. It may still be in an uncertain future, but with the future creeping up on us ever quickly as time went by, I was willing to accept it.

Nervous for what needed to be asked next, I hesitated for a while after what she'd said before replying, "So, what about us?"

"I don't know. What do you want us to be?" Tori asked.

"Honestly... I'd like for us to be friends again. I've... I've missed you," I said.

"I've missed you too," she replied, her voice quiet as she looked down at the bleachers.

"I'm also aware that things can never be the same as they were... well, ever. Back to what they were when we were... sometimes *together*, or the same kind of friends we were before this year. If we can build a friendship on what we used to have, while understanding that we're also building something new... I'd like that," I said.

My idea hung in the air, silent and heavy. My heart beat mercilessly, drowning out the game, the creaking of the bleachers, everything. Never before had I wanted a silence pierced so quickly, and never had it seemed to stretch so brutally into infinity.

"I'd like that too," Tori said quietly, looking up at me with big, hopeful eyes that brimmed with tears.

My heart might have skipped a beat, but as soon as her words registered, I asked, "Friends?"

Nodding, and now with tears freely rolling down her cheeks, Tori said, "Friends."

I'm not sure which of us broke first, but soon we were charging at each other, arms wrapped around each other in a tearful hug. I'm not sure which of us shed more tears then, her or me, but it didn't matter.

Tori and I were rebuilding our friendship. All felt thoroughly right with the world again.

A girl's voice cheered from the field as a bat pounded on the chain link of the backstop. "It's about damn time!"

Tori and I turned to see her girlfriend, April Martel, cheering us on, flashing a thumb's up and beating on the fence while a few other girls looked on in some amusement. Nadia and Nica sure as hell looked satisfied, Izzy was cheering, and even Sabrina seemed to be laughing about what had developed.

"We have an audience," I said, before joking. "Wanna give them something to watch?

Tori rocked her head from side to side, considering. "I'm down, but I should warn you... while April is completely on board with this, we're trying an exclusive thing for now, so, you and I won't be having sex anytime soon."

That was more than I was expecting. I was just joking about this being anything more than a hug, but that Tori had talked about this with her girlfriend and might have been cool with more?

Surprised, I said, "That's fine."

"She has said that making out and some hand stuff is okay, though, if I tell her about it," she explained, leaning back to look at me with mischief in her eye.

That... well, that was more than I expected, honestly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Tori replied, leaning in and kissing me. It was a quick, fiery kiss, passionate even in its briefness, but when we parted... I was floating. Tori looked back at me with a goofy look in her eyes, her lips curling into a broad smile.

With those warm, soft lips against mine, I had to agree with her. Fuck it. We were friends again, and all was well.

***

Honestly, after months of estrangement and misery, how do you follow this kind of reconciliation? I could've ended the day here and been a happy man, but that wasn't how things worked in life, and certainly not in this story at Regan Hills High School.

Tori and I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in the stands, watching the impressively chaotic game that was Nerd Baseball. There weren't sides to speak of, just everyone switching in and out to periodically bat, and run, and argue with one another. Sometimes good-naturedly, sometimes not when blood got high from the competition. It felt natural to be sitting with Tori again, cheering on friends and making sarcastic jokes about what was going down. There were still some barriers between us, still some sense of comfort and understanding that needed to be rebuilt after a lot of the confusion these last few months had brought, but the longer we spent together, the more these obstacles collapsed.

Reconnecting was a process, but we were well on our way.

By nightfall, the game was more than clearly over, with all the girls going their separate ways. I would have liked to spend more time with Tori, talking and reconnecting, but with the game over and April now free, I thought it best to make a graceful exit for the evening. Tori and I, we had a lot to say and do still, and even though she and April offered to take me out to dinner afterward, I politely declined.

I wasn't going to be a third wheel, not when things were going this well to start with.

By all rights, I should have contacted Josie and Brooke, told them what was up, or maybe even just gone home, but I didn't. I had a lot to think about and consider, and so I found myself walking around school, or at least the parts of it that weren't locked up by this point. Mostly this meant I was walking around the football field and the track surrounding it, looking up at the night sky and, well, thinking.

Thinking about life. Thinking about the future.

These were things that once I had taken for granted, assuming that I knew what was going to happen, where everything was going to go, and not really thinking too hard about it. With Tori back in the picture, and things going better than ever for me... well, it started making the future look like something I actually needed to put some care into. I mean... shit, I was graduating in a few months! I had to think about college, maybe fill out that application Dad had gotten me to the nearby community college, but beyond that... I had to get a job, maybe find a place... was I going to move in with Josie and Brooke? Would I have to figure out something else?

Questions... fuck, I had a lot of them. Some of the potential answers were frightening, some of them were fascinating.

My life was ahead of me, but right now, that didn't seem like such a bad thing.

I stood on the center of the darkened football field, looking up into the sky. Though there was definite light pollution from the areas surrounding the school, in this single spot, I could look up at the early night sky and see stars. Fascinated and loving the view, I first sat down, then lay on the grass, staring up at the night sky.

"Star-watching?" a girl asked me, her footsteps crunching across the grass.

I was slightly surprised by her presence, but not enough to stop looking at the sky. I answered, "In a way. I'm enjoying how small the universe is making me feel right now; it kind of makes it feel like all the decisions I've got in front of me really aren't so big, and that I shouldn't be worrying about them so much."

"Huh," she said, considering for a moment. "Can I feel small with you?"

I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look at 18-year-old Sabrina Singh, who from this angle looked even more imposing than usual. The 5'9" Indian-American stunner had a body that was a mix of impressively athletic and utterly feminine, with a lean, long-legged frame that held impressively large breasts and an ass to match. This was further accentuated by her tight, athletic pants, and the tight blue t-shirt that showed off her impressive midriff, adorned with a shiny belly button piercing. She looked at once delicate and powerful, with the softest-looking brown skin and big, dark eyes that were every bit as sharp as they were soulful. Her pouty lips were curved into an amused grin that utterly lit up her already stunning face. Her hair, dark as night and shimmering like the stars, was tied in a customary, single long braid that she had pulled over her shoulder so that she could idly toy with it with her fingers.

An overachiever of the highest order, I was used to seeing her more tired than anything else as senior year wore on, but now she looked positively pleased and playful. No doubt this came from her success on the field, but I found myself liking the look on her.

Though Sabrina and I hadn't exchanged much in the way of words outside of occasional exchanges in classes, I said, "Sure, pull up some grass."

Sighing contentedly, Sabrina sat down beside me and said, "Thanks."

"Hey, it's a free field. Enjoy feeling small... and now that I'm saying it out loud, I realize that sounded funnier and much less condescending in my head," I replied.

She laughed, a high, pleasant sound. "You're fine. I won't make feeling small an everyday sort of thing... I like being as big as I am, thanks... but a change in pace has its place periodically."

I had to avoid looking at her tits when she said this, something I think Sabrina might have caught, but if she did, she didn't say anything about it. I lay back down on the ground, staring at the sky.

"It is a lovely view, I must say..." Sabrina said, lying down near me. "Not quite as clear a sky as you'd see out in the country, but, we must take the minuses with the pluses of where we live."

It was hard not to notice that we were close to each other without being too close to each other, and as it was with a lot of girls these days, it was definitely hard not to have some kind of reaction to Sabrina's presence. It took a while like this, thinking of where I should take a conversation with a girl I barely knew, but something did soon come to mind.

"I should thank you for something," I said.

"Oh?" Sabrina asked.

Sounding dramatic, I said, "The future."

She waited a moment to reply, as I must have taken her off guard. "Your future is your own; I have no part in that."

"No, but you got me thinking about it... the other day, in the hall? You said it was never too early to start planning for the future, and it's been hard to shake that thought. I haven't made my plans yet, but I'm thinking about them more than before... what's going to happen, what I want out of it. Like today... things with Tori and me have been weird for a while now, but realizing that I wanted a future with her in it, I started the ball rolling on rekindling our friendship. It was probably going to happen sooner or later, but when you started that itch thinking about the future in the back of my mind, that made it sooner, I think. So, that I have to blame you for," I said.

Sabrina answered me, "Anyone whose eyes I can open so they don't make preventable mistakes is a victory to me, and if that led you to fix mistakes that had already been made? So much the better."

I nodded, grateful for her but knowing where I had to take this conversation next. "But since you're someone who's always looking toward the future, I find myself in a place where I gotta ask... why'd you come looking for me tonight? We haven't spoken more than... well, this, in the four years we've gone to this school, I think, and I was just curious, why now? I don't really know you, and it caught me by surprise."

It seemed like, in my surprise, I'd taken Sabrina off guard. "I was hoping you weren't going to take that angle of questioning so quickly."

"But you are prepared for it?" I suggested, knowing enough of Sabrina's reputation to understand she was one who believed firmly in having all contingencies accounted for.

"Of course I am, it's just putting me in a position where I'm going to have to be franker than I usually am, and it gives me little room to dance around with my words. I had practiced all sorts of scenarios where I'd approach you, make considerably more small talk and charm myself into your good graces before getting down to brass tacks, but you have decided instead to get straight to the point. So, for forcing me to be plain instead of a politician about this, I blame you," Sabrina said, looking coyly mischievous.

"I accept that blame," I said.

She took a nervous breath. "I have not had as much fun this year as I would have liked. I have had some, mostly from frantic desperation and the odd impulsive choice, and I do have friends, mostly among the girls on the field today, but I have not had as much *fun* as I would have liked. I tell myself, frequently, that fun is not what it's all about, that life is not a teen movie and senior year is to prepare ourselves for the rest of our lives... that any other diversions are, quite frankly, unnecessary. Of course, I also know that is not how the human mind works, and if I go at this speed at all times without any release for joy, I know I will break down and go completely mad."

"You call this getting down to brass tacks?" I joked.

"A fair criticism, but I assure you that I have nearly reached my point, and that all my other approaches would have been considerably wordier," Sabrina said in a fairly reassuring tone.

"Good to know," I said. "Continue, then."

"Good..." she replied. "Good... If I haven't made it clear yet, fun doesn't come easily to me. It can't. I'm part of student government, fifteen separate clubs, three separate volunteer organizations in addition to my part-time job, honors societies both state and national, scored just shy of perfect on my SAT's all while maintaining a 4.0 GPA and keeping a household together while my mother works two jobs to support my little sister and I."

"Sounds like you've got a helluva lot on your plate," I said, finding my complaints about juggling all the girls in my life on top of extracurriculars to suddenly sound very, very miniscule in comparison.

"You have no idea. Contrary to what might be popular belief, I actually *like* fun, and do want to have it, but opportunities are few and far between. Nerd Baseball was an excellent opportunity for some of that, but with the rest of my evening blocked off in anticipation of the event, I was hopeful to have some *more* fun," Sabrina said, turning on her side to look at me. The look in her eyes was positively seductive, her grin pleasantly playful, and behind her tight t-shirt (and what had to be one of the world's strongest sports bras), seeing her large tits, one on top of the other, was certainly an image that got my interest.