The Girl Who Wasn't There Ch. 03

Calling her name softly I walk over to her as she lowers her arms. Sitting on the table I wait for her breathing to calm and I ESM project feelings of peace and contentment. Eventually she looks up at me and I gently brush the hair away from her face. "You can stop people from seeing you, can't you Freja? That's what happened with that driver; you tried to hide from the car monster and the driver couldn't see you!"

Fear clouds her face but she nods hesitantly. "Aye, 'tis true, though I did nae understand that at the time."

"Freja, that's amazing!" I tell her. "I've never heard of anything like it. When did you realize what you could do?"

"There was nay one thing exactly. At first I thought it was because I was good at hiding from bullies and the like because I was small and sneaky. I did nay always get away, ye ken, and I got my share o' welts and bruises.

"But one day after school, I must ha'e been about 14, I took a shortcut home because it was raining. I cut down an alley, but halfway down I heard voices. It was, well their names are nay matter, but I knew I'd be in for a kicking if they caught me. Trouble was there was naewhere to hide. All I could do was put my back against a wall and hope the rain would discourage them from anything too brutal. I remember closing my eyes thinking 'I'm nay here, I'm nay here!", but I knew I was. But they just walked past me, they were as near as you are now, but they walked past! I could nay believe it!"

"So is that when you knew you had this gift?" I ask.

"Not exactly, but from then I knew I could do something. I still dunna know what it is I do, exactly, but..." And suddenly I am wondering where Freja went and when exactly she left. I look around: I am on my own.

I shriek and almost have a heart attack as someone takes my hand and I see Freya there once again.

"Wow!" was all I could say as I looked into her face which was smiling happily. I found myself staring into her eyes. I realised what I was doing with horror: I was supposed to be interviewing her not falling for her, however cute and no matter how much she made me want to hug and protect her! "That was an incredible demonstration, Freja. Thank you but, please, stop disappearing from me!"

"I don't think I need to be afeared of you, Ginny. You're kind, like Wanda, and I feel safe with you." She is crying.

"What is it?" I ask anxiously.

"I have nay felt so safe for a long time."

I smile, pleased that she trusts me. "Look, I think we've covered enough for a first interview. Do you want to come and get a tea or coffee? Are you hungry?"

"I'm starving!" she replies.

"Good, I am too. We'll go to the canteen and get dinner," I glance down at my coffee stained jeans, "but I'll need to go and change first. I can show you your room at the same time, it's next to mine. We have four rooms where research subjects can stay." I lead the way.

She looks at me, confused. "You're nay a subject; you're a researcher aren't ye?"

I laugh. "I'm both, actually. Doctor Tanya let me stay in one of the rooms when I started my post grad work as long I continue to take part as a subject. I couldn't have afforded to take the Masters, or now to work on my PhD, otherwise." As we walk I tell her about my 'witchy power.'

"So, do ye use that power on people?" she asks, frowning.

"Yes, sometimes, but I've never done it to hurt someone, though if I'd been bullied like you, I might have." I admit.

"Did ye use it on me? Back there?" she gestures back along the corridor and the interview room.

"Yes, but..." she opens her mouth to say something but I talk over her, determined to explain before she can object, "I only used it to try and make you feel calmer: at the start and when I scared you by shouting or when you were afraid that you were locked in the room. I just projected feelings of calm and safety. As I said, it can be hard work and doesn't always work as well as I'd like."

"So, ye're no' making me trust you, making me like you?"

"No, I swear! Even if I could, what would be the point? I want you to trust and like me because, well, I'm a likeable, trustworthy person. At least, I hope I am, anyway." I smile at her. "I like you," I add. Her cheeks redden slightly and she dips her head, hiding behind her hair. I override my protective instinct to try to calm her or cheer her.

"Look, perhaps I can show you later; I still owe you for scaring the life out of me earlier!" She looks up, a small grin on her face. "Anyway, here is your room." She tries the door, which is locked.

"Have ye the key?" she asks.

"Um, no," I confess, "I assumed Wanda gave you one. Never mind, we can still get in. Follow me." I lead her to the next door down, my room, where I unlock the door. "Come in," I tell her as I enter and go to the bathroom door on the right, which I open. I lead the way through the second door in the bathroom into her room where a small, old and worn rucksack lies on the bed; it doesn't look very full. On the desk by the window is the room key, sporting one of those inconveniently large plastic key fobs with the room number engraved on it. She looks surprised that we're in her room.

"It's a shared bathroom," I explain as I hand her the key. "We normally use one of the rooms opposite for our guests but the bathroom there has a problem with the plumbing, so here you are. Don't worry; both doors can be locked from each side, so you can keep me out of your room and out of the bathroom when you're using it. Just don't forget to unlock my door once you've finished."

She nods and walks over to the bed, picking up her rucksack.

"There's hanging space and draws in the wardrobe there if you want to put your clothes away."

She gives a short "Ha!" and upends the rucksack. A couple of tee shirts, some panties, socks and a pair of jeans, even more worn than those she has on, tumble onto the bed. A shake of the rucksack and a toothbrush falls out, leaving it empty. "That should nay take long!" I don't quite know what to say to this but my protectiveness goes into overdrive.

"I, er, better go and change," I tell her.

In my room I kick off my shoes and strip my still damp jeans from my legs. In the wardrobe I pull out a clean pair of jeans and throw them on my bed. I start rummaging, wondering if there's anything Freja can use. The answer, of course, is not much: she is just so much smaller than me. However, I do find a couple of longish tee shirts, one dark green, the other black, which should be at least mini-dresses on her. I also find an Arran sweater, one that I managed to shrink the first time I washed it, and it looks about the right size for her.

"Freja," I call, pleased with my finds, and she comes through the bathroom. She sees me without my jeans on and turns away immediately. "Oh, sorry!" I apologise, "I didn't mean to embarrass you. I just wanted to see if these were any good to you as you didn't get to bring many clothes." I hold out the items. I'm pleased that I managed to make the offer without suggesting that her rucksack contained all the clothes she possesses, something that I suspect might be the case.

She is hesitant but decides to accept. I hold up the green tee. "You might be able to wear this as a short dress, if you like," I suggest. "The green would go nicely with your hair." She holds the shirt against her body; it would be a very short dress! She thanks me as I try not to imagine how stunningly sexy she'd look in it, the little glimpse of her arse as the hem lifts when she bends... I swallow hard. "Maybe over some leggings if you're going out of your room wearing that," I advise, hoping my face isn't as red as it feels. "There's a black one too, and this," as I hand her the Arran. She takes it: it is soft and very warm.

"Thank you, Ginny, ye're very kind. Can I try it on?" she asks.

"Of course." She pulls off the hoodie she's wearing, treating me to a glimpse of her flat stomach and belly button as the shirt beneath rides up, which does nothing to dampen my excitement. Just the opposite, in fact, as I become aware of a definite wetness in my panties; I need to get a grip on my thoughts and stop this. I also need to get my jeans on before Freja notices the state I'm in. Before I can move, however, her hoodie is off and the sweater slips over her head in its place. Once it's on I can see it fits her well, just a little long in the arms. She smiles happily.

"Och, Ginny, thank you. This is lovely!" She pauses and then comes and kisses me on the cheek. She laughs, "Ye've gone all red again!"

"I'm glad you like it and the dresses. Just remember about the leggings with the dresses."

She picks up her hoodie and the tee shirt dresses and heads back to her room. I turn to get my jeans but just as she enters the bathroom she calls me and I look over my shoulder at her. "Ye've nice legs. I can see why ye don't mind showing them off," and she skips into her room as I stare after her, open mouthed. As I pull my jeans on I wonder which version of Freja I'm going to find harder to behave properly with: shy, vulnerable Freja, or the mischievous, playful Freja that I've had a few glimpses of.

Once clothed again, I call, "Anyone ready for dinner?"

"Och aye!" comes her reply and she hurries from her room to me. "What?" she asks as she sees me grinning.

"I didn't know Scots actually said 'och aye'" I tell her and she sticks her tongue out at me.

"Aye, well, we do! Can we get some food now, please?"

We head to the canteen across the campus. This time of year the light is already fading and, despite the cold wind, the end of lectures means there are plenty of students and staff about, which I can see makes Freja nervous. I try to project a feeling of being protected and safe, which seems to help. She certainly looks less like a terrified mouse and looks around more in interest than fear. Once in the canteen we choose our food, which I charge to my staff card, and we find us a table in a secluded corner. Freja tackles a large plate of sausages, mashed potatoes and baked beans whilst I opt for lasagne. After a few minutes of determined eating she reminds me of my promise to tell her more about my ability.

"What do you want to know about my witchy power?" I ask.

She smiles. "Okay, what feelings have ye managed to make people feel?"

"Happiness and also sadness, I started doing those when I was a child. I didn't know I was doing it then; I just wanted to make people happy and they were! Or if I resented them being happy when I was down, they'd get sad. You know how selfish children can be. Mum's death was a bad time to be around me. Feelings of calm and peace you know about. In experiments here I also managed anger and fear. I made a friend at school feel cold on a hot day, just to prove my ability was real."

"What about love?" she asks.

I can't help smiling. "I wish I had a pound for every time I get asked that one!" I reply, not sure how to answer. "Well, I think it might be possible to make someone feel affectionate but not to a specific person. But what is love? What do you actually feel when you say you are 'in love'?" I shift uncomfortably, hoping she'll be satisfied with that answer.

"Well, what about physical attraction? You know fancying them? Wanting... sex?" I can't help the colour rising in my cheeks and Freja smiles. "Come on, what is it?"

I take a deep breath. "Yes, that's possible," I admit.

"Really? And ye did something like that tae someone?"

"I, er, have made two people kiss me," I confess, my cheeks burning. Why am I so embarrassed admitting this to her? "Both times it was to prove my ability. The first time was my best friend at school and she, quite literally, never spoke to me again. The second was the guy who first interviewed me as part of this research project."

An unexpected look of worry crosses her face. "Ye, ye have nay done that to me have you?"

I am offended by the suggestion that I would do such a thing to her. "No, of course not! That would be wrong, inappropriate!" God, I sound like old school Doc Tanya, I think to myself. It's at that point my subconscious taps me on the shoulder and draws my attention to what she just said.

"Freja, should I ask why you thought that I might have made you want to kiss me?" Now it is her turn to blush. "Sorry, forget I asked that: it's probably 'inappropriate' even to think about it, as Doctor Tanya would no doubt tell me. Do you want some pudding?" I ask in a clumsy, but nonetheless effective, attempt to change the subject.

We both have the cheesecake, which is one of the few things the canteen does really well. We fall into chatting informally, finding out about each other. We both suffer from undue parental influence on our musical tastes, with her its 60s folk music, Bob Dylan and the like from her mother, and for me it's 1980s new wave and electro-pop (don't blame me, blame Dad!). She likes tea and loves hot chocolate but hates coffee. She read Harry Potter when she was younger, as I did, and I tease her that her ability would give Harry's invisibility cloak a run for its money. She tries to suggest spells similar to my ability but none really fit.

"You know," I say to her, "your ability and mine might be linked, be similar in some ways."

"How's that?"

"Well, you can make people not notice you, ignore you to the point they cannot see you. You're making them not think something while I can make people feel emotions and even sensations like cold and thirst. So there are similarities. Doctor T will want to consider it, I'm sure. She'll probably want us to try and learn from each other; she's done that before. I spent a month with a woman who could read the emotions in others, ESP we call it, and neither of us managed it. I still try sometimes but nada!"

"I've nay else tae do. I can stay as long as ye'll have me." I smile happily at that.

I'm trying to think of a way to find out more about her wanting to kiss me, without being too blunt or sounding too needy, when she asks "Ginny, have ye a boyfriend?"

"No," I reply. Normally I would add, 'and no girlfriend, either' but I don't want... what? To upset her? No, definitely not. To have her throw herself at me? Well, actually I'd love that but I know that would be wrong, not to mention unlikely. She's vulnerable and a long way from home and, most importantly, one of our study subjects. "No one at the moment but I've had a few over the years. Wanda despairs at my inability to establish a long-term relationship. What about you?" I ask. "Have you anyone special?"

"I've nay had many close friends. There was one, Chris, last year." Shit; a boyfriend. That'll teach me to get my hopes up too soon. "A family from America rented a cottage down the road for two months. The parents were into genealogy, ye know, tracing their Scottish ancestors, and Chris and I became friends and we kissed and... stuff." Her cheeks redden. "Anyway, it ended when the family all went back tae the States," she concludes with a note of sadness. She looks at me with a little smile, "I hope we can be friends."

"So do I," I reply sincerely, burying my disappointment. We've long finished eating and the canteen is closing. I offer to take her on a night tour of the campus but she yawns and I realize that this has been a long, emotional and tiring day for her. "Perhaps a daytime tour tomorrow would be better," I suggest.

"Aye. Can we go back to our room?" she yawns and I slap down hard on the image that 'our room' conjures up as we head back. She doesn't bother going to her door, but just follows me into my room and cuts through the bathroom. I tell her she's welcome to use whatever she needs: toothpaste, mouthwash, soap, shampoo, whatever. She nods and thanks me, closing the bathroom door. I hear her moving around, water running; I am unable to do anything but sit at my desk listening.

Then there is silence and I am just opening my laptop when the bathroom door opens revealing Freja in the green tee I gave her earlier. It works fine as a nightie but as I thought is too short as a dress, at least in polite company! Her hair is pushed back so she is no longer hiding behind it and it flows onto her shoulders. Her arms and legs are slim, the skin very pale, while the swells of her nicely rounded breasts are larger than I'd expected. The baggy hoodie and sweater had hidden them. Now they are emphasized by the fall of light across them from the nearby lamp. Looking at her like this I up grade her from 'seriously cute' to 'beautiful'.

"G'night, Ginny," she says. "Today was nay always easy but thank ye for looking after me."

"You're very welcome and it's been my pleasure. I'm glad we met. Sleep well, Freja." She turns to go. "Oh, Freja," I can't resist calling and she turns back, "You've nice legs, I can see why you don't mind showing them off!" She ducks her head shyly but there is a happy smile on her face as she heads off to her bed.

I'm tired but too wired and shaken up to sleep, so I try writing a few notes from the interview and emailing them to Tanya; she'll be impressed by my uncharacteristic efficiency in keeping her informed. I include some details of what Freja can do but, as I read them, I know she won't believe it until she sees it. I hit send and then sit there, trying to work out what's happening to me.

After some time, half an hour, an hour?, I open my diary app on the laptop, type my password and start trying to get my non-professional thoughts and emotions in order by writing them down:

FRIDAY 29 OCTOBER

A VERY confusing day. Is Freja the most amazing girl I've ever met? Quite possibly -- her ability is awesome! She is also the cutest and most beautiful. I feel so protective of her but then the next minute I want to kiss her and hold her and... more! I can't act on this though: not only is it unprofessional but she's probably straight and it could freak her out. Is she straight? She had a boyfriend but then she said she had the feeling of wanting to kiss me. It doesn't matter anyway. God, if I did anything and Tanya found out she would go ballistic! Jake was a close thing; sleeping with an interviewee would almost certainly get me thrown out!

I know I've never been slow at falling for people but my reaction to Freja must set a new speed record. I felt the attraction before she'd even spoken! Shit, I only met her 8 hours ago. But it's also different, scarily so. Being attracted to someone has never been quite so heart-achingly uncomfortable before.

Maybe it's Wanda getting through to me, or maybe I'm growing up, but I don't want to begin something fast and end just as quickly. And especially not with Freja; I feel I want to spend a LONG time with Freja. Maybe getting thrown out would be worth it. Wanda would piss herself laughing but I think that maybe I'm in love with this cute little Mouse who's so unb

I hear a little gasp to my left. I turn quickly, jumping as I find Freja right next to me, staring at the laptop screen. "What..?" I begin but Freja is already apologising.

"I'm sorry. I could nay sleep and just kept turning over. I got up tae get a drink from the bathroom and I could hear ye tap-tapping on yon computer and... I just wanted to see ye and then I wondered what you were writing so I had a wee look... and..." Her eyes are tear-filled and my heart wrenches at the sight. "Is, is that true?" she asks, pointing to the screen, "How ye feel?"

Now it's my turn to well up and my throat constricts painfully so all I can do is nod at first before finally managing to croak, "I'm sorry. Please believe me; I would never have done anything: when you said about your boyfriend..."

"Christine," she says quietly and I stare stupidly at her. "Chris was short for Christine. Mind, we never got beyond kissing and touching each other through clothes. She, well, she was nay sure but I was. And meeting you today..."