The Monster Within Ch. 03

She weakly leaned over to kiss me but failed miserably, "Come down here, stud. Give your lady a kiss!"

I happily obeyed.

***

I spent the rest of the time until lunch working with the pack while Beverly borrowed one of my cars to make good use of the banking card, I had given her. She filled up the food stocks and also bought a few decorative elements. She clearly intended to make herself at home here. That was fine with me.

***

After a light lunch we sat on the balcony drinking coffee. Beverly clearly wanted to discuss something, but seemed unsure of how to bring it up.

"Bev."

"Yes?"

"Could you please bring up whatever you want to talk about and stop fidgeting on that chair?"

She laughed, "If even you can see that something is bothering me, it's really bad, isn't it? Can we discuss our relationship?"

"Sure," I replied despite being anything but sure on that topic.

"Let's get the big one out first. Are we a couple?"

"Sort of? I do enjoy and take comfort from your presence. I'm glad we got some things sorted out but, to be honest, I don't think that I can really commit for the long term. I have too much baggage that I'm still carrying with me. I have no idea of what will come out of meeting Doctor Fish. I don't want to promise something I cannot follow up later."

"That's ok. I can live with that. We just take it day by day. That also makes us exclusive, right?"

"That is a really stupid question. I haven't slept with a woman for the last four years and in my entire life I've had sex with two women and you are one of those two. I'm not the type of man who enjoys a meaningless quickie with a stranger. And a short term couple is still a couple. So if you are in on it, long term couple or not, let's agree that we are exclusive."

"Deal."

"Any boundaries and limits you wish to talk about?"

"Yes, what about phantasies? Anything you've seen online that you want to try in real life? Anything that would be totally off limits?"

"Well, there was one fantasy but that one was fulfilled only a few days ago. Sandra never gave me blow job from start to finish but that's already checked off. I love oral sex, giving even more than receiving. Other than that? Nothing I could put my finger on. What about you? Anything off limits?"

"I am no fan of anal sex, I've tried it but it didn't give me anything. And violence is a no-go."

"I've never tried anal but haven't had the wish to. Why use the only opening without a natural lubricant, with the potential for pain and injury, when there are so many other fun and enjoyable things to do. Just for the thrill? I think it's mainly a dominance thing and I've never gotten off on that. Sandra and I tried some different role plays but they never really worked well for us. And I think it is self-explaining that violence or sadomasochistic practices are something I'm not comfortable with. I'm far too afraid to release the monster.

Any fantasies on your side?"

"There is one. But that will most likely remain a fantasy for ever. A few of my girlfriends and I have often discussed some bisexual group sex. A few of us and one man."

I was just taking a sip of coffee and nearly spat it out.

"What? Got a problem with a sexually liberated woman? It's out of question now anyhow. My exclusivity is total. No other men and no women. And it would need some serious emotional distancing as it would only be a once in lifetime thing."

"That was surprising. Here I am coyly talking about some simple oral sex and you come out as a bisexual gangbanger," I laughed and leaned over to kiss her to make sure she understood that I wasn't offended or put off. "Come on. That's literally every man's dream. But that's so far off the scale you don't even think about mentioning it when your girlfriend asks you about your fantasies. Anyhow, as sex and emotions are very closely connected for me, I'm not the right guy for this. You should have hired a porn star who is used to such things."

"Girlfriend. Sounds great," was the only thing she replied.

***

There was a vibrating expectation in the air when we went to bed that night. The sexual encounters we had on the Saturday after we met, had not been about being together. They had been her cry for protection and my misinterpreting her intentions. This mid-morning was about carnal needs and tension release after weeks of build-up. Tonight we would, for the first time, make love to each other.

But the expectation didn't release explosively as before. We took our time. We slowly and thoroughly discovered and shared each other. We did all the holding, the tasting, the feeling and the touching that had been intended on that first Saturday. We wanted our union to last and we made it last. Not in the teasing, torturing way I had made it last in the whirl pool or when she had reciprocated with the blowjob, but in a sensual, sharing, caring and unhurried way.

When we had reached our joint climaxes, we were simultaneously exhausted and invigorated. We had both received more energy than we had given.

And the climaxes were not the end of the union, the kissing, the caressing and the cuddling went on for a long time gradually decreasing until finally we lay there, me on my back and Beverly cuddled up on my side, both slowly falling asleep, satisfied on so many more levels than just the physical.

I lay there reflecting. Oh, Sandra. I'm falling for her. I feel it. I'm sorry but I don't think I can avoid that. Will you forgive me? I'm sorry. I don't want to taint your memory. You don't deserve that but I'm really falling for her. Sandra, help me, advise me. What shall I do? Just as I was on the brink of sleep, I heard Sandra's voice or maybe it wasn't so much hearing but rather feeling her voice. I instinctively knew the voice came from deep inside, deeper than Beverly had reached so far, it even came from beyond the cold sphere of hatred I had so long cultivated in what I believed was my deepest core. It was just one word, warm and full of hope:

"Happy."

End of Part III - to be continued