U-N-I Ch. 01

"Does it?" I asked, playing it again. "Shit! Am I plagiarizing without realizing it?"

He laughed,

"Dunno, just sounds similar."

"Fuck, whatever, I'm done. I'm knackered," I said as I put down my guitar and climbed under the bed covers.

Rob picked up my guitar and practiced a couple of U2 songs for a while. I just listened and began to wonder how to ask him what I wanted to ask him.

Again, the whole evening had been weird, we had barely talked to each other but we had done a lot of talking with our eyes, there was a sort of...connection between us that I had been feeling more and more. It was becoming stronger and stronger every day. We never felt the need to talk non-stop when we were together. We always had something to talk about though but sometimes we just hung out silently together. The silence between us was always a comfortable one. It was never awkward.

I was almost beginning to drift off to sleep when Rob joined me under the covers. I turned around and lay closer to the edge of the bed to give him more space. I had my back to him but after only a few seconds, he sort of snuggled up to me. He wasn't exactly touching me, but he was lying close enough so that I could feel his breath and his body-heat on me, and it felt good. Too good. Sexually good. Once again, I wanted him to press his body harder against mine. I wanted to feel the weight of his body on me. I didn't move though and I knew he wasn't going to either, he never did.

I was straight. I was dating Rachel. I was straight I kept telling myself almost every night. I was fucking straight, but I couldn't help feeling mixed emotions and I couldn't help being sexually curious when it came to him.

I had been suspecting it for a while now. He wasn't interested in dating anyone seriously, whereas I was having a pretty serious relationship with my girlfriend. When I was hanging out with her and we couldn't spend time together, he'd either hang out with our group of friends or, as he'd always tell me, he'd go to Dublin to meet more interesting girls than the ones from our school. I didn't really have any reasons to doubt that since there were dozens of girls lined up at the end of our performances to talk to him when we played live in pubs.

But I hadn't met any of them and he kept avoiding the subject with some sort of smart comment whenever I'd try to talk to him about girls. I wasn't the only one to suspect that maybe he wasn't straight... so did our friends. But they weren't as close to him as I was. They weren't sleeping in his bed almost every night . . . like I was.

I kept telling myself that I was just horny at night like this, I kept wishing that he'd make some sort of move on me. I wanted him to put his arm around me. I wanted him to try and kiss me or touch me, damn, I fucking wanted to have sex with him but I was too afraid to admit it to myself, even less to him.

I knew the main reason why I was feeling this way was that I could feel how much Rob wanted to be close to me, all the time. Just thinking about the fact that he was gay and probably interested in fooling around with me was turning me on.

Once again, my cock began to stiffen, but this time, I decided to do something about it. I took a deep breath as I worked up the courage to actually ask him once and for all.

"Rob?"

"Yeah," he just said.

"You still awake?"

"You know that was just me talking, right?" he joked.

I had to let out a small chuckle as I turned around to face him. I looked into his eyes for a second. "I mean, do you wanna sleep or can we talk about something?"

He frowned slightly. "Well, we can talk. What about?"

"I'm not sure... I just...I just feel...," I took another deep breath. "Fuck," I huffed. "You know what, forget it. Let's just sleep," I said. I couldn't find the right words and I began to back away.

"No tell me, what is it? I'm gonna make you tell me now anyway," he insisted.

"Ok. Look. I was wondering...like...how do you feel about girls, like, really?" I asked him.

"I.... why are you asking me this?"

"Cause, I dunno. All these girls...," I began saying, talking about his fans who were all trying to get his attention after our gigs or at school. "You're not even remotely interested in dating any of them, are you?"

"I'm not," he confirmed. "Why would I want to date them?" he asked mischievously, probably hoping to make me think he was only interested in fucking them.

"Why don't you want to date them?" I asked.

"Because it's too much trouble."

"Is it?" I asked suspiciously and he looked at me as if he had suddenly understood why I had brought up the subject.

"I just, I just don't want to," he mumbled. "I want to focus on the band, I wanna play music and stuff..., I don't ..." and he sighed and stopped talking.

He sat up on the bed and I propped myself up on one arm, facing him. I just looked at him and waited for him to say something or to look at me, but he didn't. He couldn't.

"Rob, you can tell me, you know. You can tell me anything, I'm your best friend so just say it, it's alright," I said in a reassuring tone of voice.

Then I sat up and waited. It took a few seconds before he raised his head and his eyes finally met mine. I could see shock and fear in them. I just stared at him and tried to give him strength. He knew what I was waiting for him to say. But he didn't say anything, and his beautiful eyes began to water.

"You gay?" I asked, but it was not really a question.

He took a deep breath and looked down again. I waited for him to process my question and after a moment he looked up at me and spoke.

"What if I am!" he said with confidence in his voice again.

"I don't care. It doesn't change anything. I just wanna know."

He looked away and sighed as he said, "I don't think I can talk to you about this."

"Why can't you? We've always told each other everything. You can talk to me about this, it's fine."

"No. This is different. How'd you figure it out?"

I was silent for a moment. I wasn't sure how to answer without telling him about how I was feeling. I tried to gather my thoughts and answered,

"'Cause you've been acting differently around me. You look at me differently, you smile at me differently. You always try to protect me. I feel there's more closeness when we're together."

"Alright stop, I get it. I thought I was being more subtle than that."

"I know you. You can't fool me. I can read you like an open book."

More silence. He wasn't talking so I tried to make him talk.

"You ever been with a guy?" I asked.

"Yeah," he softly answered.

"Really?" I asked, surprised, now, I was curious. "Who?"

"A few guys in Dublin..."

"Oh...," I nodded, understanding why he'd go to Dublin by himself and never talk to me about it.

"And you know, Charlie, from school?"

"Charlie, yeah... no way, he's gay?!" I asked a bit stunned.

"Yeah, very!" he answered, chuckling a little.

My mouth dropped open and I chuckled. I actually thought that was kind of hot, as I pictured them briefly together.

"Damn!"

Rob smiled at me he was starting to relax a little. There was no more fear in his eyes. He could tell that I was ready to hear this and that I was cool with it.

"He doesn't look gay or act gay at all," I said, still a bit surprised.

"Well, neither do I... "

"That's true." I looked at him and noticed again how masculine he looked. He had a great body, tanned skin, dark hair, a noticeable six pack and strong arms. His voice was deep and he wasn't obviously gay in the way he spoke or acted. He was very attractive. And I couldn't help but acknowledge the fact that I did find him so.

As ambivalent as I was about my feelings for him, I couldn't help but try and talk to him about them. I was nervous and I didn't know how to go about it. I had already managed to make him come out to me, I wasn't sure he was ready to talk about the feelings he obviously had for me.

He looked briefly into my eyes, but looked away and sighed, ill-at-ease.

"Is he, like, your boyfriend? I never see you hang out with him."

"No, I never do. We just get together once in a while, it's just sex. He's fun."

"I see!" I smiled at him. "Must be hard to keep this to yourself."

He gazed at me and shrugged.

"Do you need a hug?" I said to lighten up his mood.... and to be totally honest, to feel his strong body against mine again.

He laughed slightly. "Sure!" he answered with another slight shrug.

I shifted my body closer to his. He moved and let me wrapped my legs around him. I held him against me and he rested his forehead on my shoulder and sighed. We didn't move, we didn't speak a word, we just enjoyed the closeness and again, I felt how connected we were.

After a short moment, he started to hold me tighter and drew my body closer to his. He clung onto me, our bodies quite close to each other, our t shirt covered chests pressing together. I felt his breathing change and I knew he was crying a little.

"Don't cry, man, it's okay," I told him reassuringly.

"I know," he answered with confidence on his voice. "It's just so hard to talk to you about this."

I didn't respond right away. I just continued holding him for a while.

"Why can't you talk to me about it?" I eventually asked him.

He dried his eyes and and kept his tight grip on me. His breathing returned to normal and he raised his head a little. I felt his lips on my ear.

"Cause I love you," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. "I love you so much it hurts."

I froze. I hadn't expected him to be so straighforward. I instantly felt a wave of lust rushing through me ast he whispered those words into my ear.

"I... I know, I kinda figured," I stuttered, unable to say anything else.

He pulled back to finally look at me in the eye. I could see so many emotions in those beautiful eyes of his. It felt more like he was looking into me again. It felt like he was trying to see into my soul, to read my mind, and he said softly,"I know you're straight. I know I can't have you. I just don't wanna lose your friendship. But I had to tell you. Don't weird out on me okay, please!" he begged.

I placed my hand behind me and pulled away from him a little with a sigh. I wasn't fully hard but I was worried he would notice that I was turned on by what he was telling me.

"I won't," I promised him. But I knew something would change. Things could not be the same. Because I knew I was going to act on those feelings I had. I was sexually curious, and I felt attracted to him. I briefly thought about Rachel, but I knew she would not find out about this.

"Fuck," he breathed. "I didn't know how to tell you this. How d'you feel about it?"

"I dunno. I've only just started suspecting that you might be gay... How long have you known?" I asked.

"I think I've always known," he answered. "But I guess it became clear to me when I was like ....thirteen. I've always been more attracted to boys," he smiled and then added, "I've always been...."

He stopped mid-sentenced and stared into my eyes.

I held his stare. "How long have you had feelings for me?" I blurted out.

"Don't make me say it!" he said as his eyes left mine.

"How long?" I insisted.

"Since I was thirteen," he admitted and I took a deep breath.

"But the last couple of years have been really hard," he admitted.

"And you would let me sleep in your bed, and not say anything?"

"I couldn't say anything. I was just happy to have you there, even if I couldn't touch you. I liked having you close to me. I didn't want to lose your friendship. You're too important to me," he paused, "Mark... I don't want this to make you stop coming over. If you need to get away from your place, please, still come over here. You don't have to worry about me or what I feel, I'll get over it. Actually, I'm glad you know. It will make things easier for me, and you can just tell me to stop if you feel uncomfortable or if I'm getting too close to you."

He looked at me intensely,

"Promise me!"

I watched him and for a few seconds, I wondered how I could tell him that maybe, just maybe, I didn't want him to keep his hands off me.

Evidently, I felt something for him that was going beyond friendship. I loved him. But I wasn't gay. ... or was I? Did I just want to try? Was this just lust? This could ruin everything between us. What if I was just curious but I realized I didn't like it. I couldn't do that to him. Let him have me just once and then tell him that I wasn't interested.

But I loved him. I had that feeling in my body that told me I would cry a river if I were to lose him. He was my best friend, we knew each other better than we knew anyone else. We shared everything and he meant so much to me. He was someone I could tell everything to, he was someone I could go to when things were too hard to handle at home and I knew there'd be no judgements, just understanding and help.

"Yeah of course, I promise. I still wanna come over here and hang out. I told you, it doesn't change anything. You're my best friend, and I ...I love you too, you know," I said calmly.

"What?" He asked, a bit taken aback. I think he heard in my tone of voice that I meant more than just 'I love you as a friend' "

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean, I love you... because ... well, I couldn't even imagine not hanging out with you anymore, there's just no way. Come on, we're talking about you and I here. You're always there for me, I can always count on you. You protect me all the time. And if I'm bringing this up tonight, it's because I feel... I feel so conflicted about this."

He raised his brows. "You feel conflicted?"

I stayed silent and he waited for me to continue. He could sense I wasn't finished.

"I don't think I'm gay. I dunno, I've never asked myself that question. But when I'm with you... at night... I don't know.... I just feel..."

I really didn't know how to explain it to him. I didn't even understand it myself. I stopped talking and again, he waited, so I took a deep breath and said,

"I just feel ... like I could try things with you... and it wouldn't be weird!"

I could tell he wasn't expecting me to say this at all.

"Are you saying you might want to...do stuff," he asked cautiously.

I rubbed the back of my neck as I answered, "Maybe, I just don't know. Maybe, I guess I'm just curious. But I don't want, oh god, I really don't know... " I said, letting my hand fall back onto my lap.

He just stared at me for a few seconds until he said with a lot of confidence,

"You know, let's be honest here. I've been fantasizing about kissing you for almost five years.... You can't tell me stuff like that!"

I smiled and gazed into his eyes, loving how bright and hopeful they looked at that instant,

"Well... do it if you want!" I responded straightforwardly.

I so wanted to know what it would feel like. The more we were talking about it, the more turned on I was. I wanted to do things with him, I was sure of that, it was all I could think about. I couldn't even bring myself to think about what it would change between us, or between me and my girlfriend.

He looked at me like I could not possibly be serious.

"Are you for real?" he asked with uncertainty in his voice.

I swallowed,

"Yeah, I'm curious. We can try. I don't mind," I said, not really sure I meant it.

He looked deep into my eyes again, hesitated for a couple of seconds and then shifted his by closer to mine.

"Well, you know what?" he said, with his usual self assurance, "If I'm gonna ruin everything between us, I might as well take everything I can with me!"

Before I had time to think twice about it, he had wrapped his legs around me again. He placed one hand behind my lower back, the other behind my neck. Then he drew me closer and his lips were on mine.

It felt so electric and goosebumps covered my arms. Another wave of lust rushed through me when I realized what was happening. His tongue played with my lips and his hard body was tightly pressed against mine. I hadn't expected this. Well, actually, I had thought it might feel like this, but I couldn't believe I had been right. Fuck, maybe I was gay. That was the first thought that went through my head. But I didn't care.

He was slightly smiling as he was kissing me, but I wasn't kissing him back. I didn't know what to do. It felt so good to feel his lips against mine and I still couldn't believe how much I liked it. It felt so different to kissing Rachel. There was more pressure, more intensity. He was turning me on so much more.

I felt his tongue trying to push its way into my mouth, as if asking for permission to part my lips, I came back to earth and started to kiss him back. I opened my mouth slightly and let my tongue play with his.

God, I loved it! Kissing him felt like the most natural thing in the world. It was the most natural thing in the world, it felt totally familiar even though we'd never done it before. The kiss was gentle and hesitant at first but when he saw that I wasn't stopping him and that I was kissing him too, he closed his eyes and drew me even closer to him, if it was even possible. He ran his hand through my hair and kissed me more passionately, my cock stiffened instantly. There was an intensity to the kiss that I had never experienced before.

He pushed his tongue deeper into my mouth, his fingers still running through my hair. I couldn't believe how amazing this felt. I was rock hard by now and I could feel that he was too. We started moaning as we continued kissing, our crotches rubbing together.

Rob caressed the back of my head with his fingers and then pushed his body hard against mine, forcing me to lie down on my back, him on top of me.

Still kissing, his mouth moved down and he kissed the underside of my chin and traced my jawline with his lips. Then, he placed a few harder kisses on my neck. I was fucking loving it. It felt so good, he felt so good... but I couldn't help but say something, "Wait Rob.... Rob," I repeated.

"Oh no, Mark please, I don't wanna stop, it feels too good to be kissing you, please, don't stop me," he begged, pressing his lips against mine again.

"No, I don't want to stop either," I told him in between kisses, "I just, fuck, it doesn't feel weird to do this. I kinda knew I might feel like this, but fuck," I repeated as I tried to wrap my heard around the fact that we were making out and that it was fucking awesome.

He looked at me and smiled. Damn, he was so fucking gorgeous when he smiled. His whole face lit up and his eyes were full of passion.

"Don't overthink it. I've been wanting to do this so many times. I didn't think it'd ever happen!"

He kissed me again, small, long kisses, unable to stop. He eventually started nibbling at my neck again. I loved having my neck kissed. I knew it was a really sensitive part of my body but with Rob it was just ecstacy.

"Ohh fuck yeah!" I moaned. He must have felt my body shivering and quivering because he applied more pressure and made me moan harder. Then he started kissing my whole face, my cheek, my nose, my forehead. When he pulled back, he looked at me, his hand firmly caressed my stomach as he asked, his voice full of need,

"Please take this off!"

I was just wearing a T-shirt and my boxer briefs and so was he. I could feel his cock pressing against me. I pulled my tee over my head in one quick motion. We were both breathing hard and I couldn't keep my eyes off him as he started kissing my chest.

When he got to my nipples, I exhaled and inhaled again, loving the feel of his tongue against them. He made them hard and kept teasing me for a while. I was so turned on, I thought I would cum whether he kept kissing me or not. It was the most intense sexual experience I had ever had. Even my first time with Rachel hadn't made me feel like this. I knew he could feel it.