Universal Love

"Arvin, Arvin?" She was snapping her fingers in front of his face. "Do you understand?" Then she let go of his hand.

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry." He shook his head to free the cobwebs of illusion that had replaced his mind. "So, let me see if I understand this. You have traveled from a solar system 100 light years away. Ahh, I think you said we called it, TOI 700?" Asteria nodded enthusiastically. "I think you said the exoplanet 'e' in that system, specifically? Again, she nodded, impressed that he retained this information.

"But tell me then. How did you find us?"

"We didn't. You found us. We just never thought to focus our resources on this remote relatively sparsely populated corner of what you refer to as the Milky Way. Once we recognized with random broad band scans that elements necessary to support intelligent life existed, we implemented concentrated pulse scans in this quadrant, and realized that, although with very crude methodology, you were watching us."

"Okay, and now you've come to warn us about our future, about losing our humanity in our race to travel beyond our planet, seeking answers to all the great philosophical questions about man's existence. Oh, yeah, and the existence of a deity, or is there order and meaning to life in the universe? That sort of thing?"

"Yes, yes. Oh my, I wasn't sure you were really paying attention."

"I was. Now moving on here. You've come from what is obviously a technologically far more superior civilization than ours, traveling untold light years. And, in order to accomplish this mission, as I think you described it. You've decided that the best place to start is with a broken-down, soon-to-be alcoholic truck driver, in a seedy bar in Fremont. Why not start, say, with one of the hundreds of institutes of higher learning, intellectual think tanks, or capitals of the world. Or, maybe even the Wall Street Journal?"

"That, Arvin, is an excellent question. The best way for me to explain it is to use one of your quaint little colloquialisms. 'From little acorns, come mighty oaks.'"

"Huh?"

"I guess I was stretching things there with that one. Let me see. What, do you think would happen if, say, we landed a giant spaceship, as you call them, in the middle of the National Mall in Washington DC?"

"Hmmm, I guess, I see your point."

"Right, and besides, it will be millions of your calendar years before your species will have the technology to harvest and process the natural resources currently existing in your solar system in order to accommodate interstellar travel. Never mind the vast depth of knowledge required to accomplish this. All that we would achieve would be to throw your world into an unprecedented and unfathomable period of chaos.

"So, over the next 10,000 or so of your solar years, which will be very critical in the development of your species, we are going to plant acorns, as it were, across your globe, in people that have lost the ability to feel mortal emotions. I will admit, that most of your species that we work with are usually individuals so absorbed in sciences and new technologies that they have lost the ability to feel joy, love, and any other myriad of necessary emotions to complete your human experience. One of the most important, believe it or not, is to feel pain."

"Pain?"

"Yes, pain, sorrow, fear, anguish, even terror. All those are necessary feelings, life experiences if you will. You used to sustain them, Arvin. Now you have anesthetized yourself to the point that you feel nothing. Well, nothing but self-loathing anyway. They are as essential for human survival on earth as are water and the atmosphere. That's why I'm here to help you."

"I don't think I understand you, Asteria. I have felt all of those. They destroyed me. Don't they crush the humanity out of you? If I never feel them again, it would be fine with me."

"Your wrong, Arvin." Asteria saw him bristle at her rebuke, so she asked him. "If I'm wrong, tell me the last time you felt real happiness, joy, love, even contentment?"

He couldn't remember. "Maybe, it's just because I don't deserve to feel those?"

Asteria gently touched his cheek with her hand, and the same breathtaking heart-stopping charge of energy flooded every inch of him, every nerve ending, every pore seemed to be alive. It made an orgasm seem insignificant by comparison.

"Yes, you do, Arvin. I'm going to give you the secret to life. You can't feel happiness unless you are capable of sorrow. You can't feel love unless you understand hate. If you can do no wrong, how do you know what is right? If you can't be hurt and hurt badly, how can you ever hope to experience real joy and wonder." Asteria sighed, hopeful that he understood but doubtful because its obvious simplicity eluded most, especially deep thinkers who needed to complicate the simplest ideas.

"Technology is not a panacea for every human failing, Arvin. It is merely a tool for mankind to use for its general betterment. We made that mistake long ago. It took thousands of years to correct it. At first, we thought that if we passed laws to right all perceived wrongs, we would be better off. When that didn't work, we tried to erase all evidence of past failures.

"When that didn't work either, we focused on eliminating words and language that might offend. Still, that didn't change our downward spiral. We assumed that the loudest voices had to be right. So, listening to those whose shouts were close to our beliefs, we fought amongst ourselves, splintering into ever smaller cliques, finally dissolving into chaos and stagnation. Your so-called 'dark ages' might be a good reference for you as to what we experienced. Only instead of centuries of darkness, we experienced several millennia of blackness.

"The real tragedy for your mankind was, of course, the loss of so much accumulated human knowledge as you wandered aimlessly through the darkness. It should serve as a warning to your planet that it can happen again. It probably will unless you are very careful."

"What about the existence of a deity or God?"

"Ahh. Believe it or not, we are still seeking the answer to that question. We have progressed millions of years beyond where you are in your species' development and we have found through the natural and physical sciences, answers that demonstrate a clear rational biological path to existence. We can even replicate life forms. We have found answers to everything except for one simple, yet enigmatical actuality. Why?"

"Maybe we aren't meant to know the answer?"

"Oh my, a truck driver philosopher. You surprise me, Arvin Hayward. I think all is not yet lost for you." She touched him again. And the result was the same as previously. "You know, Arvin, under different circumstances I think even I could fall in love with you."

"Well, Asteria, I think I might already be in love with you. You make me feel things I haven't felt in a long time. Some I've never felt."

"You're so sweet. But it's time for me to move along. I have a lot to do before I leave..."

"Wait, but why even bother with me? I'm a nothing, a nobody. I am not important to anyone."

"Not yet, Arvin." There was that damned smile again.

Whatever she had done to him must be working, because he suddenly felt a long buried and deep sense of sorrow. "So, that's it? You stroll in here, change my life, make me fall in love with you, then, poof" Arvin snapped his fingers abruptly. "You disappear?" He shook his head bitterly. "Or, are you really just a hallucination? Brought on by way too much cheap liquor."

With his last declaration, Asteria stood. Her face morphed into a smoldering apparition of pure lust. She grabbed Arvin's face in both hands feeding him twice the fiery kinetic energy as before. She planted an open mouth kiss on his lips that was both angelic and devilish. His eyes closed involuntarily, his arms pulling her impossibly closer as if he were trying to climb inside her, just so he could feel more of her incredible energy. Though in reality, he was hanging on for dear life. The kiss went on and on. Arvin felt as if he were floating on a cloud.

When he opened his eyes, Asteria was staring back at him. He felt all the energy inside her flowing into him through them. They were once blue, but now they were a kaleidoscope of colors and bright lights seemingly endless in scope. It was as if he was witnessing the 'big bang theory' in silent slow motion, all inside his head.

He sensed as if all of the millions of years of collective knowledge from Asteria was being transferred to him through her eyes. For a fleeting moment, he thought he was dying. And he was comfortable with it, had it been the case.

She slowly pried her lips from his. Arvin was instantly transported back to real-time and place. He was speechless. He glanced around the room to see who had observed this incredible spectacle. No one had. It was as if they were invisible to the mundane world.

"Did that feel like a hallucination, my sweet Arvin?"

He could only shake his head as words still escaped him. Finally, painfully, pleadingly a few words came to him. "You can't go now. Not now." His eyes were filling with tears. Something he hadn't been able to do in years.

"I have to, Arvin. In a sense, you are right. I am an apparition. We were perfect for a moment in time. That was not an illusion. But that is all it will ever be. And, I didn't make you fall in love with me. I simply made you capable of loving again." Her compassion was sincere. She smiled warmly but not intimately. "I have another appointment nearby. Then I will be not even a memory, but perhaps only a dream to you." The last was spoken softly and with a knowing sorrow. Asteria turned away and quickly glided out the door.

Arvin, startled, almost slid off his seat. Oh wow. Did I fall asleep? He shook his head and checked his watch. Seriously? It's been more than an hour since Sugar left. Man, I have got to stop doing this to myself. An hour I can't remember. Pull yourself together, guy. Arvin started to signal for another round, then changed his mind and called out, for a cup of coffee, black. Had that coffee service been right there on the back bar all along, or did it just appear?

When the server returned, with his steaming cup, he spoke to Arvin. "You doing okay, man? You seem to have been lost in your own world since Sugar left. You need help with anything?" Arvin shook his head. "I'm not trying to get into your business, friend, but drinking alone like that, ain't really good. I'm glad you asked for coffee. I was getting worried about you."

"Thanks...thanks for caring. I think I'll be fine now." The young man nodded at Arvin and headed back to his post. Arvin wasn't really sure he'd be okay at all. He got his coffee, which tasted surprisingly good. He turned back to his thoughts about what had happened to his life. And, for the first time in a long time, started thinking about his future.

He glanced up at the large mirror in the back bar and saw someone he didn't recognize staring back at him. What he saw was a tired, wrinkled, overweight shell of a man, with thinning gray hair. It used to be brown with flecks of gray. Now it was the other way around. And the eyes. His eyes were dead. Well, shit! His feeble attempt at self-evaluation was interrupted before he could come to any definitive conclusions.

"Is this stool taken?"

Arvin leaned forward and glanced quickly down the bar to confirm that the row of worn-out barstools was still empty, then looked at his latest companion. "No, but it has been a popular seat tonight. So, you better sit quickly." Arvin indicated with his palm up, at the adjacent stool. It was in a little better condition than his. Maybe that's why it was so popular.

"It must be your magnetic personality that does it, then." Quipped the still-nameless kibitzer.

Arvin gave an appreciative snort and wordlessly studied the woman before him.

She broke the awkward standoff. "Overcome by my beauty, right? It happens to me all the time." She tilted her head and laughed infectiously. She struck a caricature of a runway model's pose with her hands on her rather large shapeless hips, then seated herself. Still laughing, she stuck her hand out. "Sonoma, Sonoma Tracy, at your service."

Arvin failed to verbalize anything but did manage to shake her hand, all the while staring into Sonoma's ocean-blue eyes. He couldn't let go of her hand until the jolt of electricity he felt had coursed its way through his entire being. Why did that feel familiar? He finally managed to stutter. "Uh, A-A-Arvin, Arvin Tracy...you're beautiful."

Sonoma broke out in her contagious laugh. "Wow, Arvin Tracy, you are smooth...but when's the last time you had your eyesight checked? No offense, but I look like a younger version of you!" She couldn't stop laughing as the bored bartender finally arrived to take her drink order.

"Give me a PBR, draft, please." Both Arvin and the barman raised their eyebrows questioningly. Arvin shrugged his shoulders, and the young man scurried off to draw a Pabst Blue Ribbon from the tap.

"So, what do you do, Arvin? Wait, don't tell me, let me guess." She made a show of closely studying his entire manner from head to toe. "Trucker, probably an over-the-road guy, right?"

"Whoa, is it that obvious? You're a genius."

"Naw, just a rocket scientist." She spoke playfully, her eyes sparkling. "You Shouldn't give me too much credit though. Because your left arm is as tan as a lifelong naturist, and your right looks like a cadaver's." She lightly touched each as she spoke, sending shivers through Arvin once again. "That, and your paunch matches mine." She grabbed a handful of her ample belly familiarly and giggled. I guess we both spend a lot of time sitting down. So, there you go?"

"Ouch, I guess this is where I'm supposed to be insulted and point out to you, that I still wear the same size jeans I wore in high school." He quickly grasped his love handles, followed by his stomach. "But back then though, all this didn't use to hang over my waistline!" They laughed together.

"Uhh, you drive too?"

"No, I just sit for 10-12 hours a day staring at a computer screen eating junk food and drinking sodas. I break the monotony by periodically tapping on a keyboard, not very exciting to you, I suppose." She left her hand resting comfortably on Arvin's aptly described cadaver arm. She took another sip of her PBR. She pinched her face again as she swallowed.

Arvin shook his head and waved the bartender over. When he arrived, Arvin directed. "Sonoma, order what you really want to drink, please?"

"Sorry, I thought that line was a good icebreaker, heard it in an old movie, I think. But to be honest, I'm really more of a red wine enthusiast."

"Frankly, Sonoma, in this place, you're taking a bigger risk on the wine than something from the tap." Arvin felt something unfamiliar. He was enjoying himself.

"I'll plant a tree then."

That statement confused him, but he didn't pursue it. It seemed to Arvin that every time Sonoma smiled, the bar got a little brighter.

Arvin nodded at the barkeep, and he scampered off to find a bottle of red wine that might be buried somewhere in the backroom. The kid returned shortly with an actual wine glass with what looked like actual red wine in it. He hoped the bartender hadn't just poured a little catsup in a glass and thinned it with tap water. Oh well, it wouldn't take long to find out.

Sonoma took a sip of the velvety red liquid. She didn't spit it out or grimace. "So, tell me, Arvin. Why are you here tonight, drinking alone, and looking like someone ran over your cat?"

"I could ask you the same question." He said it impishly, then panicked that he might have offended her. "Uh, I uh, I didn't mean to imply that you looked like someone ran over your cat or anything. I mean, I think you look great!" Oh, for God's sake, Arvin, just relax.

Sonoma gave more of a snort than a laugh. "We are really, really, going to need to get your eyes checked, Big Guy." It took her five minutes to stop laughing. She almost choked on her wine a couple of times. "I don't know what's come over me. I'm normally not this glib."

Arvin was fixated on her smile. He found it addictive. Sonoma was a little confused but delighted. She wasn't used to having this effect on men.

"Where are you from, Sonoma?"

"Oh, nowhere in particular. My parents moved around a lot with their various jobs. I was home schooled until I went to college. So, I'm not really from any place."

"So, Arvin. What's your elevator speech?"

"Huh?"

"You know, it's where you tell me your whole life story from start to finish like you were on a two-minute elevator ride."

"Oh, I see. Well, I won't even need the whole two minutes for that. I've never done anything that I haven't screwed up. I'm a borderline alcoholic who, if I'd had any courage at all, would have killed myself long ago." He triumphantly took another sip of coffee. When he looked up, he was surprised to see Sonoma, still seated next to him, looking thoughtful. Hmm. She didn't run for the door?

"I see. So, Arvin. I guess we are dealing with some self-esteem issues then, am I right?"

He couldn't help himself. It was his turn to burst out laughing. Even the bartender and a couple of semi-comatose drunkards were staring at the two of them. "Well, I guess I'm exaggerating a bit. I'm a pretty good truck driver, for whatever that's worth."

"Oh, Arvin, I'm envious of you. The places you've been and things you must have seen. This country is so big, and beautiful, with such diverse scenery, cultures, and opportunities. I've always wanted to see it up close and personal, but never have. I fly over it occasionally. I've seen the Grand Canyon, but only from the air. I've lost track of how many times I've watched the Rocky Mountains pass by below as I flew above, but I have never stepped foot in them. The Great Lakes look magnificent from an airplane, but I want to stand on the shore of Lake Michigan. I want to swim in the Gulf of Mexico from a Florida beach. What a dreary waste. Yes, I'm very jealous of your life, Arvin."

Arvin put his head down, and for the first time in several years, he realized he too, was wasting time. "You know, Sonoma. I've driven through, around, and on those places, and a lot more. But, to be honest, I haven't experienced them any more than you have." He'd been viewing himself as a failure but was starting to recognize he had failed at the wrong things. Those were sobering thoughts, so he shut them down.

"Well, Sonoma, it's your turn to give me your elevator speech now."

"Hah! I'm afraid mine is much more boring than yours." She paused to think for a moment. "I am an only child. From the time I was a little girl, I was raised by my parents to be an aerospace engineer. Both my parents were engineers working in the aerospace field. They worked at Boeing, Lockheed, General Dynamics, and Northrup Grumman at various times during their careers.

"When I was ten years old, my parents told me I was going to work for NASA. It wasn't a discussion, I was told. By the time I was twenty-one, I had qualified for Cal Tech's Aerospace Ph.D. Candidacy Program. I graduated high school at sixteen, then completed my undergraduate work in Astronautics at Stanford by nineteen. I completed my Graduate work in eighteen months and then attended Cal Tech. Now I work for NASA.

"I don't tell you this to impress you with my intellect. I tell you this because I've never had a life. I wasn't allowed to date in high school, I didn't belong to any clubs, and I never went out for sports. My entire life was planned out for me by my parents. I didn't even have a boyfriend until my junior year at Stanford. I brought him home one time to meet my parents. After they got through with him, I never saw him again." The longer she spoke, the angrier she became.