All Comments on 'Font of Fertility Ch. 05'

Hello All,

As mentioned in the outro, I am reaching out to any readers who are more critically, and literarily, inclined for a moment of reflection. As an unpublished author I am innately an amateur, looking to grow and learn, and so I am seeking notes on the following subjects: Tone, Voice, Technique and Style. Have any of these changed over the course of the last five chapters? Are there moments where I break consistency, for better or worse?

All comments are greatly appreciated on this. If anyone is compelled to go more in depth, it would probably be appropriate to send me feedback as opposed to commenting here.

Thanks so much,

~Break.

The work is appreciated. Great job.

More more more more more!

fantastic

So far so good. Keep up the good work.

I did a happy dance when I saw this new chapter posted!

Good Stuff! Please keep writing. I eagerly await the next chapter!

Happy Dance said...in Spades!

Agree with

Literally Awesome.

Seemed like an eternity since this last chapter. Excellent storyline, I realize this is not a true story but was taught years ago that pussy to anus sequence is approved however without the use o a condom anus to pussy not good because of germs being introduced into the vagina, womb and ovaries. One female ass to the other females pussy might be a bigger risk for germs. We live in a different work the last twenty plus years with AIDS, vaginal warts, etc. :-)

Definitely a 5! There are sooooooo many possibilities here as he develops his powers and abilities - and as he gathers his harem!!! I hope this becomes a VERY long series. I hope you develop some other method of financing his future than stealing from ATMs though - perhaps his harem could contribute a portion of their earnings as they develop careers to support a commune, perhaps his magic could turn straw into gold - whatever fits your developing story line. Just keep it going. (Wouldn't hurt if you could write faster, too ~ but maintain the quality!) Thanks for your great work.

Muhahahaha, insulting or not, that asshole should really check his word usage when dealing with a Seat, because "I offer you my daughter's body" isn't clear cut.

Hope someone noticed that bit of legalize.

Great story, one of those rare ones that has great plot, good writing, and balences out story and sex perfectly. Suggestion: have him use his powers more, and in more novel ways, like the telepathy in the story, or to create his own space to conduct Seat business.

Did George potentially just give away his younger daughter to the Seat? That would save both women from George, and we have a pretty good idea that Jeremiah wouldn't hurt the younger girl, so the conditions for her end of service would never be met. Hmm.

Jeremiah might solicit advice from Adama on how to punish the offending mage.

Hey all,

Wow! I have to say coming home from work on the first day of a new posting to find so many comments is awesome.

@barepusslover - You just poked your fingers into an issue my editor and I had to discuss a bit; hygiene and the sexual story. When I wrote the first draft of this chapter, I included a bit about how Jeremiah notices Lindsey's cleanliness in her back door area, and figures she had 'prepped' for their date as Lauren had that first time they tried anal. Basically while writing I had a voice in my head screaming 'Venereal disease, venereal disease!' Ante_Matter and I discussed and we decided constantly needing to notice, mention or otherwise deal with the hygiene issues of sex takes away from the flow of the story. I folded it into Chapter 2 with Lauren cause it was a 'first time' tale, but from now on I'm going to be fudging it a bit... and no that's not a poo pun. I totally appreciate the comment though, and to all you out there: Once you're in the back door, the front door is off limits until you wipe your feet.

Also, a funny note because I just noticed. The tags for this story have been shortened significantly. I think I went too specific for our ever-overworked Lit overlords :P

Thanks again all, and keep throwing comments my way. I love to hear what you're thinking!

~Break.

Woohoo so excited to see another chapter up as other commenteers have said you achieve a great balance of Plot, romance, and Sex. Keep up the good work and be proud of your writing :)

...That'd just be cliche.

Speaking of which, I've got to ask: does the life offered have to be a *human* life? Or could you give him, I dunno, a snake or something?

Also, I like this story, even if the evil dad was a bit... *too* evil to buy whole-hock.

Thank you for addressing my thoughts/concerns. This is certainly a great storyline and I don't want to take anything away from your writing/creativity. Looking forward to the next chapter, please don't make us wait too long. :-)

I think I can safely say that this is my favorite active series on the site. Keep up the great work!

I am wondering though, how out-there are you planning on going with the magic? So far its been pretty vanilla, which is fine, as its been plenty sexy. But having a story centered around sex magic and harem building leaves a lot of room for magically exploring fetishes; monster girls, strange transformations, and body swapping just to name a few. So, how far down the rabbit hole are you going to go?

I can honestly say this series is the best I've ever read, and I've certainly read my fair share.

The way you right the characters is very impressive, if a little corny at times, but even that serves to make them more endearing. Your sex scenes are on point, nearly prefect detailing, and just the right balance between light-hearted and intense.

You have a real talent for writing mate, I would seriously suggest pursuing it as more than a simple hobby (if you haven't already.) I very much look forward to seeing where you go in the future. Keep it up!

I'll be very frank and upfront with you. I'm not crazy about this chapter really. I'm glad this chapter is published but the theme present in the majority of it and the forced lead up to it where a tad much in wrong direction.

Threesomes and fucking blood sisters aren't turn ons for me, no where close. for others maybe. the insistence Lauren had for the act was bit weird and a little out of character. To some degree I understand the desire, but why she wanted their first threesome to be with her blood sister isn't clearly explained. "Jer, she needs this" is bad porn movie convenient. At the very least she should have laid out a plan of slow third wheel dates.

Additional the attention paid to him fucking both girls undercut the b plot dramatically. you could have spent the time with him asking annalise and adama more about the magical world that lies beneath our mundane one. What is the point of introing them but not to put them into effect.

This is a nitpick but what happened to his predecessors' effects? Surely one of the most powerful magicians in human history would leave behind a treasure trove of books and artifacts keyed to such power that jeramaih posesses'.

I loved the beginning but skipped the orgy in the middle and was dissapointed by how short the court session was.

Hey again all. So glad you guys are asking questions and getting excited and invested in the series.

@Anon - I make no promises about the other Seats or George Stoker. I will say that both parties have plans behind them that will hopefully avoid some cliches, or at least play into them with a fun twist.

@WanderingLost42 - My original intent for this series was to just go hog on magic sex stuff. Between the actual writing, some prodding from my fantastic editor, and how much the characters have influenced the story since conception, FoF has gone from a 'sex sex sex' kind of series to something more. That means a few of the darker ideas I had won't be happening, but it also means I can be more creative within the limits I'm setting for the story. As an example; the next chapter was originally planned to have a Time Freeze scene, but when I looked to getting a detailed outline done I realized this didn't work anymore. Jeremiah is not the kind of character to fuck a girl while she's frozen in time, no matter the circumstances. I'm not saying it's not a topic I might want to explore in another piece, but I am more aware than ever that to build a proper story for you all, the sex and the magic need to relate to these characters and not live on their own.

In short, I will say 'transformations' and body swapping are on the table, but monster girls are not. Mages and Humans provide more than enough fodder for this particular story at the moment.

@suranae - Thanks for your thoughts. This will probably be the only time I say anything on the particular topic, but I feel like the story is deep enough and headed in certain directions that I should say this once. FoF does have Incest content, and I try and be up front about that in my intros. I fully understand that this is not everyone's cup of tea. I, personally, find the idea titillating but have 0 fantasies about IRL family members. I'll be blunt about why I am writing in incest; first, they provided 'safe' but 'kinky' options for the early harem members, and second, incest is one of the largest categories on Lit. There is a massive reader base for the subject. I write these for myself first and the general audience second. I TOTALLY understand being turned off by the subject, I have my own dislikes as well, and I hope some of the content in the coming chapter evens out for you and others who dislike it. Your other notes are appreciated thoroughly.

Thanks again all!

this is an interesting story line and regardless of what others say about it, i was able to follow along with no problems. If some of the other readers posts that i have read do not like the way that you are writing it then let them write their own and see what responses they get and how they should write it. As a writer myself i am open to critique and opinions even thoughts, but the bottom line is that it is my story not theirs. The same as this one. I look forward to the next chapter/s and have to say good work.

It seems like your hinting at some bigger overall plot line that's soon to pop up - regular mages trying to overthrow the council or something else perhaps? - but whether or not that is your actual intent, it feels like your foreshadowing it, and makes for a good story and me want to read more

I look forward to future instalments

Cant wait for the next chapter. Theres very few chapter stories ive followed and this is one of them

Its must be getting hard to keep track of plot lines and work out which to focus on.

Hes got to be getting sex to charge his batteries.

Needs to learn about his abilities and how to handle other magic users

Relationship with his girlfriend/prime

Relationship with his sister and lindsay

Having to build a harem

Having to be a judge

Oh and writting good sex scenes.

Not much for you consider when writing chapters! Lol

A bit of kink in the sex would be good. Or a bit more of his own magic use.

Take it wherever you want. Its great so far.

Okay, not so patiently waiting. : ) Bring on FoF Ch. 06! This is a great story and I can't wait for more.

I so hope this didn't end with a plant being thrown out into a hotel parking lot. Patiently (well not really) waiting and hoping for me to this storyline. Thank you. :-)

As per title, FoF6 is currently in editing and revision. Should be out soon.

For now, please check out my other series Technically We're Estranged. The second chapter is going live any minute now.

Thanks for all the wonderful comments!

Editing for Chapter 6 is finally complete - Sorry for the wait for any folks who have been checking back for updates.

It's the longest chapter yet, so hopefully you all enjoy it once it goes live in (hopefully) a couple of days*.

* - Length of time dependent on site processing. I keep track of it regularly on my personal profile, so if you are interested in hearing exactly when it's going up, and getting some teases on FoF and other things I'm writing for Literotica, you can join my email list by sending me some feedback with your email address and a note saying you would like to join.

and bring us up to date on the cast members as we met them at the beginning of this drama.

chapter 05 and his sister is still off stage

ditto the English teacher

or any other family member.

One of the Tags is still incest, but . . . . . ..

As both an artist blacksmith and welder...

They are 2 distinct crafts/arts and mastery of either takes some years.

Holding up a cast figurine to either profession as an example shows awkward ignorance . Casting is yet another distinct art. Very few old pros have mastery of both. I know perhaps 150 artist blacksmiths and know only one who has truly mastered all 3 arts.

I've been doing this since the mid 60's and still haven't got a complete mastery of either

From Anonymous TO Anonymous. Don't be a butthole. Analise is a Mage. A practitioner of magical abilities, which includes chiefly fire. In this world that we are reading about, what makes you think she could not master all three. She doesn't have to practice or learn to master the element of fire. She just has to decide what she wants to do with that fire. To BreakTheBar, I've really enjoyed this and can't wait to get to chapter six.

Yes, I liked this story, very much. I'd love it to continue but I believe that it WILL not happen!

I think a review of the previous actions of other Seats is necessary in order to determine what actions have been done and also to determine what is possible with magic. Normal mages with limited control over magic (and all the different types) cannot do what a Seat could do.

To me, the sex scene with his girlfriend and her sister is one of the hottest. Also loved the date with Lindsey because of the psychological unraveling he does.

Break the Bar's ability to imagine and describe other-worldly concepts, well, it's out of this world.

An admirer,

Paul in Oklahoma

This series keeps getting better and better! While I question the sexual knowledge of a teenager re:submissive tendencies, as well as the somewhat high-level legalese used, the plot and descriptions are fantastic! Just wish I had found this series a bit sooner. Now, on to the next chapter!

A great combination of a good story and erotica.

I'm not a fan of anal, but still enjoying the story and other erotic aspects.

I'm truly amazed. All these chapters have averaged 5 pages, which is long for a Lit. story. Yet, I wish they were longer. I don't feel anything is unnecessary so far but when I get to the end I think... It's over already? That to me is the sign of a good story teller. Thanks for this. and Keep up the good work.

P.S. I've 5* and favorite everything so far.

5 pages is long to you??? Wow. I've always been someone who likes reading (was reading tom clancy books, average length like 700+ pages, by 5th grade), so I guess I'm used to reading lots. I've read 2 stories here so far that were over 60 pages long, and gone through series that were like 40-50 pages in a day or 2 of free time.

I would like to Nominate THE SCENE between Jeremiah, Lauren and Lindsay as One of the very best I have EVER Read. FUCKING AWESOME. So that SCENE should be listed as in the running for THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME, forthwith...

Good sister fantasy!!! Just Kill George...

Keep going , it is really starting to be great.

Brilliant stuff. The scene with Lauren and Lindsey is outstanding. I wish there were more.

My one complaint is that I don't like how similar Lauren and Lindsey's names are. Other than that, great story.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I just started reading this after reading some of your other work - absolutely fantastic. All of it.

One thing I do find amusing is that while Jeremiah has forbidden Adama from referring to Lauren as a "cumbucket", in your descriptions you always refer to Jeremiah as "A Magic Dick". I don't know if it was unintentional, on purpose, or what - but I think it's brilliant.

Any plans to actually fertilize someone? Story is good but I’m still waiting for him impregnate someone.

Super hot sex scene. Great dialog. Let's continue rhus journey 5/5

Hello my good sir! I must say this is one of the most well written stories I have ever had the pleasure of reading. The characters are likable, the sex scenes are fantastic, the drama makes sense instead of being a bunch of jumbled nonsense.

This is an absolute masterpiece and I would rate it higher than 5/5 if possible.

So far, a very well written story. Great characters and storyline. I am looking forward to read the rest of the story.

Ok so you know the last page is patched together wrong. Repeating, etc.

Ah Judge Judy with a lot of Harry Potter thrown in, fabulous. Another well thought out and written chapter. I look forward to reading the next. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.

Damn, two hot sisters into each other and their man in a threesome! Sir, I can only get SO erect. Please cease and desist before I pop a vein.

George Stoker, he seems nice. I'm sure that will be the last we hear from him...

The elevator scene gota laugh out of me.

Nicely done

And the winner in “Stamina in the official Poop Chute Banging” in the duo category is… BreakTheBar!!!👑👍🎶

5🌟. Hell of a finish.