by Prolonged_Debut10
I have now read all your stories. I find the premise in each to be interesting,
What I notice in all of them is that you have young females that hit, scream, threaten at the drop of a hat. A LITTLE bit of that can be funny but as it continues page after page it just becomes tiresome, tedious & juvenile. Then there is the "jokester" who is always "right" & always wants to spank the female because she broke one of his "rules". SHEESH! At times I thought they were ALL 6th graders with some of their actions.
To me because of the above, all I can say is the stories are OKAY, nothing special. Take out 80% of the hitting, spanking, screaming & threats & I think you would do WAY better than okay.
just sayin'
I loved these stories it makes me want to hear more about these characters I hope you bring them back in another story
I think that the screaming and physical altercations are your way of avoiding how to develop the characters more fully. You used lots of clever bets and such to make things light but I think of if I would want to have a long term relationship with any of these women and I'm left with a "no" answer. And romance should leave you wanting to be with a character, not flee them.
For all the above negatives, you show real promise. Thank you for the work, and for the effort it took to continue posting 'till the end of the story.
I have enjoyed this story and hope you continue to write more about Dycke and Payne the EarlyYears
... of a Robin Williams show. You never know which way things are going to go but it is hilarious every time.
I would really enjoy reading about the time between chapter 14 and when Zoe meets Gordon. You have created a wonderful world with all of these fantacies.
My name is Bill and this is the 2nd story of yours I have read to completion and have loved both. Your depth of knowledge is astounding. One theme I have found in these 2 story lines which does tend to get a bit wearing is all the snappy retorts. It is not a terrible thing, just seems to be a bit over done. All the "I'm going to kill you" could be toned down but this is simply an observation. As to anonymous, ignore him\her as what they are pointing out, simple trying errors, is pointless, at least to me. You asked a few times for favourite characters. As this story was finished a few years ago I did not think you desired my vote right away. Fiona would have to be mine. You allowed her character to exhibit many if not all qualities I would find to be the most desirable in a woman. While we will never meet, I would have considered it an honour to meet you and develop a friendship. I live and work in the UK though I am American and here there is an advert on the telly for a beer featuring one main character who is told to be "The most interesting man in the world". I think I would find you to be the same kind of man. I am looking forward to delving into the rest of your stories and savour each and every one. Bill
...I did not read the first story until you had written all of them. I would have gone nuts waiting for them over the months.
This was funnier than the movie with almost the same name with the exception of an M instead of a J.
I did however love seeing Dycke run, I did not see Spot but... there had to be a lot messy spots left around the entire City of Charleston.
Now I guess I have to go on to the next serries.
Thank you and the
Eagle gives it the Two Talons up!
In addition to the 5*
" "
throughly enjoyed the story. Very amusing and engrossing
just finished reading it for a second time. held up just as well as the first time.
If you are still writing I again offer to edit whatever you want to send me. You write wonderful stories.
Why, are there, so, many commas? If you're still writing please work with an editor. It would make your stories easier and more enjoyable to read; they would flow better.
I've now read all but one of your series and have really enjoyed them all. You have a great writing style and your stories are really great. Thanks again for sharing your work with all of us
Hope you are feeling better. I have really enjoyed reading your work. Waiting for more from you. JT
I think that it's hard to comment on a great story. It's one of the best I have read. I look forward to read your other stories. I usually read stories in cronological order so I can see how authors writing improves. The next story should be great. Autocorrect keeps on killing me.
Thank you,
Keith Gardner Jr.
Just reread this series and it is as good as I remembered .It is also the only one that I gave five stars to every chapter .
The Story was excellent, but if Lunarose edited it, then find a new editor. Over 50% of the apostrophes were
mis-placed or omitted. For example " its' " does not happen anywhere in the English language
OMG What a mind you have to write such a wonderful story. A follow up would be great.
Gee, I've read this at !east 6 times. I'm still bugged by your THEN habit of using commas for every, verbal, pause. Obviously not enough to quit reading. Very much enjoyed the story. I may have read everything you've posted, More than once. I think that I will re-read Why I Hate the Guy From the FBI" next. It's sort of important to get all the background on the characters you will meet in the "There Must Be a Mistake" series...
I kind of wish there was a "like" button for posted comments. I don't want or need the ego stroking, but sometimes you read a comment and want to say "Yeah! What he said!" Thank you Anonymous / Keith Gardener Jr!