by xelliebabex
Love it! *grins* Can't wait to read chapter two when you have it completed... *lil wink*
This was definitely a cute read, how most parties, that I've been to (not for me) ... It was sweet and the showed that the sad puppy who lost his best friend needs to find his way at some-point. Very subdued compared to your other stories :-)
A guy having not a great day. It did seem really stupid that he simply didn't sue Maddy for her expenses. It would have been a slam dunk in Court as the recipes and her signatures would have been all he needed to get a judgment and some revenge on her. But this whole story was kind of pointless. He has a gay brother. So what? That whole thing seemed like something thrown in to expand the story length. And what kind of idiot just leaves his car by the side of the road? Once the Police were involved the car was either getting towed or getting impounded. And then came the mercy fuck with the dumb blond. How cliche'. It seemed totally out of character for him to fall into the bed with the bimbo. At the end, and I'm betting there is no second chapter since you have a tendency towards this type of thing in previous postings, this was just not very interesting or entertaining.
Did not get me all hot and bothered, but it was certainly a cute enough story, and a pleasant read. Thanks.
A nice start with a perhaps obvious sweet and romantic Chapter 2 to follow? I do like Ellie's stories.
Just to play spelling police for a moment, Ellie: Pointing through the 'widescreen' to see a cat takes some doing in a car, neighbours 'peaking' from behind curtains would be interesting, and 'breaking' the car to minimise damage seems extreme. (Sorry to be a smartarse, but your use of English is usually so good.)
L
Who pissed in your cornflakes? This was a great story. Lighten up and hope chapter two is just as good!
Chapter 1 held promise of sweet things to come.
I realise you have a life to live beyond writing, but this is important. With a score of 5.7, your readers are obviously impressed with the story so far. Don't leave us waiting too long.
L
Great story, but a little editing would really make it better.
Omitting the question mark after a question is just lazy, and spelling
errors are distracting.
Nice plot twists. I'd like to see Chapter 2. Maybe one of the firefighters will fall for the brother, and the girl with the damaged car can have a romp with our main character.
Ha, loved your expansion on this epic little piece of advertising brilliance.
Oh and Anonymous commenter, not every fkn story has to occur in the USA. Some countries do just leave their cars off the road if not driveable, and bugger me, there are places without tow trucks around the corner, and not everyone litigates. FFS, lighten up!
definitely in the correct category.
It is amazing how egocentric personalities can get in the way of real life. The full spectrum of weirdness was represented and made into an interesting jigsaw puzzle.
well done
I know this was just a fluff piece. As far as it went it was well done. Just for fun, if you found the time, we could dig deeper into all their lives.
And worse, he didn't humiliate that stuck up bitch in spectacular fashion.
Three questions for a sequel. Did Liz learn he was straight and go after him? Did he connect with Rachel? Did Maddy try to reconnect? This is a good story, enjoyed!!
??? Where is the other 4/5ths of the story?
If you are posting a story fragment, you should mention that in the preamble.
I like your writing otherwise.
Cute, but that never happens to me. I get the gay guys that keep trying to convince me that there is a gay guy inside me just trying to get out. Does that line ever work?
Someone called this a story fragment. It is not that. It is an old literary device to leave off a short story right where a universe of possibilities lay before the readers imaginations. You may not like this type of ending, but is still a proper story. Think of the ending to a lot of Twilight Zone episodes. There was never time and space to read. People were always getting in his way. Disaster strikes. He is the last person alive and has nothing but time for reading! Then he drops his glasses and they break. The End. 'But wait, what happened next?'
I just read this again, a year later. I was so wrong. Where is the rest of the story? I sounded like a pretentious twit.
Rollercoaster rides are nit cheap and don’t expect its all the way just fun ….. but this ‚hey you as….le just nearly killed my cat now help me bringing her down‘attitude, is pretty 🤮 …. Its always hard to find the sun, then its raining down hard