by geronimo_appleby
i must congratulate u on a well written story,i do think its worthy of further chapters if u decide to go that way,especially since u leave us at the end hanging for more
It's well written and could certainly develop into a series worth reading.
this is a story worth continuing. you've got to tell us what happens to Helen.
GA, I agree with everyone else, this needs to be continued. This first chapter is a scorching build-up! Keep writing, I can't wait to see what you put poor Helen through.
Please do continue! <i>Over the course of the next hour, with Matthew so close, Helen felt herself growing more uncomfortable. The pulse between her thighs grew insistent. Her clitoris throbbed with a life of its own. Then, her traitorous nipples added a further aching beat to her body's synchrony.</i> Very vivid description of Helen's arousal, of the way she physically responds to this predatory male (human?). <br><br>
You are doing a great job of making me almost like the protagonist, even while I know his intentions do not bode well for poor Helen! I can hardly wait for the next installment!
...need to know where this story goes from here. Chapter 2 a.s.a.p. please Mr Appleby!!
Fine, mighty damn fine..... I'd certainly get soggier and more fidgety reading another helping of this, GA! :-D
Anneski
i adore paranormal novels.these two characters are so fleshed out,i can see them in my minds eye.you've give us both points of view with so many delicious details.please sire,you definitely need to continue on with this wicked tale.your newest fan...
Good lord. You are an amazing writer. I will end it there. Definitely a favorite.
Xoxo,
Nightingale
I really don't think that a woman will allow a man to treat her that way on their first time alone.
One thing I have noticed is that you use way to many descriptive words in each sentence and your average reader won't know what half of them are. The ninety-five cent words will have them grabbing for a dictionary and stopping the flow of the story itself.
You do not need to impress anyone with every descriptive word you can find; one here and there during a paragraph is fine.
Remember that many readers, specially the "Anonymous," will only be using this for spank material and rarely appreciate the creativity of the mind.
I love to be impressed by a story line that continues. So saying, I do hope you continue this story. Good luck and great job!