by mypenname3000
Hot so far but If it goes the route of watersports, it would be a travesty
I've been really liking this but you seem committed to bringing in watersports to the story. Not my cup of tea personally but it will most likely make or break this story for most readers so I wish you luck.
I think you are wrong, humiliation is part of bdsm. including water sport. keep going it's great
Okay, okay...author, you really need to edit your stories, and check your grammar..I am noticing a few more errors the longer you go on...please refrain from falling further into a "bad habit"...
Now, on to real business...the NASTY incest story you are carrying on...I love this thing...
Next, you really should be more aware of how female anatomy and physiology work, the basics...a man DOES NOT JUST JAM HIS DICK INTO A VIRGIN AND NOT EXPECT CONSEQUENCES...INJURY TO THE GIRL INVOLVED!D. I am all about defloration and the dom-sub thing (to a point)...but you are looking more and more like you have an issue with women...which I hope is not the actual situation for you...
Keep up the good work...love the premise...
The story started off great but now it is repetitious, hate to say it but reminds me way too much of silkstockinglover's stories and that makes me want to poke my eyes out with a fork. You aren't writing anything new in the story, just rehashing the same words with a different sister.
I think it’s a great story. One part I dislike in this chapter is the popsicle scene. The popsicles would eventually, and this is supposed to be incest not BDSM. Humiliation is ok, but I’m not a water sports fan. Overall very good.
I'm finding these stories very arousing. It's fun that the author is uploading a ton of stuff that he has written a while ago, so we get a new chapter each day and also multiple stories, if you have the time to read them...
And although I am not personally keen on incest, the taboo nature of that is a turn-on. I am a little put off by the underlying misogyny in these stories, but I realize that a lot of porn has that in its foundations, and it's not overdone here. What is overdone is the stretching of credibility way past anything reasonable, but that's the nature of fiction, right?
And the comments above are hilarious for the commenters begging the author not to introduce "water sports". These commenters can handle any sort of deviant sexual behaviour, but not urination. I guess it takes all types...
And the stories were already written; as if their pleas for "no water sports" would have had any effect. LOL. Literally.
Nope. Lost it. Still within likely the first 24 hours of the story and all it is is repeated sex scenes. There’s no “man of the house” as they aren’t doing anything to get their lives in order. Even in fantasy it doesn’t happen like that. This guy went from bashful with his cousin to big dick energy guy that has sex all day, in one day. I’ve seen better stories from 2 girls 1 cup.
one thing I absolutely love about this story is that all the women so far were virgins, even the mothers have only ever been with the father
Wow...
You took what could have been a great plotline and ruined it (repeatedly) with obnoxious side-stuff.
Watersports are super-niche (go look for the tags on this site!). That tells you something.
The S&M stuff...those popsicles could actually cause internal damage. That is NOT funny or cute and definitely NOT 'sexy'. AT ALL.
Your grammar is sub-par at best. No reason to not fix it...get help, use a program, learn the English language better, don't be lazy...many options.
Along the "don't be lazy" lines...
Maybe not just barely/slightly rewrite the same scenes, over and over. We can tell, trust us.
Stop with the weird impregnating stuff. Who ACTUALLY has a fantasy of having five women (or more!) all pregnant with their kids? Are you all Mormons?
Similarly...why does every harem fantasy have to devolve into the same quasi-1950s American dystopia of "strong men taking charge of 'all of THEIR women'"? Did mommy not hug you dudes enough when you were little? Why can't a guy (if in a harem setting) just get multiple women because he is a GOOD GUY? Your dude is a thug and an immature one at that. Also, even for fantasy (but not the magical kind), him going from wilting virgin to "ME STRONG MAN, MAKE WOMEN SLAVES" is hilariously unrealistic. (Yes, yes, he had 'the Dream', where dead daddy tells him to boink his mommy for him...like a dude who had a harem would EVER tell another male to take him harem, even if he was dead...SO not happening.)
I tried, buddy...I made it this far, held my comments, but I'm out. Too farfetched, poorly written and trope-tastic to keep going.
You clearly DO have some fans who have the lower standards you need to get the pats on the head you so crave.
As long as you realize you will never, if you write like THIS, be more than a free-use hack, that is all that matters.