by 1rndm1
wonderfull, her inner struggle and his determination!! it works so well.
very nicely done for a first piece. now for the next chapter!!
That sums up this chapter. The sheer intensity of both characters and the battle lines drawn in their relationship is excellently conveyed.
Jerzy has declared war on Jac and appears to have won the first battle. A very impressive start. Excellent job for your first work. It had the same passion you described in Jerzy's work.
Well done!
This has such a quiet intensity that drove the whole piece. I'm completely impressed by this as a first submission. Now all that would make this absolutely perfect is ... MORE!!!
Beautiful and intense. This story walks the fine razors edge of fear and desire.
Wow, I cant wait for more.
They are impossible, but you make them credible. A tour de force.
I just stumbled on your works because i opened Jazzcullen's favourites. And this is a good story, its soo intense and still i can enjoy the romance. Thank you for posting it here.
... but i have to say that this was fantastic. Such emotion, and the way his art and her own need for love is chipping away at the shell of apathy she has constructed around her self. Briliant!!!!!!!!!!
…on your first story!
I personally loved the balance you created in Jerzy and Jac. Especially Jerzy. He could have been a really hard character, but you did a fabulous job and having him skirt that overly controlling scary man line, but didn’t cross it. He’s sensitive, thoughtful and very intuitive to be able to pick up on what he did and do what he did with a certain romance involved.
Your writing managed to keep him attractive and Jac vulnerable. What a tremendous first chapter to an incredible story!
Such strong emotions! I could feel how swept up and passionate these two are about each other. Even though she is in denial of the intense feelings she has for him, you were really able to capture her desire and confusion from it. They are both so determined and yet conflicted at the same time. I really enjoyed their battle to assert themselves with each other. There is nothing easy or timid about either of these two and I'm very much looking forward to the outcome of their struggle. Great job! :)
This was simply amazing! I loved their interplay! I can literally feel the plastic of upper crust LA under the fabric of this story, juxtaposed against the organic raw passion played out between the characters. Did I mention I love Jac and Jerzy's building interaction? This story was anything but formulaic, and you have a serious gift for writing. Keep it up.... ~Sushi Taco
HI, I love this story so far. The build up is great and the language as well.
I hope you don`t end it too soon.
Thanks
Your writing has a very Ayn Rand element to it that I enjoy.
You have a fan in me.
5 stars. This is brilliant, classic work. You have a gift which I thank you for sharing. I am excited to continue on with the story.
perhaps my favorite on this site. Having been with some brutal, cold, and glorious men, youve gotten down that feeling of bitterness and joy and lust and shame and all that good stuff.
ugh, please! more!
Let's be honest-- erotic stories are often not well written. But this is really good! Kudos to the author, and good luck in your writing career. I think you really have what it takes to be a writer. (I.e., I think you could make a living doing this-- of course, you'd have to broaden your range of topics :-) Best of luck to you.
Fabulous--work on the earlier dialogue. The thoughts are believable but utterances need to be made more natural-sounding. Really appreciate a subtle story on the forum.
I am very impressed by your writing skills. You managed to create an exquisitely erotic tale before any physical interaction even came into play. And the emotion you invoked! It's incredible! In my mind, the writing here is better than many 'professional authors' who do this for a living. I am so excited to see more work from you.
You are a natural. I've read many stories in my life, and many are exciting, but most just feel ..."cheap". But you, your writing is erotic, and beautiful. Definitely keep going; I cannot wait to see what else you will come up with in the future.
I've read many stories on here...for years..and this is the first comment I have written. I absolutely loved this story... the character build-up was fantastic, the description of the power-games left me panting and wanting more. You are a great author! Thank you so much for this story!
I've read many stories but your talent is one I have not seen before and is unparalleled. I wish your work were more widely known and easier to find; I myself wish I could have found your work earlier.
I hesitate to say this story is dark and twisted, but it has a depth that's new and refreshing in and outside of erotic literature.
Absolutely love this story!! To say, that this story Kicks ass is A major understatement!! I love the chemistry between Jac and Jerzy...They are both cold And ruthless yet together their emotions and their love and passion for each other is Simply perfect...LOVE YOUR WORK!! Please write some more...
Although it did not lead quickly to a sexual scene, the story was incredibly captivating to me. The climax of this chapter was intense and was not obvious like many other stories (especially in this category) are. This has been the best plot I've read so far. I would definitely reread this Chapter even though the suspense would be depleted. And FYI, I'm a long time reader of Literotica stories, and this is the first time I've ever bothered to post a comment. Great job, keep it up.
I visit this site often. But I actually went ahead and created an account, just so I could add this to my favorites & add you as my favorite author.
She said, "...again, if you want ME to remain a part of this blah blah shallow world of yours." But Johnathan seems to react as if she said "...me (to allow you) to remain a part..." You know? Either way, I was left feeling bad for Johnathan...I mean...give the guy a break, will ya Jac? Is he really so terrible? Shoot. Anyway, magnificent tale. Was riveted, start to finish.