All Comments on 'NewU Pt. 04a'

I have to wait for the next chapter to drop lol great work sir looking forward to the next :)

This is a good story well told, I look forward to reading more please keep up the good work.

Looking forward to the villains of the piece appearing.

Yes, you could use an editor but the errors are easy enough to read through.

Love the plot, keep going.

Thanks for another chapter NewU! I'm enjoying the slow burn, and you've definitely advertised it as such, so don't pay any attention to those who complain about pacing. The flashes Pete got from Becky while they were having sex were honestly pretty hot and I suspect that you'll deliver the goods when the time is right.

My only issues with this chapter are minor. First, in a story about mind control, you've already got an audience who's ready to suspend disbelief, but I believe that you'll get more mileage out of that if you keep the rest of the story grounded in facts and truths. The incredible bits are more flashy when the rest of the story is relatable to your audience. So in what world does a doctor NOT tell the patient in detail about their catastrophic injuries? Injuries that could be exacerbated by the simple act of sitting up. I know you used it as a plot point, but I would have liked to see a more creative but still probable solution to get the tests run.

Second, you've built a fun character in Pete. He smart, decent looking and honest, but lacks self confidence around women. His best friend is a playboy but Pete doesn't judge him. He has issues with his parents, but he isn't a pushover, as we saw in the last chapter. You've made a character who is relatable. However I felt like you cheated Pete's superior intellect when he suddenly didn't understand what Professor Jacobs was saying. There wasn't anything particularly difficult about the sentence. Maybe the specifics, like the three options, could be something he didn't know. But to say that he didn't understand "deferral on the semester due to unforeseeable extenuating circumstances"...I don't buy it.

Again, these are minor details, but I think they are nonetheless important and hopefully help you in the future.

Cheers!

Another well written part, and I am looking forward to seeing where the story goes!

The ideas and mechanics of his powers are really enjoyable! Keep up the good work!

write faster damn you

I’m always pleasantly surprised when I stumble on stories on Lit that aren’t just incredibly hot, but I genuinely enjoy reading. I can’t wait for your next update!

in no way helped by new newly realized need for extra rest...

SHOULD BE:

in no way helped by *my* newly realized need for extra rest...

It’s nice to know you thought about including the real life situation going on during this time and decided to leave it out of the story.

Your writing is so entertaining on many levels and to find something that can make people forget about the real world for any amount time is greatly appreciated by myself at least. As per usual, the story is moving along well and I cannot wait for the next chapters.

J.D.

Keep up the great work. I’m genuinely excited to see this story progress further!

What a fun read,I’m looking forward to the next chapter in the series and all the various directions these characters can go and how Pete and his family plays out.

The long delays between chapters is hurting you. You’ve got a great story going, but making your readers wait so long for the next chapter makes it difficult to stay interested.

Really enjoying it thanks.

Four well-written chapters in only one month. Impressive. I look forward to more.

My only complaint is that I'm done with this chapter and have to wait for the next.

Well done and certainly well written. Thank you!

Short and sharp, keeping it flowing. 5 stars

I know that this is wish fulfillment fantasy. And well written. My only criticism is true for the genre and has to do with the nature of the Powers and the character of the main protagonist. What jolted me out of my suspension of disbelief was the power to be successful in the first attempt and the effects this would have on the development and character of any a person or an enterpris

I'm loving this, sure there's sex, but more I importantly for me, a story.

As Henwyn said, it's sometimes too easy to fall into the trap of giving a power that makes someone so grossly overpowered everything else can become almost zero challenge and I feel that the "instant success" power, would fall into that, because it could be applied to almost any task that could be a challenge and the MC now knows he can always use that power if he needs to.

While I do think you may run into problems in later chapters by giving your protagonist too much power too quickly, I want to commend you on your worldbuilding. I think you've done a good job of introducing the reader to the sci-fi/magical elements you want without either drowning them in detail or glossing over useful details in order to get past the exposition.

You’re aware of the pitfalls of “god mode sue” so I’ll just add to the list of those concerned about some of the potential powers.

A couple of typos in this one…

“…there is one more hole and a perfectly good cleavage…” should be “…there is one more hole and perfectly good cleavage…”

"…intact enough to allow limited movement, but too damaged to communicate sensation -- in this case, sever pain." SEVERE pain

Love the world buildup. My quibble is similar to what others have said. Too much power is being attributed and too quickly too. Fought some dis elide from me even though I’ve bought into the overall premise.

Hence 4 stars and not 5.

Still a great read.

One comment though, he had his accident 8 weeks before coming out of his coma, why was his broken arm still mending. And the other bones still needing to be nursed. Most limb breaks heal in about 6 weeks, so all his breaks should be healed, yet from the way the staff are treating him it would appear the accident was only a couple of days ago. So here he is still in a cotton wool cocoon so he doesn't damage his broken bones after 8 weeks of healing..

Still a lot of info dump, and honestly a bit more superman than expected - no flaws can get boring. Still, a fun ride.