All Comments on 'Owning a Maid Harem Ch. 13'

I've read 4 of your story series now. And I think you're pretty good at thinking up a plot. But your sex writing really needs a lot of work.

So many times, in just this story itself, I see repeated phrases

"It was such an incredible rush to see her sucking on me"

A paragraph later...

"It was such an incredible rush to have her blowing me"

A paragraph later...

"It was an amazing delight to see her sucking on me"

Like, dude. We get it already. Another phrase I've seen a lot is: "The ache swelled and swelled at the tip of my cock. I would just baste her with my jizz"

I get that because you write so many sex scenes there's bound to be some repetition, but even within the same scene I've seen phrases repeated multiple times. And because you write sex so frequently, it just gets insanely repetitive.

If you can maybe find a way to fix that, I think you'd be able to reach a lot more people

13 chapters in, and I’ve seen barely any further development of the plot. There’s way too many girls to give a shit about anymore. The sex scenes are repetitive. I think you’ve lost your way and your Audience with this path.

Little less sex an a bit more plot movement would really help this story

I like this series, but as others have mentioned, the sex scenes are so repetitive that I find myself skimming past a lot of it trying to get to plot movement. I really like the plot and what you’re doing with this series, but the sex scenes are a bit too much and very repetitive.

More plot please.

Explore Cali

The Mansion

The artwork

Presumably, even your protagonist, Lance, has thoughts not involving his prick?

I’m pass the stage now we’re I’m skipping passed the sex scenes just to get to the actual storyline if you call it that. This author has ruined this story for me which I may add could’ve been a bloody brilliant story by over the top sex scenes ,far too many characters and stagnant plot. So to stop any further waste of time reading the next twenty five or so I assume boring characters I’m just going to fast forward to the last character to see this disappointing story ends….☹️

If I read one more "cunt clench" I'm gonna scream. Author... please pick up a thesaurus. This story could have been so much more, but I think Author was on auto pilot when he wrote this (and it's definitely a he).

Aside from the vapid, repetitive prose... which could basically be copied and pasted from one chapter to the next just change the character names... the characters are particularly shallow. Sure okay, the girls might have nothing on going in there, but the MC too... appears to have nothing going on inside. Okay it's smut so I should give it some benefit of the doubt... but even smut moves from the sex scenes, through some prose to more sex scenes.

Author, you have way too many random people fucking endlessly while constantly narrating their own repetitive sex activity to each other. The reader stopped caring about anybody since you supplied zero character development and scarcely any plot advancement beyond adding more women to the harem. Even the Maid-This and Master-Brother nonsense has simply become annoying to read. The only mysterious female in the story seems to have been forgotten for several chapters and Lance has had the least sexual contact with her despite her being the most novel and exotic lover he could hope to have an interest in. He's boned all his blood relatives by now so the incest angle is old-hat like eating rib eye steak for lunch a hundred days in a row. I halfway suspect these stories are made with some kind of low-grade AI assistance due to the heavily repeated awkward phrases about sour taste of ass-plowing dick, bowels and so forth. The concept of how the harem was going to accumulate and it's purpose for existing were both intriguing ideas. Sadly, you've done nothing to flesh that out yet.