Something Snapped Inside

To my dismay, she disappeared early Sunday morning. With my suspicions still running high, I demanded where she had been, especially as she was dressed smartly.

"Mom asked me to go to church with her," she told me. With the quietness in her voice and the look of chastisement she had, I guessed her mom ripped her a new one. I wondered how much her mom knew. Her mom had a strong moral code, which at times I struggled with, but I did respect her for it. You always knew where you stood. Except for our children who were gifts from heaven who could do no wrong. I suppose all grandparents have a blind spot with their grandchildren.

I think Brooke's mom told her to give me space because she didn't push to talk to me or win me over. I think the enormity of the situation had now hit home.

On Monday morning, we got ready for work and barely spoke to each other. Brooke looked nervous. As well as she should have after the marital drama, we had performed for everyone at the party.

Around mid-morning, I got a call from Brooke,

"What," I answered my phone curtly.

"Ant, can you come home? I need to talk to you," there was sadness in her voice. Brooke was normally a confident woman but since the party she was anything but.

"Can't it wait until tonight?" I demanded. I was still angry, and I still wasn't sure where our marriage was heading.

"It's important. I need to talk to you before the children come home from school."

"Fine! I'll be at home at lunchtime," I snapped before I hung up.

When I got home, I found that Brooke had prepared me lunch. She had been busy because she had bought and made some of my favourite foods. She made far too much for the both of us to eat.

"Don't worry, I made it for you. You can take the rest to work with you for lunch this week," she reassured me. She looked sad and worried.

"You wanted to talk to me," I reminded my wife flatly.

"I'm sorry, Ant," she began. "I am so sorry. I messed up. I let some asshole flatter me into nearly destroying our marriage and family."

"Why?" I asked, "Why did you?" I demanded.

"I just liked the attention. Being made to feel attractive."

"Didn't I do that for you?"

"Yes, but it was different when Xander did it because he was not you. I hear it all the time from you but hearing it from someone who wasn't you made me feel good."

"Is that all it took for you to have an affair? A bit of flattery."

A look of shame crossed her face. Saying it out loud made her realise how weak she had been, but she still protested, "I didn't have an affair!"

"Really? You spent months having lunches, and drinks after work with him like they were dates. The way you dressed for him and danced with him at the party while you left me hanging and humiliated like I meant nothing to you. It sounds like an affair. How do I," I took a deep breath as my emotions got the better of me and I asked again, "How do I know you haven't slept with him? We've barely had sex for months."

My expression must have changed because Brooke's changed too. Instead of seeing a furious husband who wanted answers, she saw how I was feeling. The pain I felt was nothing I had ever felt before. I was physically hurting.

"I promise you, I never slept with him."

"How can I be sure?"

"Because I love you!"

"It didn't look like it at the party. It hasn't felt like it for months. Why should I believe you?"

"Because I am here desperately fighting for our marriage! I'm having lunch with you and not Xander. Words cannot express how stupid I've been and how sorry I am! I even quit my job today."

"You quit your job?" that surprised me, Brooke loved her job.

"I had to. When I arrived, I was hauled into HR. They told me what happened at the party was unacceptable and that Xander wanted to press charges against you."

"He obviously hasn't," I responded hesitantly with a little worry. "I haven't been arrested yet."

Brooke gently shook her head, "And he won't. It turned out that someone filmed everything and posted it online."

She then showed me a video online titled, "This Is How You Deal with A Cheating Skanks AP." I watched the video and couldn't help but smile when I saw myself floor Xander Coulsen, but it didn't show the punch Xander Coulsen threw at me. I then read the comments and they were very complimentary to me but very much less so towards Brooke and Xander Coulsen.

"HR said I had put the firm in a very difficult position and caused them a lot of embarrassment because the video created a lot of media interest. They said they didn't want it to go to court because the company would look bad but then again Xander had brought in a lot of money since he joined the firm, so they needed him placated. They forced me to choose, either to let Xander prosecute you or quit so they could say they had dealt with the matter internally."

"Brooke, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to lose your job. That was a shitty thing to happen," I said seeing how she was thrown under the bus because she was the junior employee even though Xander Coulsen was just as responsible.

"Don't be sorry. It was an easy decision to make. I told you that I am fighting for our marriage and you. I think what you did saved it. It made me realize that I had been taking you for granted for a long time and I had got lost in all the attention Xander was giving me. I did enjoy seeing you fight for me, though," Brooke smiled excitedly.

"I didn't fight for you. I fought for my self-respect," I told her with my anger returning. Brooke looked crushed on hearing it wasn't for her.

"Before I left," she continued. "I got a number for a marriage counsellor from the divorce lawyers at the firm that they use, and I have booked us an appointment. I am also going to find a therapist for me. I need to work on myself. I can't afford to do this again. I can't lose what we have and the thought of you divorcing me is terrifying."

I have to say I was blown away and she had left me speechless. Since the party, I wasn't convinced Brooke hadn't fully understood what she had done but they say actions speak louder than words and she had just put me and our marriage first without a thought for herself.

When I didn't respond, she pleaded tearfully, "Please say something," desperate for an acknowledgement of her efforts.

It was now I just broke down. All the emotions I held inside that were fuelling my anger came out and I just broke down and cried.

Brooke came to me and wrapped her arms around me, "I am so sorry. I love you. You made me the luckiest woman in the world, and I treated you like it wasn't enough. I will do anything to fix this. I never meant to hurt you."

She lifted my head and for the first time since the party, we kissed.

Marriage Counseling

Of all the things Brooke did to save our marriage, arranging the marriage counselling was the most important. It highlighted problems in our marriage that we never knew were there.

"Mr and Mrs Williamson, why have you come to see me? How can I help you?" the therapists asked after greeting us.

Brooke answered first with shame and tears in her eyes, "I allowed myself to get caught up in the flattery of a man called Xander Coulsen and I had an affair with him," admitting for the first time that she did have an affair. That admission was important to me. She then proceeded to explain what happened in the months before the party and the events during and after the party. "I've had time to think about it all and I am grateful for Ant for punching Xander because with the way I was behaving, I probably would have slept with him, and I didn't even realize it. I've been so blind to myself and what Xander was doing. Thank you, Ant, you saved our marriage."

"Your remorse is commendable, Brooke. Are you still seeing this Xander Coulsen?" the therapist asked.

Brooke shook her head, "I was forced to leave my job. They threw me under the bus to protect Xander. I was forced to choose between leaving my job or allowing Xander to have Ant prosecuted. I couldn't allow that, so it was an easy choice." Brooke smiled at me as she took my hand into her own, and I felt that our marriage may just have a chance.

"How do you feel about your affair now, Brooke?" the therapist asked.

"I deeply regret it. I am also ashamed that I needed Ant and my mom to tell me what I did wrong."

"Your mom?" I asked confused.

"One of my mom's friends is married to someone who works at the firm. Mom knew what had happened before we got home," Brooke confessed. "She made me go to church with her to pray for forgiveness from God and you, Ant. She then told me how ashamed she was of me, and that you didn't deserve what I did to you. She made me realise that whether I meant to hurt you or not wasn't important and it doesn't let me off the hook. The only important thing was that I did hurt you, Ant, and I had come so close to destroying our marriage and family with a man who won't commit to anyone," she then began to sob.

"Anthony, why did you punch Xander?"

"Something just snapped inside me. Brooke is my world, and I will do anything for her, but I just couldn't take being humiliated like that. If our marriage was going to end, then it wasn't going to end with me just walking away quietly. Xander Coulsen was easy to bait. Call him stupid and he loses it," I just shrugged my last comment.

"Hmm, he sounds like a narcissist," the therapist commented which made Brooke give a small whimper as she came to another realization that she nearly destroyed our marriage and family for someone who was bad news. "Why do you think that you had an affair with Xander Coulsen, Brooke?"

"I don't know, I think I started to fall out of love with, Ant. Xander was interested in me, and he said all the right things to make me feel attractive and desired."

That confession floored me. Nothing hurts a husband more than hearing that his wife no longer loves him.

"Why?" I croaked. "I gave you everything you ever wanted."

"I don't know," Brooke almost wailed.

"You must know!" I insisted.

"I don't, it just happened. I never planned it."

"That's not good enough, Brooke. Give me a reason!" my frustration was making me sound angry.

"Oh God! I wish I knew, but I don't!"

Before I could reply, the therapist thankfully stepped in,

"I think I can see what happened. Brooke, do you feel that Anthony gives in too easily to you and his efforts no longer make you feel special and appreciated? Did you ever worry that he wouldn't be able to protect your family?"

Brooke nodded guiltily.

"Anthony, before you punched Xander, what boundaries did you have with Brooke?"

"I don't understand," I replied blankly.

"What behaviour from Brooke wouldn't you have tolerated?"

"I still don't understand."

"Since the party and Anthony punching Xander, how do you feel about Anthony?"

"I feel like I have fallen in love with him all over again," she smiled excitedly.

The therapist just smiled and nodded.

"What's going on," I demanded. It felt like there was some big secret that I didn't know about.

"Anthony, you are a nice guy, at least you were until you punched Xander."

"I know I am a nice guy," I didn't like where this conversation was heading. It felt like I was getting blamed for what Brooke did.

"It wasn't a compliment, Anthony, and a nice guy isn't a good thing to be," the therapist explained. "Brooke began to fall out of love with you because you gave in too easily to her and you didn't have any boundaries with her. It is an unattractive quality for women. That allowed Brooke to take you for granted. Deep down Brooke probably didn't notice what was happening until recently, but it was more than likely happening over a few years.

"I'm not absolving Brooke of her responsibility for her affair. I am glad she is showing remorse, but she still needs to own her actions and acknowledge the hurt and pain she has caused you. She should have talked to you and faced up to her feelings.

"What I am saying is Brooke stopped feeling that you could protect her and her children. To her, Xander felt like he would have, although, in reality, he would never have any intention of doing so. It is almost a primordial response, built-in women. When you stood up for yourself and punched Xander, you pulled Brooke back to you. What made the bigger impression was you walking away without her afterwards. The idea that she was going to lose the bigger and stronger mate and be left with a weaker one would have been too much for Brooke. She wouldn't have been able to stop herself from chasing after you. I don't condone violence, but I think Brooke is right, it did save your marriage because you proved yourself to be the stronger man."

"Jesus Christ," I muttered. I had no idea about any of this. I felt horrible. I looked at my wife who took my head in her hands and kissed me for emotional support as she could see how I felt.

"Don't take responsibility for my affair," she whispered to me.

"What boundaries do I need to set with Brooke," I asked the therapist innocently.

"I can't answer that, Anthony," the therapist told me firmly. "Only you can know that. Think about your values. What do you find unacceptable in ways people treat you that you won't stand for? I will give you some exercises to help you."

When we got home Brooke almost dragged me to the bedroom and we had sex. Brooke was almost possessed. It felt like there wasn't anything she wouldn't do as we had the most passionate sex in years.

"Wow!" I said afterwards. "I wasn't expecting that. What got into you?"

"I don't know," she replied as she ran her hands lustily over my body. "It was something I just needed to do."

We then began to talk and talk in a way we hadn't done since before the children were born. We told each other of our emotional needs and what we wanted from our marriage. We both agreed to start going on dates again, whenever we could get a babysitter because we both felt we were losing our identity as a couple and were more mom and dad than husband and wife.

"There is one other thing I want," Brooke told me as we came to the end of our conversation. "I want to be able to dance with you without you stepping on my toes."

"Maybe I should get some dancing lessons," I conceded. "We could go together and practice at home."

Brooke kissed me passionately, "Thank you. I know dancing isn't your thing, but it would mean so much to me if we could dance together once in a while."

Working for a Future

Our marriage felt like it was on stronger ground again and we became more devoted to each other. Our dead bedroom sparked alive once more to have sex three or four times a week which was still less than before we had children, but I think it is enviable for parents of two small children.

I worked hard on my boundaries with Brooke, and I learnt to say no to her when I didn't approve of something. It surprised her at first and she fought me on occasion as she adjusted to the new me, but she did admit to me that I appeared stronger and more attractive.

It was good that our marriage was improving because when she went to therapy to find out why she had her affair, she was forced to look into herself, what she saw deeply affected her.

"The therapist says I have a lot of insecurities mainly about my looks. I know it is shallow, but I loved it at school and being popular and the center of attention. Everyone watching me wherever I went. Knowing all the boys loved me and the girls were jealous of me because I was so beautiful. It was like a drug but when I returned from college, no one saw me in the same way and I suddenly felt ordinary, and I couldn't handle it."

"How long have you felt like this?" I asked with confusion.

"I know it is hard to understand for you because you were a nerd at school. I think it was at the party after which you gave me a ride home and asked me out when I first began to feel that way," Brooke took a big breath and wiped away a tear. "It is a lot harder than I thought to admit this," she said with a nervous laugh. "Do you remember that my date left me and kissed a friend of mine? It crushed me. I'm Brooke and I'm beautiful. Boys were supposed to be grateful just to talk to me, but my date left me for another girl right in front of me. Like I did-," she paused and became emotional. "Like I did with you. I couldn't understand it. I didn't know how it could happen to me. What made me feel better was meeting a nerd who asked me out. I didn't mean to say yes, but I did."

"Do you regret agreeing to go out with me?" my heart tightened as I feared the answer.

I needn't have worried because Brooke shook her head and said, "Never! It was the best decision I've ever made. You cast a spell on me. I couldn't sleep that night and I spent it looking for where your martial arts tournament was going to be, I couldn't stay away. It was so exciting watching you and I was so disappointed that you didn't win but I knew that day that the nerd I was watching was going to be my nerd and he has given me the most amazing life."

"Then why did you do it?" I demanded. "Why did you have an affair?"

"Because I am a deeply insecure and shallow person who is obsessed with being popular and desired. That girl from high school is still sitting here with you," and Brooke began to cry. "All it took was someone to flatter me and make me feel desired to take me down a road where I was going to destroy my wonderful marriage and family," Brooke's crying turned into sobbing. "I am so sorry! I feel so ashamed! I love you, Ant! I love you so much! I don't want to feel like this!"

I put my arm around my wife a let her sob into me. When she calmed down a little, she asked me worriedly, "Are we good now? Are we going stay married?"

That was the question I think she was afraid to ask since I pulled Xander Coulsen away from her.

I took a deep breath and answered honestly, "You hurt me, Brooke. What you did, damaged the trust I had in you. You need to regain that trust and convince me that you will never do it again," I felt Brooke grip me tightly like she was afraid to lose me. "But saying all that, since that night, you have put our marriage first. Your actions have shown me that. If you keep doing what you are doing and make sure you never do it again, I can see a day where I can fully trust you again and that is important because if I couldn't, I wouldn't have been able to stay married to you."

I felt a great tension leave Brooke when I said that. She raised her head and looked me in the eye, "I promise you that I never slept with or kissed Xander. If you can prove that I did, I will happily let you divorce me. But I know you never will be able to because it never happened." She said it with so much certainty and confidence that I had to believe her. "My therapist said my affair was an emotional one because Xander satisfied an emotional need which was to feel desired, nothing more but I never felt anything romantic towards him. God! I sound like a terrible person."

"You're not a terrible person Brooke. You did a very selfish thing but you're not a terrible person," I reassured my wife.

"While I have been dealing with this, I have done a lot of thinking and if it is okay with you, I would like to be a stay-at-home mom. I need to get rid of my insecurities and I don't think I would be able to focus on it if I was working.

"Are you sure? You won't be lonely at home?"

"It will give me a chance to focus on myself. I have always wanted to write a book too so I will give that a try. I know it is selfish of me to make you the sole breadwinner in the family, but I think I need this."

"If it means your focus is putting our family and marriage first then I am happy."

"Thank you, Ant. I love you," and she gave me a soft and loving kiss and smiled.