All Comments on 'Tali's First Job'

I hope this is the first of a multi-story chapter (why does she need the money so badly & so quickly, etc.?). Not sure it's properly in NC/R, since she didn't seem not to be consenting or even to be very unwilling--maybe BDSM or E/V or even Anal?

Looking forward to the next chapter, or the next unrelated story if this is it for this one. Thank you for your nice early efforts.

... and that ultimately is the point. A tried-and-true premise but it made my heart rate pick up for sure, particularly once you really got into the sex. Well done on that and a great start.

Dialogue is a bit crude -- I mean in the technical sense, not the sexual sense -- and for my money it settles way too easily and immediately into the dom-sub cliches (you're aware of this because you actually try to "lampshade" it in the dialogue, but it would be better if you fixed the problem). I'm not just saying this to nitpick; I suspect Tali's desperation for money and the fact that she's doing this basically under duress is why you picked NC/R for this story, and showing more of Tali's conflict, giving us more of a hint of why she needs money so badly, making it more of a struggle for her to submit would bring that out more. And potentially make the sex even hotter.

Great story! Wish there was a 6th star, because 5 didn't seem enough.

I love the detail description of not only the pain she was feeling, but the humiliation and the mental reconciliation of doing what "good girls" don't.

You also wrote it in a non-rapey way, so while reluctant, she was still consenting.

I didn't need to see your name to know this was written by a woman.

Well done!

Thanks for your comments guys, I am working on a next part to the story. I will take what you all said into account and I do appreciate the feedback, It helps a bunch!

Your effort is sound. However, you could use the assistance of an editor. I think that additional polish would finely hone your delivery.