All Comments on 'Taming the Bunny Ch. 03'

I see now why the marriage went south. He overthinks everything and doesn't know when to stop rambling and get to the point of a conversation. She went looking for a guy who doesn't bore her to sleep.

Nobody tell National Geographic, but Mark and Lana just jumped over both a great white shark and a megalodon. They were quickly followed by a fluorescent yellow motorcycle wearing panties and a t-shirt.

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That might sound ridiculous to you, but it wouldn’t to any of these characters.

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You should’ve given this tags for humor and satire, because the dialogue is utterly bonkers among other things… There’s just no realism to what people are saying, or how they are saying it.

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Constructively, an editor would be a real asset for your next story. I know I’d want the second opinion of one if I ever muster up the nerve to publish something on Lit.

Too much talk! No results! One chapter was more than enough for this story! 2*

Dumber than a box of rocks. You should stop while you're behind.

Wow A lot of physic mumbo jumbo in this episode Not sure I agree with it all In my opinion Mark should stay away from this stupid woman and Lana will end up alone and miserable Brian is already wanting to share her (jaybee186)

It's clear that English isn't your first language but even excusing that this story is absolutely rubbish. Take the hint from your scores and stop because you clearly have no ability to write anything even remotely coherent.

Ugh, endless stream of conversation is a slog.

Plus the philosophy here is crap.

He should ditch the fuckbunny, and let the girls have their eventual way with him.

They wouldn't be so casual if they didn't have a breeding plan.

At the moment, Mark's being assessed as breeding stock.

And if he passes, Lana's going to have at least one pregnant competitor to deal with.

Maybe even two.

Let's face it: Lana's fuckin' done.

Oh man, this was painful to read.

In this story is a great story.

I am sorry I thought the dialog between Mark and the girls was generally cringing. Mark comes across as a sexist looser. The girls in their first Couple of sentences warn him to behave then almost immediately start simpering to him.

The line about working in underwear should have come from them !

I still don’t know why Mark is played like he is or why he is just accepting if she ends her relationship he would take her back.

I don’t really like any of the characters in the story so I am struggling to see who I should be supporting as a reader. Currently starting to like Lana more!!!

But I have to say there is genius too. Lana Anal is brilliant. He should just call her that all the time now though. It might get through.

The bunny explanation of why marriage fails is also brilliant.

I do want to see how it develops so please keep writing and though blunt I hope my comments below are seen as helpful.

Why in the world would he eve want her back?

Women are like a bus. If you miss one, another will be along in 15 minutes.

Yes, there's a lot of "babbel" and it could have been a shorter story, more to the point but, hey, it's a story and credit should be given to the author for trying to bring a bit more than that. It would have been much easier to picture Mark to accept her proposal and to go out on the town by himself. A status quo. At least, the Mark here stands by his own principles and values which is not obvious these days in a more and more selfish, materialistic and egocentric society.

The writing is way bonkers. You even had sexually harassing comments in their interview process. Wow, it is all over the place. It hurts to read.

Author has problem with the English language, but that is Ok as the points get across.

The instinct mumbo-jumbo is just stupid and a waste of time as it is pure diatribe without any impact on the story.

If convincing a stubborn partner that it's bad to sleep outside their marriage is like trying to convince a flat Earther the world is round then is it really worth it? If you need to read books and formulate a thesis to convince the partner that refuses to believe that their actions hurts and humiliates you then what's the fucking point? What exactly are you fighting for? Okay, you love them. Who is this person you love? It's someone that stubbornly refuses to believe that what they're doing is destroying the relationship and destroying her partners emotional health. If you love cocaine is the answer to figure out how to mitigate the adverse effects of cocaine addiction?

What the husband is doing is more in line with someone that's a sociopath where the issue is the act of cheating and not the fact that their partners feelings and commitment to them have diminished to the point where they would cheat. So by stopping the cheating they solved their problem.

juvenile

You should stop...seriously

You really need to get an editor. Your structure is there but it needs drastic help. Way to many run-on sentences.

The idea is kind of out there, but as other have suggested, please use an editor and proofreader. Grammatically you're a mess and it takes away from the story.

If this becomes a RAAC, I go back and revise all my ranking to 1 star.

Future cat lady in denial. One wonders when something unexpected happens to Brian or if Brian splits now that he no longer has the fun of fucking a married woman?

Add another suggestion for an editor...

This story is hard to read, seems like you just used an AI program and it spat this out.

This is just cuckold trash written in a very chopped up all dialog narrative that is difficult to follow and no fun to read. The author should get an editor and try to grow a pair of balls.

This is all sounding rather childish in it's layout. The starting of a new Company but him, like some 16 year old teenager, saying he's not telling them what the letters stand for. Then, letting the business be run from the newly renovated house but no rent paid for the business nor the two girls! Oh, Mark does NOT own the property. It was paid for from marital assets and is marital property! He's 42 FFS but is carrying on like a teenager. Also, why invite his slut wife over? He's meant to be getting a divorce. Too ridiculous.

This is stupid babble not even worth a 1

British male no emotion and a freaking wimp, pussy whatever you call it I'm done

Should have divorced the bitch the time she suggested this but no.

Wow, you really assembled the gripers in your comment section.

Your characters have a number of flaws and do not react/communicate realistically all the time.

But your refreshingly different take on things is worth reading your stories.

Please don’t give in to the haters and keep on writing.

I want to follow this story but it is definitely starting to run on

Crazy that he really is thinking of taking her back yet he has done nothing on the side but is told by Lisa he could. It is his wife who wants him to not cheat. Tell the wife to F off and take what you can and divorce.

In addition to the comments about needing an editor. Please, for the love of God, stop writing only in dialog between characters. You need to explain context of what's going on in each scene.

It's possible to figure out who's speaking and what's happening. But the way you are writing, only in quotes from characters, is painfully awkward.

Little additions like: "The next day Mark was interviewing two women from an up and coming small software engineering shop." Would help immensely.

This is so bizarre. Why does he keep talking and telling the slut what he's doing? He's still a wimp. The dialogue is so strange it's hard to follow. Hopefully, he'll start acting like a man and cut the bitch off. He's told her what she needs to do, leave it at that.

Again, how is this readable to normal people? The plotline is vapid, at best. Worse, any value this story has is lost in the awful writing. Scenes change without warning, context, or setting. We see dialogue, and in those rare cases where it is actually punctuated, it is difficult to follow who or what is speaking. Other times, there are quotation marks, and then others appear at seemingly random spots following. There is very little emotion or feeling, much less the frisson that fuels this genre, anywhere in the dialogue. Only through MC's ruminations do we actually "feel" anything. Writing essentially conveys the writer's vision, containing the sights, sounds, smells, and emotions to the reader. Some will inevitably be lost in transmission, but when written credibly and carefully, the core will remain. This writer fails to consider even the most rudimentary elements of storytelling. The awful writing and, even worse, the storytelling ruins the normal enjoyment of escape through reading.

OMG! you really do intend to continue with this, don't you? If I tell you that your English is far and away the most appalling I've ever encountered on this site would that just maybe persuade you to end this horrific mess? Please? Pretty please?

JR

Great story!

Pay no attention to the insults. Few of them would write as well in english. I find this story a bit like exploring someplace new. I eventually understand what you mean, then struggle to figure out how the hell your recall of english would cause you to substitute the words you do. At first I thought European. Then I thought Norwegian (Winterfrog?).

Don't misunderstand. I like the way the story is going. And I enjoy reading more.

Please continue. If you feel you need help ask the commenters for volunteers.

Hey, butbutbut….although your usage of the English language is a bit muddled, your story line and characters are top shelf. I enjoyed your tale and hope the anonymous nay sayers do not discourage you from continuing to write..Thanks for your story.

It is starting to grow on me, as a Dialog of the Absurd. It is sort of like a Monty Python routine. If you are not going to wrap it up soon, please give us a hint as to how many chapters there will be.

Someone really should tell that poor deluded Lana that she's up against two younger women who will beat her no matter what play she tries.

Once Marks get a taste of young and willing, Lana will be out of the game.

Good effort and creative. You do need to switch whichever thesaurus you are using as it supplies the wrong words way too often.

This is a good story, but the style of long conversations with unattributed dialog gets very annoying to read. You need to add in little phrases like “… Lana said with a smile” or “Mark looked directly into her eyes and said…” in order to make this story easier to read. I love the immediacy and emotionality of the dialog, however. But after three chapters, it’s getting repetitious and there is little progress or movement, so please make something happen towards a resolution of some sort!

This was written by AI, wasn't it? Please tell me yes. No way this was generated by a human, it is so mechanical and soulless.

3rd part was a little better, but still hard to read.

It’s still reading like a 12 year old has written this, it’s disjointed in how it reads, it comes over as dull, the plot….. it has merit, but not how you have written it.

This is unbearable

Idk. I think her husband's not only still a wimp but he's also a idiot having not legally seperated legally while making demands for her to get counseling. At this point I would think even counseling for his whore wife would not be enough, divorce alone is left.

And suddenly it bothers Anal that women are interested in Mark. But she doesn’t comprehend the double standard. Still detached from reality.