All Comments on 'What Goes Around'

Ah a life well lived, always the best ending. Many thanks Matt.

Tina is the real villain!

5

Sweet story… love that the good folks win in the end. Thank-you

Nice. Living well is the best revenge. One thing, though. As a San Franciscan who has gone to a number of conferences at the Union Square Hilton, I’ll point out to you that that hotel is only two blocks away from Union Square.

Put down the thesaurus and focus on a better story. Your "Big Words" just make you seem like a pompous ass.

The story doesn't really go anywhere, and the numbers don't add up; if the daughter was 4 when they met, let alone married, and they had been married 12 years, she can't be 14.

one of the rare cases where I wished for maybe one more paige^^

Now that's what I call an unexpected twist. Good job. 5*

Man this Tina character is like a disguised fox in a hen house. She just eating up all the chickies in that family. Is she gonna branch out to the extended families next?

That was certainly different with several twists and turns. Always good to see a new MattBlack story!

You’ve got issues

First with the maths - story starts by saying they’d been married for 12 years and the daughter was 14… yet she was also 4 when they MET… does not compute

Then with Hilton… sorry they apparently didn’t honor your points in SF in real life?

Then with promoting this notion of ‘all the gays be grooming the kids’… Melody may be 26 at the end of the story but ‘Tina’ had known her for her entire life… that’s gross

And apparently Melody is a horrible person… maybe even a bit of a sociopath… but there’s no comeuppance or reckoning for that at all

Just a whole lotta cringe in this story

A nice tale. I enjoyed the ebb and flow,

Nice characters, nice twist. A story well told.

5 stars.

Cagivagurl

Boring, no real persons, noting close to an exciting erotic story.

Marriott must be your sponsor, I hope that they paid you properly

I am not an important person.

So may I know what happened to that dysfunctional trio of Melody, Tina, and Sandra?

Please?

/

Otherwise, good story MattblackUK.

Thanks.

Wtf is up with Melody? She's screwed up.

Decent outline of a good story but the narrative to pull the plot points together just felt flat to me. Several editing errors throughout and that’s unusual for one of your stories. The dialogue regarding Tina and her interactions with the other characters don’t make ch her actions and yet you don’t explain or delve into that aspect of the story. Likewise for Melody, why her distancing of Kevin then her mom. One sentence at the end doesn’t come close to what a well developed story required. I’m rounding up on this one to 4*, but anyone else it would be a 3.

Narcissists

Good for him but the ending for his previous family seemed like nothing. They could at least have found that he was really happy with a great life and family. The "daughter" wad a cold heartless bitch. Who would really want anything to do with her?

Good Story... worthy of a part two....

Hmmm...I liked it, didn't love it, so a 4 it is. Not sure I understand what the Anon who couldn't find a word from Randi here meant. MBUK credits her with EDITING. You're not supposed to see what the editor did - that's what good editing's about. Anyway, why the 4 is that the story felt incomplete to me. Yes, that Kevin and family are doing well is good, but one wonders what will wind up happening to Tina, Melody-Ann and Sandra. The author hints that Kevin may be on, or close to, the Autism Spectrum. Maybe he intended something like that for Melody, though it wouldn't be hereditary. Boyd Percy states that Tina is the real villain. Maybe. But Melody should have an equal claim for that honor. Wonder if either or both will get what they deserve. At least, Sandra got her comeuppance (as per the title).

QuickMagazine

I still try to figure out the point of this story... The San Francisco Union Square Hilton is only 2 blocks away from the Union Square.

Started out ok, but fell apart on the final page.

Eh, dropped from a 4 to a 1 with the creepy Tina/Melody dynamic that was shoehorned in at the end.

Overall, a very nice story and well told. However, how much did Marriott pay for the product placement? It went beyond quirky or cute, to the point of a bit of distraction, and I'm surprised that the editor didn't fix it.

.

Oh, and use your Marriott points to stay at the Ritz Kyoto. Worth every point!

Story seems lackluster at best.

Tina & Melody definitely need at least a little comeuppance.

Nice.

That really was crap

Matt, I seriously doubt that this story has been edited at all. It is a mess. Read the first part s-l-o-w-l-e-y and it will stick out. Briefly: Kevin Harris and Sandra get married. Melody is aged 2 at the time. Sandra and Tina have been BFF's since forever. When Melody is aged 4, Tina meets Kevin Harris. (What???) 6 months later Kevin and Tina marry. Yes, the same friggen Kevin Harris!

How is this possible?

Complicated; I like complicated; 5*

Not bad, except it seemed like a long commercial for merriott.....thanx!

Loklie

This was funny as hell. Good job.

*sigh* I keep hoping, and being disappointed.

1 star - really boring story with little to no feelings or emotion expressed.

It looks like some kind of bland police report.

What happened to all the anger, screaming, rage, slamming doors, revenge and pouting in the corner for weeks?

Melody is a nasty piece of work. They all got what they deserved, or will eventually, including his happiness.

Tina needs put down for the greater good.

This story BEGS for some retribution for that 'good childhood friend' Tina, and the psychopathic daughter, Melody. Tina being such a good best friend she messes with Sandra's marriage and takes her daughter, along with hurting her 'friend' Kevin. Sandra winds up with nothing, Tina winds up with the psychopath- is that the revenge? There should have been an epilogue stating that Sandra took half of Tina's wealth, and Melody took another chunk.

Was there a story here? 1/5

Conceptually I loved the story. But where was the character development? Especially, you left hanging every question about Melody.

I don't get it. D

I didn’t notice any big words? Perhaps the last commentator has a limited vocabulary? (That means he/she don’t much know a lot of them words!)

WTH was that nonsense. Just plain awful story and storytelling. Yikes

What happened to the rest of the story? I was just getting into it then suddenly there was no more, like it just drove off a cliff or had an aneurism or something.

Damn, interesting story, sort of a 'what goes around, comes around'. I was left wondering what the deal with Melody is. Actually at the end, when he got a text saying his wife's assistant couldn't stop playing with the kids, I kind of expected that he was once again going to get dumped by his wife, this time for the assistant.

Outstanding truly OUTSTANDING!!

People in your stories do not act like normal people.

It lacks drama, excitement, payback. No "oomph" to it. More info was needed on melody. Tina must be about twice her age but obviously it had been going on since Melody's early teens, which would make it illegal.

Not Matt Black usual Quality. Been reading him for years. Something did not mesh!

Ok. I am going with the new wife and the assistant hooking up.

I mean what goes around.....

I liked that Sandra got to feel the same pain of betrayal as she inflicted on Kevin, but this needed a proper conclusion for the treacherous dykes.

-

Tina was a self-centred narcissist with no loyalty to anyone, but Melody must have been a straight up sociopath to be that ice-cold towards both loving parents. This should've ended with Melody having a psychotic break and brutally murdering Tina. Them ending up in a nuthouse and an early grave respectively would've wrapped it up with a nice karmic twist.

I know the author is British, but this story is set in America, and we say "while," not "whilst."

\

Re: Custody, I'd insist that they have full custody, NO child support and no visitation because he never wants to see the ungrateful little bitch as long as he lives. And since they seem to be so prosperous, he wants a 60-40 split of the assets.

\

I thought the old manager was going to let some time pass before draining the account, never thought that she was just fucking with them.

\

"I never knew that she didn't think of me as being her dad." - Yeah, it MIGHT be understandable if it was just monetary things, teenagers CAN be pretty mercenary, but her attitude towards him personally is deplorable.

\

Decent ending, would have liked an epilog where Melody ditched Tina for a man!

Decent story written in the dry Brit style. Nothing wrong with that. ☆☆☆☆

Having a style editor doesn't obviate the need for a proofreader.

(The commenter below can look that one up too, as his vocabulary

obviously needs some expansion.)

-Four plus twelve makes sixteen and I rather doubt that Kevin was the love of Tina's life. -

While my FTDS instinct would love to know how Melody and Tina made out some years down the road, that really isn't necessary, or relevant to Kevin's story. I'll just satisfy myself imagining Tina ending up in prison after coming home early and finding Melody bent over the couch being railed by (______) and shooting both of them.

Speaking of shooting, obtaining a concealed handgun permit in California is far, far more difficult than doing so in Texas.

Good story all around. Thanks. Keep'em coming.

Edit for style - top edit.

Edit for proofreading - copy edit.

Sorry but this was utter shit. Basically the entire story was just pointless. He was a complete wimp who ran away, sure he got his happy ending because of plot, which could've ended there but you had to go back to Tina and the rest, who seriously lacked any sort of build up or relatibility.

Anon, he’s from the UK, where they still speak using higher-than sixth grade words and made-up words like boodylicious. The average American is down to using around 10,000 words, and many of those are pop culture expressions.

Matt, keep it up!

Felt like there was no background explanation and the story was very rushed. Zero romance or passion, just disgusting female characters. The husband just goes "oh well, what am I going to do?". Not much of a story and way too many characters for this length of story. Just a disgusting tale with no point. No consequences to anyone.....

Well, what happened next? That wasn't an ending. Endings provide closure. What a let down. What was wrong with Melody? Was Tina getting as many women as she could involved in lesbianism? What planet are we on? How hot is hot water? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Needed to be fuller, longer, more detailed. All of the characters were one dimensional and the entire story lacked emotion. 3*

Dull and emotionless. Enough said.

That was a very UNEVEN little tale. Disjointed. Choppy. And in the end…unsatisfying.

.

Worst character was the kid, Melody. Followed closely by Tina and Sandra. And Kevin was no prize, either. But at least he was someone that the reader might….barely…give a shit about.

.

Author seems to have had a bad experience at a Hilton, though 😎

.

Just not very good. 2 **

Thank you for the story, Mr. Black. Write another, please. I gave it a five. Randi.

Unfortunately this story was neither well written, nor well edited. The author had his characters twist and turn like puppets in a theater. Example: At the time of the divorce, Melody behaved like a psychopath, yet the author provided no background for this, and had us believe that for 16 years neither her mother nor the girl's stepfather had any hint of her asocial behavior! And the editing: The author apparently had a bad experience at the SF Hilton, and felt it necessary to bore his readers with a description of this event, coupled with hype for Marriott Hotels. And the edtor allowed this, and even permitted the author to transplant the offending hotel by two blocks.

I think the plotline for the story was excellent, though I really struggled with the whole Sandra, Tina, and Melody side of the story.

I was disappointed that Tina gave didn't really care about any of them, she screwed over Kevin, screwed over Sandra and i'm assuming that she will do something to hurt Melody at some point, but by then Melody will be so broken that it won't end well and she will have broken any relationship with her mother.

The only advice I would have for Sandra, is to take Tina for as much as possible, make the bitch hurt ;)

Great story, with twist - keep them coming. My guess Melody is a narcissist.

Odd story this one is. Melody ended up being an important character but there was little known about her. Kevin says in the beginning that she is important in his life as though she is his own daughter, but it appears melody gives not a wit about her mother or her father. Seemed strange to my reading.

Outrageous what a flip wonderful I am still laughing.

I was hoping for better but it really felt just thrown together to me.

Rushed ending, pretty much ruined the story arc.

Hint to a UK writer, no one refers to UCLA by its full name.

Felt... Weird. It's sort of like you were telling us to not be mad at his ex, but just showing them as really out of touch? And I don't see how no visitation is a poison pill in a divorce agreement? And wtf is up with Melody??? I mean Tina didn't seem completely dumb, how could she actually fall for a person who did that to their mom??

Just didn't think the characters were that close to real life or even an understandable parody of real life.

Bloody boring, pointless. What is the point?

Felt rushed and unfinished. Too many things left unresolved.

I love stories that keep me guessing. I gave it 5 stars easily.

There is a distasteful anti-LGBTQ flavor to this odd submission. If an author is going to present a member of a socially disenfranchised and marginalized group as character, basic literary integrity demands that the presentation be free of bias. In this submission, the author presents a solitary lesbian character who is not only a husband-stealing disloyal friend but is also a cheating spouse who grooms her own step-child to become her paramour. The Literotica archives are not well served when used as a repository of @MattblackUK's homophobic world view.

Little bit cchoppy

If there is a anti anything flavor to this story it is anti-cheaters. Maybe you are looking for things that are not there. (anonymous comment #80).

somewhere east of Omaha

'Gloria Linwood'.... cleeeeeh-ver. Iseewhatyoudidthere! 5/5!!!

Honey, people who you think of as homophobic aren't homophobic. It's just that they don't like YOU very much.

I feel like I'm being gaslighted sometimes. I was disappointed in the story yet several authors I respect gave it high marks. I agree with the commenters who thought the story needed more 'there there'. (A proofreader would have been nice).

Pet peeve: with so many names to choose from for characters why do some authors use names which are so similar? In this story the 2 main female characters are named Sarah and Sandra. I had to go back and look up to see if the author had gotten the names mixed up. Why not use Sandra and Joyce? Please, there were only 3 significant female characters in the whole story!

Steve

@Xzy89c1 Re: "I would not use Randi again, the only thing worse than dialogue was the plot. Awful on all accounts" - While I disagree with you, you're entitled to your opinion on Randi's editing, but while an editor may advise, plotting is the responsibility of the author.

I enjoyed this story, but it was just… weird. The choice of words sometimes were unusual, the characters disjointed.

Good short story, but very lacking on a fleshed out ending.

All I know is Melody, Tina, and Sandra are three VERY fucked up people. I would rank Sandra as the least toxic, just your average basic bitch that is selfish. She feels badly for others, but not enough to do anything about it. Tina is more middle of the road personality disorder...maybe a narcissist. She makes a little pouty face after she back-stabs you, mostly because you were useful to her...once. But she truly doesn't give a shit. She does know how to act a certain way though. Then there's Melody....silence of the lamb levels of fucked in the head.

Maybe having her step father could have...helped...nurture away whatever sociopath shit is going on there. She feels nothing for others, and chases impulses and money without much of a filter. Tina was right to appear worried. Compared to Melody...Tina isn't a shark...she's a tasty snack.

Most importantly the protagonist left that toxic mess behind. A good life lesson.

I'd call this story garbage, but that would be an insult to trash piles around the world.

I'm not sure who the author hates the most. Is it the gays? Gays will apparently insinuate themselves into your life, waiting for decades before they leap into action to steal both your spouse and your child? Is it the Irish? Is it the Aussies? Both nationalities are helpfully (and suspiciously specifically) labeled as cheaters. Or gay cheaters.

My guess is that it's none of these. The author hates the readers of this site the most, and shows us by inflicting stories like this on the reading public.

The plot was thinner than my wallet after a night at a strip club. Even with puzzling and useless details aplenty this story barely cracks 2 pages and can be summarized in a sentence: One day, man comes home and wife divorces him because she is suddenly a lesbian and step-daughter disowns him; he leaves. Goodnight, you've been a wonderful audience. Please try the veal and remember to tip your waiter, they're working hard for you. There is no tension. There is no drama. After the main plot event, all the characters follow random and unrelated arcs.

The characters are one dimensional. There is no explanation for why characters actions occur. Family is happy. Then they are not. Cheating happens somewhere in there (gays are involved, remember?). Are we functioning on tired Lit stereotypes like all good men are wimps and all women are faithless sluts?

The dialogue is wooden to the point it's now petrified. Sandra's speech after discovering her wife is now sleeping with her daughter is inner monologue spoke aloud by someone who has just emerged from a lifetime in a cave and has never actually spoken to another human being before. You don't say the quiet part out loud.

Apparently the story is edited, but I couldn't tell. Is the daughter's name Melody or Melody-Ann? There are so many irrelevant details that neither the author nor editor never heard of Chekhov's Gun. Why do we need to know the identity of the wedding ring bearer? The wedding was cute? What is the importance to the story of being told that silk is the material for the 12th anniversary? Why is it "ironic" that a Mormon-owned hotel chain has good food? The mind boggles.

And then, after we've spent close to 90% of this story being told that Sandra, Tina and Melody/Melody-Ann are important to the story, we get this:

"nobody of any importance gave a fuck about Sandra, Tina or Melody."

Indeed. Why give a fuck about this story at all?

Utterly. Fucking. Atrocious.

I feel like I, missed something.

Thanks for the comments. My one takeaway here is that because I, a journalist and writer wasn't 100% clear of the age of Melody-Anne at the start of the relationship between Kevin and Sandra, some of you got excited by the fact that my maths aren't too hot. Sorry about that.

Also, autism can have genetic components, but that's not germane here, because Melody-Anne and Kevin were not related. "

What's your problem, Melody-Anne?" "

I have no problem. I'm just they way the author drew my character to help the story move along?"

"You mean you are nothing but a MacGuffin?"

"Maybe!" 😄

Actually, I had in mind that Melody-Anne was probably sociopathic.

The title says it all. Evil individuals

Karma is a bitch and then some. Waiting to see Melody kicked to the curbside

Great story with a very happy ending. Kevin finally won the wife and family lottery, and Sandra got a chance to see the real Tina. As the author says, Melody is a sociopath, who is probably her real daddy’s girl.

.....bruh

Liked the story, but you through a lot out there and then just kind of glossed over them almost like an after thought. Just mho.

Thanks for the story

The writing is rather flat and formulaic. Some have critiqued that the wife left him for another woman, ok so? I personally know of two marriages ending due the spouses meeting someone of the same sex and leaving their respective husband and wife. I do not see homo-phobia by using that plot device

When does Tina get hers.

If this is what Tina does to her 'friends', I'd hate to see what she does to people she *doesn't* like. There's something wrong with her, too.

Is that it???

Looks and sounds incomplete to me, you really rushed that ending.

The story just didn’t jell to me, it was disjointed and didn’t come across as well as it could have.

Scores 2/5

This is beyond rushed. Jesus Christ. Someone needs to rewrite this.

@Astronomaly The pace I set worked for me. But YMMV.

I realize there are a lot of sick, depraved people in Texas. Heck, mass shootings and stripping woman of their basic human rights, seems to be a sporting event for them! But somethin’ must be in the water, to grow so many carpet munchers! Maybe, we should give it back to Mexico!

5 stars.

You rushed the last several paragraphs but a decent story nonetheless.

Really enjoyed this, yeah Kevin and Sarah fell together pretty quickly, but I’m sure you wrote it the way you wanted it, so that’s okay, but I sure would have liked to seen Tina get hit by a bus, or something equally gruesome.

Thanks for your time and effort. KS

Decent story, but maybe it belonged in Lesbian Sex? You never did disclose whether or not something was wrong with Melody other than she was a delusional, self-satisfying, narcissistic bitch.

Wait for it wait for it Melody will be cheated on by Tina with a Younger model. Sandra will be divorced because of husband want to marry a guy.

Grammar good

Story flow is very good

The dialogue is very good and near perfect

Storyline was unique and creative

BTB/RAAC meter BTB all the way Wanted to see Melody get her ass kicked

Keeping my interest very good

Overall 4.2