The Scrapbook

"Excuse me, I remember there's something I have to do," Helen said while sliding out of the booth. After picking up the coffee pot and her cup, she topped his off as they both watched the taxi pull into the parking lot.

Helen had barely gotten settled into her usual resting place behind the counter before the desperate and distraught young wife came flying through the door. Steph glanced up, but found the only thing leveled back at her was open disgust. After noticing the total look of disdain, she agonized, 'Not Helen too.... Oh god, I must have been a bigger "bitch" than I realized.'

'Serves you right,' the waitress angrily thought. But out of sympathy, her eyes and head nodded towards Mark.

Steph had seen her husband through the plate glass windows as her taxi pulled in. She knew there was no way Mark could have missed seeing her get out of the cab though he hadn't bothered to look in her direction. Even with his back to her, Steph realized Mark had to be aware she was now standing in the diner. Yet he still made no attempt to turn around.

'God, how bad have I hurt him?' Steph wondered in anguish.

On her way to Mark's booth, she had to pass in front of Helen. Steph heard her whisper, "Good luck girl, you're going to need it,"

Glancing at the waitress, she acknowledged Helen's hostile support with a weak smile and an understanding nod. Suddenly Steph paused and in a half sob whispered, "I love him so much."

With a smirk, the waitress hissed in a low voice, "Well, it's about fuckin' time you figured that out. I just hope it's not too late."

"Helen, I'm so afraid...," Steph choked in a soft reply.

Eyes glaring, the waitress quietly snapped, "Knock that shit off. Take your ass over there, and do your damnedest to try and save your marriage, but more importantly, the man you love. Besides, I'm not going to stand here whispering all night. Now quit wasting time girl, get to it."

Mark didn't look up as his wife slowly approached his booth, he didn't need to. "Have a seat Steph. Want something to eat or drink?"

Steph slid into the other side of the booth, but before she could answer, Helen set a second cup on the table and filled it. "Two cups of coffee... and I'll bet no one is hungry yet. But if you change your minds, I'll be standing right over there behind the counter, just shout," she said before turning and walking off.

"Mark, I...," Steph started to speak, but he cut her off.

"Steph, why have we never had any more kids? Guess I should ask more specifically, why have you never wanted to have my kids?"

In a stunned voice, she replied, "Mark, when did I ever say that? I've never even hinted that I didn't want to have more kids."

"Well Steph, it's been almost five years since we said 'I do,' and our daughter is now four years old. I can't help but wonder how much longer you intended to wait before suggesting we have another."

With tears, she confessed, "At first, I was deeply afraid if we had another, our daughter would be left out. Now I know it was stupid, but at the time I was afraid you would love ours more than her. My biggest fear was that our daughter would have to take a second seat in our family for the rest of her life."

"And how long did you feel that way?" He painfully asked.

"Oh Mark, it didn't take long to see how much you truly loved her. In just a few months, all my fears were gone. I knew you would never love another more than you loved her. You are the most loving and devoted father I know."

"Ok Steph, I can accept that. So, now what's your excuse for the last four years? Why have we not had another child? I understand that planning your family is important, maybe you wanted to space them five years apart, ten years apart, or were you waiting to make sure the next, if there was one, would be with Tony again?"

"Mark, I... I...," and the silence grew longer.

Seeing she had no true answer, he continued, "Forget that for the time being Steph...."

"No Mark, you have it all wrong. I love you and want a bigger family... with you," she said through flowing tears. "You have to understand there was never any doubt about loving you. But, I didn't realize how much until tonight,"

"What happened tonight that changed everything Steph, I didn't see anything special. Other than you finally got back together with your old lover. Isn't that what you've wanted all along...? Hasn't that been your greatest desire?"

"No Mark, not even close, although I confess that I have always wondered about a few things. For instance, what it would have been like if Tony and I had gotten married, if he still felt anything for me, and how we'd react if we ever ran into each other."

"Well Steph, tonight was your opportunity. If you didn't get at least two of those questions answered then feel free to go back to the dance... and Mr. Perfect. You're only wasting your time here anyway."

"Oh Mark... it was quite a shock, but I got a lot more than just my answers. When he kissed me, which I am truly sorry you had to see, but I swear.... my emotional reaction was so weird, I almost laughed. It felt like I was kissing my brother. Suddenly I knew... I don't love Tony. I doubt if I ever did."

"Well Steph, I'm glad you at least found it humorous. It's only taken five years for you to destroy your marriage, destroy your family, and learn what... that it was all for not? Sorry, I find that sad."

"Mark if you decide to leave, I can't stop you. But please think of our daughter, whether you care about me or not."

"That's not fair Steph, that's really hitting below the belt. You know how much I love her."

"You're right Mark, it's not fair and I'll never play fair when it comes to watching over my family. That's what a good wife and mother does. She takes care of her family, her loved ones, and my two greatest loves are you and our daughter. So don't expect me to play fair, I'll do anything in my power not to lose either of you. If I could turn back the clock and undo all the pain I've caused, I would. The only exception, I would never un-wish our daughter, she's too precious."

"God no Steph, next to you there's no one I love more."

"So you do love me?" She smiled.

"There's never been any doubt of that Steph, but it doesn't make a bit of difference. I've never been totally happy and I am not willing to continue with this farce we've been calling a marriage.

"By the way though, you are correct and that's the problem. A good wife and mother does take care of the ones she loves, devoting all her time to providing for their needs and trying to make them happy as possible. The same as a husband and father does for his family. Let me ask you Steph, have I ever slighted or failed to give one hundred percent to you and our daughter?"

"God no Mark, you are the most devoted, caring, giving, loving husband and father a woman could ask for."

"Well Steph, apparently it wasn't enough."

"What are you talking about Mark, of course it was. You couldn't have done anymore for us."

"Not me I'm talking about Steph... it's you."

"Mark, I know I screwed up tonight, but for five years I have been there, taking care of you and our daughter, devoting myself to our family just like you."

"If that were the case, Steph, then we wouldn't be having this conversation. We would be at the re-union, dancing, laughing, visiting with old friends, and having a wonderful time. So something must have occurred in those five years to keep that from happening."

"Ok Mark, I know you're making a point. Just say what's on your mind, I can't argue with what I don't know."

"I only have a couple of more questions Steph. If someone doesn't give a hundred percent to their spouse, does that mean they don't love them?"

Cautiously, Steph replied, "It would definitely leave room for doubt and concern.... Plus create some real questions and issues to deal with."

"Then tell me how you give back or make up for all the time you weren't devoting to me Steph."

"Okay, enough of the head games Mark. What time are you talking about?"

Leaning forward, he unloaded on her in a heavy voice. "What say we start with all the time you spent reading through newspapers and magazines, hunting for any article about Tony that you could find. How much of 'my time' did you then devote to cutting out and pasting them, along with the letters and photos into 'Mr. Perfect's scrapbook'? On top of that, how about all the time you spent reading and answering those letters from your friends. In your obvious concern about what Tony was doing and saying, how many times did you read each letter? You had to be hoping to find something important about Mr. Perfect that you might have missed every time before. Or were you just rekindling and savoring the sensations they made you feel for your lover? Let's not forget the photos. How many hours did you sit looking at them, desiring, fantasizing, and wishing it was him you were married to instead of me?"

Her face paled as she realized he not only knew about the scrapbook, but had evidently seen it. Steph stammered, "Mark... I...."

"Why go to that much trouble if you didn't take time to enjoy it. How many of my hours did you spend reminiscing and daydreaming while going through Tony's scrapbook when no one was around?"

Shaking her head, Steph tried to insist, "It wasn't like that Mark, I...."

"How much of my time did you spend calling or emailing your friends to get current pictures of Mr. Wonderful? I know some of those photos are more recent ones, or were you in direct contact with him before the re-union? Maybe you never did lose contact with him."

"No Mark... the pictures...," tears started gushing from her eyes as her face went from white to deep scarlet over her embarrassing shame and frustration. "There was never any contact with Tony until tonight at the re-union."

"Too bad Steph, just think, you could have spent the last few years with him instead of me. You could have actually been making love to Tony instead of only fantasizing about him while wasting your time fucking me."

"No Mark it wasn't that way. I've always known that I love you. But all my life I've been a person who sees things better when reflected against one another. That stupid kiss tonight burned off every fantasy I ever had about Tony. In that instant, I was able to see how total my love is for you."

For the first time, Steph began to feel her marriage, her family, her happiness, and the man she loves slipping away. Growing desperate, she blurted out, "Tony... I mean Mark... damn it all to hell!!!"

For the first time since the conversation started, Mark sarcastically chuckled, "Thanks for making my point."

Steph broke down and started sobbing, "No, no, nooo... it's not that way, I really do love you. I know that now."

"Well if that's true, then more is the pity, because I'm through," Mark flatly stated. "As of tonight, I'm out. I couldn't face another day of competing with your fantasies if my life depended on it.

"A few days ago, I told Richard I'd like to take advantage of his half day work and school program, but tonight he insisted that I go full time. Since I have a family to support, Richard is going to pay for everything and set it up as a loan.

"Arrangements have been made so that you can continue to live at our hom... in our house at Wetap. I will pay him back after I graduate," he informed her.

With giant tears rolling down her cheeks, Steph pleaded, "No Mark, please stay. You can still go to school, I'll do anything I can to help, but don't leave us. We both love and need you so much. This is going to break our daughter's heart."

It was Mark's turn for big tears, if he had a soft spot, it was his daughter. She was the apple of his eye. "Sorry Steph, I can't deal with it anymore. Plus going to school full time will demand all my attention. I would like to have our daughter every weekend if possible, I hope that's okay with you.

"And Steph, just so you know, even though I am deeply hurt, I'm not blaming you. The simple fact is I have no one to blame but myself. Only a very foolish man would ever marry a woman who hasn't professed her love for him before the wedding. I never asked that of you before we got married, that's my fault, I should have."

With that, Mark slid out of the booth. Before turning to leave, he looked out the plate glass window and sadly said, "Ya know Steph... you shouldn't have let that taxi leave, you'll need a ride home."

Then as Mark turned to leave, she quietly whimpered, "But I do love you, I always have."

Walking up to the counter, he reached in his pocket. The pain reflected on his face melted Helen's heart. She waved him off saying, "Coffee's on me tonight."

Mark hesitated with a blank stare, then as her words sank in, he nodded. Before turning to go out the door, he paused one more time and said, "Please make sure my wife gets home safely, ok?"

Through misty eyes, Helen nodded, thinking, 'Wetaps are a different breed, but it's a good difference. That's why I fell in love with and married Bobby. Who knows, maybe in the process I've finally become one myself."

**********

"Jane...?" Mark spoke into the desk intercom.

"Yes Sir," the now familiar voice of his secretary came back.

"Think you will ever be able to call me Mark?" He asked with a slight chuckle.

He heard soft laughter, "Maybe someday... Mark. What do you need?"

"Jane, when my ten o'clock arrives, please show him in. Then hold all calls and make sure we aren't disturbed if you would."

"No problem sir... Mark, consider it done."

Picking up a bottle of water, he stood and stared out his office window. Mark unscrewed the top and took a couple of long swallows. He didn't feel nervous, but evidently this upcoming meeting, plus the one tomorrow with Richard, was making him edgy.

It had been almost four years since Mark stormed out of the reunion and his marriage. He had made good use of the time by fast tracking through college. After proving his ability to handle the extra hours, the university had no problem letting him carry the maximum allowed each semester.

Even in his summer classes Mark managed to achieve the highest grade point average possible. His credentials now included every scholastic award and honor the school had to offer in his curriculum.

In his final year a company had approached him with a career opportunity, contingent upon his graduating. After listening to their offer, Mark made an appointment and discussed it with his mentor. With Richard's strong recommendation that he do so, Mark happily accepted a starting position with the corporation.

It wasn't until after he had actually started to work that Richard informed him of the company's true ownership. Mark realized, 'He wanted me to accept it out of ambition, not obligation.'

Now here he was, one of their assistant vice-presidents, all trying to work their way up the chain of command. His office might have been stuck on the third floor, known as the junior exec level, but his goals and ambitions were soaring much higher. They were striving to catch up with his eyes and heart, which were already set on the top floor, where the CEO and real vice-presidents had their offices.

But it had been a long and difficult grind. To Mark, his most important accomplishment had been to spend every weekend possible with his daughter. Scheduling his studies and devoting time to her had stretched him to the max numerous times, but she was worth it.

The most difficult part when picking up or returning his daughter was seeing her mother. Even though Steph always wore a friendly smile, the pain and sadness that seemed etched in her face only served to heighten his own.

For him it was especially trying when they had to get together to make major decisions about their daughter's activities or to attend one of her special functions. Mark always wanted to meet in a neutral atmosphere, like a coffee shop or diner, but he would lose the argument every time. They would end up in a nice restaurant with Steph invariably wearing one of several dresses he had always enjoyed seeing her in.

He had to give her credit, she never seemed to give up or quit trying. Her eyes were always pleading, begging for a sign of hope. And every time, without fail, Mark would feel an overwhelming urge to reach out and comfort her. But, just when he would be on the verge of breaking, the memory of 'the scrapbook' always came roaring back.

In an attempt to move on, Mark had gone out on a couple of dates. Since the efforts made him feel he was cheating on Steph, the pursuing guilt became unbearable. In the end, Mark cut both short with the excuse, "Sorry, but I have an extremely early work day tomorrow." Finally he gave up trying altogether. He realized it was useless until his love for Steph began to fade, but knew in his heart that would take time.

'Confession is supposed to be good for the soul,' Mark thought as he admitted to himself, 'I've never been able to bring myself to file for a divorce... evidently neither has Steph.'

As it turned out, the arrangements Mark had made for his wife and daughter to stay at Wetap weren't needed. Shortly after he left, Steph went to work for Richard as his personal secretary. Her new job was all the qualification needed for her and her daughter to live there.

But now it all seemed so futile. Two weeks ago Mark learned that Steph had taken a new job with one of Richard's companies on the coast. And of course, she was taking their daughter with her. They would be leaving tomorrow. His heart ached at the thought of how seldom he would now get to see his daughter.

Not allowing himself to even entertain the idea, Mark immediately dismissed a fleeting thought that he would miss both of them. But it did help him to understand why Steph felt the need to put some distance between them.

'I'm glad that Ken and Marcie got their problems ironed out fairly quickly. Even though I still don't know what Marcie expected, in spite of her attempts, it took me a lot longer before I could listen to and accept her apology. But I'm glad I finally did, they've been good friends too long to lose them.

'The bitterness she and Steph felt towards each other at first was almost humorous. Marcie laid her marital problems at Steph's feet and Steph countered with, "No one twisted your arm, girl." When Ken told me about the battle royal, I couldn't keep from laughing. But I am glad they eventually worked it out and made up. It helped when they both began to realize what they did is not what friends ask of or do for one another.'

He turned just as his ten o'clock appointment walked in the door.

"Your secretary said it was okay to come in. Hope I didn't interrupt anything?" Tony cautiously asked.

As usual, Mark was caught slightly off guard by the close resemblance between his daughter and her biological father. When looking at Tony, it always made him feel a brief wave of false sentiment before it crashed into the wall of reality. "No, not a thing," he declared, "I made sure my calendar was cleared so we wouldn't be disturbed."

"Mark, I requested this meeting because we have to end this situation before it gets worse. Ever since you took this job a few weeks ago we've been going out of our way to avoid each other. That won't work, and can't continue."

"I agree Tony. And since we're both employed by the same company, it seems inevitable that sooner or later we'll end up on some of the same projects together. So, I'm all ears, what do you have in mind?"