All Comments on 'Casey's Fall Ch. 17'

Love the involuntary orgasm and the animal grunting noises. I hope we see more of them. Your descriptions of Casey’s hair and inner embarrassment while having the spontaneous organism are great. Enjoy reading the parts where Jolene limits the boys from having sex with Casey. It adds a nurturing quality to Jolene that makes her character rich. It’s especially enriching when Casey and Jolene are out in public and Jolene stands up for Casey when she’s taunted by onlookers. I really like how Jolene manipulates Casey into believing all her actions ultimately benefit Casey. I hope as the story develops Casey becomes more and more dependent on her sister and views her as a protector, while deep down Jolene’s interests lay with financial exploitation of Casey.

I enjoy how’s Casey’s so innocent about Jolene’s intentions while Jolene has secret profit-driven ulterior motives. I like the idea of Casey being so dependent on Jolene and how Jolene is at times protective of her sister. With Casey back in school with Cassandra, perhaps there can be a mishap at school where Cassandra and Casey get into an “altercation” at school and Casey ends up taking the fall and suffers the consequences. Jolene would support her sister against such consequences against the school on the condition from the school that if Casey were to continue school there would be “conditions” and “disciplinary” action that Jolene must take against Casey. Would love to see Jolene manipulate whatever mishaps Casey encounters in life to Jolene’s advantage. I hope Jolene doesn’t lose her sisterly maternal side and Casey doesn’t lost her dependence on her sister

To be honest the pacing lately has seemed to really accelerate, almost like the story is just a cliffsnotes or something. I prefer new chapters every two days to a slower pace, but it really feels like some reveals need more time to breathe for impact. The one page chapters feel like they are 1.5 - 2 pages of plot, and most of that could be Casey's inner monologue about what is happening to keep the story Casey centric while also making it sexier.

I love the explicit nature of the story, I hope that never changes... I wish there were more details though, like with the toys there could have been more struggle and difficulty for her... Maybe bring some oil as lube into play... And then the guys suggested she rub it all over her body which Jolene eagerly agreed to... And maybe have her insist they watch her shower afterwards.

One of the best exhibitionist stories I've read on this site was SeaHawk's Confessions of a Mailgirl... I really enjoyed the story's focus on Danica's constant arousal, her embarrassment about it, and how Barbara recognized this and relished every chance to amplify it and give Nine humiliating sexual release. I really think this story could use a lot of that to make it much hotter. Like for this chapter, I think had you gone back over it and flooded in these kinds of details it would have made it a 5.5 / 5 chapter.

Also Casey's attitude and personality just seems to be starting to become a doormat with too little inner conflict. She hasn't really considered her sub tendencies much at all, and instead of being submissive, is just starting to feel a bit blank. I get you are trying to shift it from NC to exhibitionist, which will be fine and very sexy... But even then it would b much hotter to explore Casey's mental reluctance through the whole story - even if she becomes very eager herself, let us hear from her inside voice telling her how crazy her life has become more often.

One of the best aspects of these stories is the power dynamic between the dom and the sub, it feels like much of that has been glazed over, and much is lost because of it. Jolene could do many things to assert her dominance over Casey whenever she has little rebellions (and Casey should occasionally push back imo), because that is the nature of their relationship. There could be much more illustration of Jolene's power, and Jolene should be much more eager to make sure Casey understands her place, and remind her she is in complete control.

One thing that would be sexy af would be Jolene training Casey's posture. Expecting her to stand a very specific sexy way, give her a submissive resting pose, and finally since you have embraced lewdness in your story in all the best ways - give her an extremely provocative 'on display' posture that really humiliates Casey but makes her dripping wet...

Their sibling dynamic has been good, but can afford much more strain, you've earned this through your setup... Jolene is obviously an extremely overbearing older sister, and for all of her proclamations of love, we should see behind the curtain a bit more to see what an absolute bitch she is. Jolene considers Casey a pet as much as a sister.

And Casey could struggle with this in her own thoughts... I have no interest in reading about incest, but Casey's constant state of arousal that often peaks could be something she dwells on a lot, and the shame and confusion should be a major feedback loop that constantly amplifies her arousal. Whatever confusion she has and lust that she develops should be met with indifference though... Jolene sees her only as a means to an end, above all else, including being her sister - she is a money making pet that she owns outright, even if she does try to make Casey's life comfortable and loves her.

Sorry if my comment seems overly critical, I just really love your writing and think this story has been really good. I vry much look forward to reading much more!

With a lot of the comments by the anons.

I’m waiting for her to go bang and tell everyone what a shit her sister is and the consequences.

It would be nice if her bf and mum knew the truth.

Great suggestions here. Yes, I read SeaHawk's Confessions of a Mailgirl only recently and I loved it. It made me regret the direction I took this story a bit. My thoughts were to try to keep the characters somewhat plausible with what I thought would be realistic reactions and so on, while still not letting Casey off the hook so she would have to find a way to deal with it. That for me was what would make this into a proper story rather than just a tale of something crazy that happened to someone. Confessions of a Mailgirl had some plausibility issues but SeaHawk's writing style dealt with it so eloquently that those issues didn't matter, well at least not to me. It was possibly the best story along these lines that I've ever read.

I've added some more tension into Casey and Jolene's relationship in the sequel but it needs more work yet. I've been too focussed on plot which has left it lacking a bit of soul I think. I've also put elements in that were designed to shape Casey's character, particularly with her relationship with Greg, but it possibly puts a large part of the first chapter into a different genre which I suspect a lot of people following the story might not enjoy. Others will though, particularly if they're familiar with my name from elsewhere. I'm kind of committed to it now though and I know I'll never please everyone so I'll probably still run with it, but there will be other characters I can do some interesting things with, and there can always be other stories. ;)

I've made lots of long winded anon comments on your chapters, I'm logged into this account on this computer, but my other I haven't bothered lol. Anyway sorry for making so many comments half as long as your chapters.

It's interesting how Literotica works, sometimes submitting a chapter you have to wait 2-3 weeks before it gets posted... If you have been submitting a chapter every other day it makes me wonder what chapter you are really on, lol. Hopefully we're up to 30+

When I saw you liked SeaHawk on your profile I knew you had exemplary taste, you actually motivated me to reread the story a second time. It def is one of the best. The scene in the restaurant with the bowl of milk... Yum. Wish they would come back and write the sequel about Barb coming back and seeing what happens with Danica, tbh I was hoping Barb would win, but I def want to see it continue from Danica's POV.

As commented before I really enjoyed how CHawx wrote 9's inner dialog, about the constant hum of arousal and how the positions she was in heightened it. I would love to see some of that with Casey, you've hinted at it really well but details are hot af when it comes to that.

The permanent alterations thing has come up before, and considering your alternate universe seems to have some technology specifically for indents and exhibitionists... It would be 10/10 if there were some sort of procedure that would make Casey get *much* more wet... Dripping wet all the time when she was highly aroused, and when Jolene commands her to kneel for extended times, she would leave a juice puddle behind when she was finally allowed to leave that left her feeling humiliated and even more aroused.

I'm sure you could come up with other excellent ideas in that area if you wanted to... Would def love to see it.

Anyway look forward to next chapter and hope they keep showing up every other day for a long time to come!

Love your story. Casey is awkward still as she was not sure how to present herself to the boys. Maybe some exposure to slave positions by a trainer explained to her as acting lessons might improve her demeanor when she entertains. Dildoes need to be cleaned by her orally in front of the guests this would aid in her humiliation. And she could learn some deep throat techniques also. Some ponygirl training might also contribute to her conditioning.

I continue to enjoy how you bring out her inner conflict of her animal side versus her feelings. It brings out a lot of angst and humiliation which is at present confusing to her.

Keep up the good work

I love the idea of the coming out party. Hopefully Jolene will take Casey and Cassandra into another room and tell them Casey is not allowed to cover herself or even close her thighs completely, so Jolene offers Casandra money to make sure Casey behaves at school. put her in control...would like her mom and dad to get involved with her not sexually maybe her dad could see her perform on her web.

I love your ideas, and I had planned to do a few things along those lines to Casey originally. I did change course a little but there's still plenty to come for her and hopefully you still like where it goes.

Carnalval, there's 28 chapters and they're all ready to go up. Each chapter is a day so Casey goes from start to finish in just a month. Originally I was going to call it "28 Days". It seemed like a fun idea to write it that way but in retrospect it meant having to write a few fairly boring chapters. It also probably would have worked better if the whole thing could be read at once rather than one chapter at a time separated by days. (The Literotica submission process has an approval system to go through so I thought it best to wait for each chapter to publish before I submitted the next one just in case any got rejected and I ended up with a missing chapter or they got out of order or something. So far they take 2 days to get published after I upload them.)

I've tried to focus on feelings and thought processes but I also think there's a limit before that becomes gruelling to read, so I try to keep it to under 2 pages per chapter, which is around 6-14 Word pages with an 11pt font. I think in some cases I undershot it a bit though and it reads a bit like a blog, but we live and learn. ;)