Love Lost, Love Found

By morning he was exhausted. Not even ashes left of his old life. A clean, blank slate, ready...Time for a new beginning. New resolutions. No waiting until New Year's. He felt lighter, more at peace with himself, but, "NEVER AGAIN! NEVER, EVER AGAIN!" He would be more alert, more aware, less trusting. No one was going to get into his heart again other than his girls. He got up, showered, dressed, started laundry, straightened up some, and started pancakes. And then went in and woke the girls.

"Wake up, lazy bones. We've got a lot to do today. Pancakes are almost ready, Aunt Monica will be here and we need to help and then we're going to the store to get some things, well, a lot of things and then on to the park. Sound like fun? Now move it! And brush those little pearlies for more than two seconds. You don't want any cavities, right?"

At 8:45 Monica walked up the single brick step and approached the front door. What the hell was going on? Divorce? Had Bart done something awful? Surely he didn't cheat on her or anything. Not Bart. Maybe she could find out what happened. Tiffany'd called last night all in a tizz and jabbering about Bart going off on her and 'Oh, by the way we're getting divorced. Would you go pick up my things. Thanks. Love ya.' Totally inappropriate and so odd. But Tiffany had been acting weirdly the last few months and maybe not for the better.

Monica had called her back and texted, but no response. She'd gotten on the phone and called her mom, but she knew nothing about it either. She was in tears over it. Bart and Tiff always seemed so happy, so close, but in the last year Tiffany had started to change.

As she lost weight, she dyed her mousy brown hair blonde. Quite an improvement really. And then started letting it grow out, also good. But then she started using makeup every day, tighter more revealing outfits, cleavage, and a lot of late meetings and overnights. All warning signs of something else going on now that she thought about it. Why hadn't she wondered before? Because they always seemed so happy together, she reflected.

The last thing in the world she wanted to do was knock on the door. If he was drunk or falling apart, what the heck was she going to do? What was she supposed to say? But she straightened, took a deep breath and knocked. "Uh, oh! Who could that be at the door? Better check!"

"Aunt Monica!"

"Correct. Go let her in." He took a deep breath. It's under control. Over. Done. Ashes.

They opened the door together. "Hey, girls. You smell like pancakes. And is that syrup on your face, Mackenzie? Here, let me get it off. There you go. Now come here both you and give Aunt Monica a big hug." But she looked at Bart wondering how he was doing, looking for signs of pain, damage...but was surprised not to see any. He looked...well, he looked peaceful or something. Just tired.

"Alright, girls, Aunt Monica and I have some things to discuss. Why don't you go play in your room for a minute?" Turning to Monica, "Why do you look so surprised, Monica? You must have known this was coming."

"No! Mom and I didn't know anything about it until she called me last night and told me to come over and get her stuff. That was the first time she ever mentioned that things weren't going well. Oh, and she said to give you these." She held out an envelope with rings in it. He looked at the envelope for a moment then threw them in the trash. Monica was shocked. So cold, indifferent.

"She never liked the style anyway."

"What? She never said anything about that. She showed them to Mom and I as soon as she got them. She was so happy and proud...Bart, are you okay? You look, well, you look like way too calm or something."

"How bizarre, I know. My whole world burns down without warning. You're right. I should be a wreck, but me, myself, and I worked it all out. We came to an understanding." Monica gave him a an odd look. He wasn't acting like she'd expected. He certainly wasn't responding like she had when her husband left a couple of years ago. "So how are you, Monica?"

"In shock! That's how I'm doing. What the heck happened, Bart? She never breathed a word of anything to Mom or I."

"No idea. I'm just buzzing along, happy as a clam, no inkling that anything is going on and then she called last night from the Virgin Islands and as she was asking Chayce to get her another drink, she explained to me that I was a fat, out of shape, overly dependable, too stable, boring piece of crap that had a small dick and sucked in bed."

Moly gasped. "No! No way!"

"Yup. Also that she can't believe she wasted seven years of her life on me and you would be here this morning to get her clothes and I would be served with divorce papers on Monday. And, oh yeah, by the way, she'd been porking Chayce for a year."

In an incredulous voice,"So she's not coming back?"

"Nope..."

"Mommy's not coming back?" Both girls started crying and ran back to their beds.

Sadly shaking his head, "Crap. Not exactly the way I planned to let them know. Well, to be honest I didn't really have a plan. Guess it's time to have a chat with the girls," whispering, "which she said she never wanted to have anyway." Monica put a hand to her mouth and a look of shock filled her face. What the heck had happened to her sister?

"What? How could she..."

"Gotta go. If I can get them calmed down I'll give you a hand. Do you have boxes?" She nodded. He walked to the bedroom, dreading the talk. Help me find the words he prayed to no one in particular.

Both girls were crying like only little kids can. "Daddy? Where's Mommy? Why isn't she here? When is she coming home? I don't understand."

"That's a lot of questions. Come here and hug me while we talk. I don't know when she's coming back, girls. Adults sometimes hit kind of a rough patch in their lives and want a change. Your mom's in a kind of rough patch. I'm not sure whether she's coming home or not, probably not."

"Doesn't she love us? Did we do something wrong? If we did we'll fix it, we'll be extra good and not do anything wrong, promise!"

"Girls, your mom loves you very, very much. This has nothing to do with the two of you. It's between your mommy and I, I guess. You two are perfect. Please don't ever think that you've done anything wrong. You two bless every day of my life and the two happiest days of my life were when I watched you little angels being born."

Here goes he thought, "Now, just like Mommy, we're going to be going through a little rough patch of our own. There are going to be a lot of changes. But good changes. You'll like them." In more ways than you can imagine he thought to himself.

"And I promise you, I love you both more than anything else in the world and I will never, ever leave you. Promise, cross my heart, and here, let's pinky swear." He held up a pinky to each and they hooked them. "This is going to be a little bit hard on each of us, but if we do it together, the three of us, we'll get through it just fine. Now you two give me another hug. Wait! I need even another one." He held them tight to try and make them feel secure.

"I'll have to figure out how to get you to kindergarten and preschool and pick you up and things, but it'll all work out. You'll see." Other single parents do it, right? Heck, half the kids in school are in single parent homes. We'll be fine, he thought. "I'm sure she'll call and send you stuff to show you how much she cares while she's away." He didn't think she would and his eyes got tears in them to match theirs.

He was sad, sad because the girls were going to miss their mom and sad because he suspected that everything he said about her was a lie. That she wasn't going to call or anything else. "We're all going to feel sad. And we'll all miss her, together. Here, let's dry those eyes and go help Aunt Monica. Want to?"

The girls got up and shuffled into the bedroom where Monica was hurriedly pulling stuff out of the closet starting to take them off the hangers and folding them. "Keep the hangers, Monica. Are the boxes outside? She nodded. "I'll go get them and then maybe the girls can help a little bit."

"Sure, that'd be great."

"Did you drive over, Monica or were you dropped off?"

"Mom dropped me off so I could get the car. She...she was too upset to come in. We'll just pack all this stuff in her car. I'll have to figure out where to put it all at my place, but it's just me, you know, since Bryce left a couple of years ago." In a wistful voice, "What were we doing wrong, Bart? I didn't understand mine and I sure as heck don't understand yours. And a phone call? That's how she did it?"

"We should discuss it later if you want but not..." He pointed at the girls who were carefully taking clothes out of the drawers and placing them in boxes. The ears were always listening even if it didn't seem like it. Monica nodded. "Maybe after the kids are in bed."

They loaded Tiffany's car, clothes and jewelry, nothing else. "Please, Bart. I know this has to be hard and you were such a big help to me when Bryce left. Let me help you. If you need anything, anything at all, I'm just a call away. We can talk, I'll come over, help with the kids..." She started crying, "Bart, I just don't understand. How do these things happen?"

He sighed. One more person to support and console. "Come here, Monica." She put him in a death grip and sobbed. "We'll both get through this and find peace, happiness and love. We just have to try and live in the present, plan for a future that'll make us happy, and remember only the good things about the past."

"But it's been two years," she cried plaintively. "Two years! How the hell are you handling this so well? I thought you loved my sister?"

"I do, or rather, I did. I just kind of got it all worked out last night. It's gone, burned. She will be mentioned only for the sake of the kids. Every memento, every photo or picture of the two of us, the furniture we bought together...everything is going to be removed from the house as quickly as I can manage and a new Bart is going to emerge from the ashes of our relationship.

"What's the alternative? Wallow in it? Let it eat me alive for years? Nope. Over. Done. Just the way she wanted. Clean break. The kids and I have to build a new life. A life without Tiffany. Just like she's decided to do. Now, to be clear, I'm not criticizing the way you've handled it, but that's just not going to work for me. I need that clean break."

"So, how'd you do that? I keep falling down the hole again and again." He explained what had happened last night.

"Really?"

"Yup. I'm sure it's probably all in there somewhere, but I'm hoping it actually burned to ashes and every part of Tiff was washed away."

"I'm going to try it. Start throwing everything out everything except my stuff and then start the fire inside. Will you help me? Can you be my partner in this? We could help each, cover for each other if work things, doctor's appointments or other things pop up. Mom's helped, but it's not the same."

"Sure, but give me a chance to get my house in order and then I'm all yours. All yours as friends or family members. Not like, well, you know. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for that again." A flash of disappointed crossed her face.

"I understand."

AVA AND BART

It was a bright, sunny, Sunday morning as Rose wandered the aisles of the nursery, idly touching the plants and flowers when a tall man who'd been straightening some plants under the table suddenly turned and stood up in front of her. She froze.

"Well hi there little one. Love your dress. Beautiful pink dress on a Sunday morning. Coming from church?" She nodded.

"I'm not little."

Bart laughed, "No. No you're not. You're what, like six or so?" Rose simply stared at him and started acting nervous and looking around.

A slightly older girl walked up beside the man and punched his arm. "Knock it off, Dad. She's not supposed to talk to you." Turning to Rose, "Stranger, Danger! Right?" Rose looked at the girl and nodded. "Well, my dad's pretty rough around the edges, but completely harmless. His name is Bart. See it on his shirt? Right! There!" She poked it hard with her fingers to accentuate her words.

Looking at Rose, "My name is Hol..."

"E-D-."

Turning angrily back to her dad, "No, Dad! That ended at sunrise this morning. My penalty time has been served." Looking again at Rose, "Sorry 'bout that. Is your dad as lame as mine? He figures himself a real funny guy."

"Just my mom and I. And Grandma and Aunt Emily."

"A nest of girls! Heaven! Maybe my sister and I could move in for a while and get a break from this guy. He is an awful lot of work to raise and care for. Like having a big hairy dog in the house." Bart stood with a grin on his face while the two girls laughed.

"Anyway, my name is Holly. My dad says he named me that because I'm so prickly, but my sister's the prickly one. What's your name?"

"Rose."

"Love it. And love your rose colored dress by the way. My dad's bought my sister and I dresses in the past. We looked like we were ready for Halloween!" More laughter. "So we stick with pants and shirts. Safer that way. So where's your mom? Or did you drive yourself."

"I can't drive yet. That's her over there." Two rows over Bart saw a woman that made him stare. Blonde hair with a pony tail poking through a ball cap, long sleeved country shirt, and blue jeans. He watched as she gently bent over, cradled a rose blossom between her fingers and sniffed it. She wrinkled her face in disappointment then glanced up, noticed they were staring at her, released the rose and straightened, clearly embarrassed.

She locked eyes with Bart and they held each other's gaze for a few moments and then, "Dad! It's the flower sniffer! The one I've been telling you about. Rose, your mom comes here every weekend and sniffs the flowers doesn't she?"

"Yup. She loves 'em. But only wants to get the ones that smell good. She picks me up at church, we come here and she looks at everything, and then we go for a hike. Unless it's raining or something. Well, sometimes even then. We like the rain."

Ava walked up to the threesome, "Hi. So this is where my Rose wandered off to. Rose I've asked you not to go too far away from me, right?"

"Yes, Mom, but I was just over here and I've been talking with Bart and Holly."

"Thank you both for corralling her for me. I'm Ava. So from the looks of it, I guess you've been talking about me?" Bart looked embarrassed.

"Mom, they called you the flower sniffer!"

Instead of being upset, Ava burst out laughing. "Well, I guess I am. That last one didn't have much odor to it, but I just love the smell of that 'Neil Diamond' rose, not as much as 'Mr. Lincoln' or 'Don Juan', but none of mine have bloomed yet. Lots of leaves so shouldn't be long. So, Bart, your shirt is pretty official looking. I'm taking it you work here?"

"Actually, Ava, I'm the owner, for about four and a half years or so now. Uh, if I can, well you know, uh, help you with anything, just, uh, let me know." Holly gave her dad a weird look.

"Thanks, I will. I love your place, Bart, I..."

"So! There you are. Is this a closed meeting or can anyone join in?"

"Ava, this is my other daughter E-D-2."

"Daaaad! As you know, my time in the penalty box is over for that imagined behavioral issue you came up with. Hello, my name is Mackenzie, Mac. And you are..."

"Ava and Rose."

Looking up at her father, "Uh, Dad...?"

"'It's alright, Mac. Rose is going to call me Bart so it's alright for you to call her Ava instead of Mrs...."

"Logan. Ava Logan. So what's this E-D thing?

"Oh, just one of my dad's lame father funnies. Stands for evil daughter one and two. I think it's a Star Wars thing. WHICH HE HASN'T LET US WATCH YET, I might add. He always adds 'E-D-1 Kenobe you are my only hope, or something and it's R2-E-D-2. That robot or whatever. Look, Dad, I checked it out. No bad words, everyone keeps their clothes on and no graphic violence. Sooo....

"Anyway, very pleased to meet you, Ma'am, and Rose. Love the dress. So, Pops, are we about ready for our hike? I finished all my homework, practiced my vocabulary words and started working on that stupid biology stuff. i don't know about that biology."

"Yup. I guess so."

"We're going on a hike too."

"Really?" said Mac.

"Yup, we go every weekend."

Holly spoke up, "Uh, Father dear, is not this where you say something like," switching to a country bumpkin voice, "Gee willicers! Where's me manners? I reckon if we're gonna take a hike, and yu'uns are goin' on a hike, duh, maybe we could all like go tagetter or sumptin."

Bart smiled and just shook his head a little. Rose stared. Ava burst into laughter, again. He loved that sound and just stared at her again. "Oh, Bart." She touched his arm, "And just think, they're not even teenagers yet." Her laughter continued.

"Yes. Thanks for the invite, Bart. We would love to go with you, but I have to go to Fletcher Mountain if that's okay. I need to check out the fields and then check out the Spring wildflowers in the woods. Is that alright with you three?"

"Sure. Do you need to take Rose home to change?"

"Nope. Mommy always has clothes for me in the van."

Bart followed Ava to the parking lot at Fletcher Mountain. A number of other cars were already parked there. "Bart, I know you probably just follow the trail up the hill, so if you want to head out, go right ahead, but Rose and I need to swing around the edge of the field and check things out."

"No. It's fine. What are you looking for?"

"Herps. You know, snakes lizards, turtles, salamanders under logs and such. You girls want to help?"

They looked at each other, "Maybe we'll just watch how it's done this time."

"That's great. Won't be long. Come on, Rose. Let's walk along the edge and see what we find."

A short while later, "Snake! Mom! A big one." Rose dashed off chasing it through the grass and stepped on it. "I got it, Mom. I got it. Hurry."

"Good eyes, Rose. What kind is it?"

"Black racer. Too fast for a king or rat snake."

"Oh, joy." Ava got on her hands and knees to grab it, just as it wiggled free from Rose's shoe. "Dang!" She dove forward, grabbed it, and pulled it out of the grass. Half a dozen bites later, she had control of it's head and, "Rose, grab the bag."

The other three ran across the field to look. "What is it?"

"It's called a black racer. Fast and mean. Eats mice, lizards, all sorts of things. Look how smooth and shiny! Do you want to touch him, and looking at his tail it is a him, before I stuff him in the bag?" They hesitantly went up and ran their hands along him.

"Smooth. Cool. But, Ava, you're bleeding."

"No biggie. They have small teeth. I hate for him to do it because all their teeth point backward a little and he could get hung up and hurt his mouth, but his looks fine. Alright, into the bag. Ready to join the hunt?"

Uncertainly, "Uh, sure?"

"Okay, spread out a little and let's march along the field until we hit the trail. If you see one, call out or gently pin it with your foot. But not too hard. Don't want to hurt it." They looked doubtful.

A short while later Mackenzie yelled out, "Snake! I think I have it."

Rushing over, "Good girl! Let's see. Ah, a garter snake. They're a lot calmer than that other one. And shorter. Let's see...Good. And he didn't even bite me. Okay, now feel this one and tell me what you think."

"It's rougher. And not as shiny."

"Right. Look closely. Every scale has a little line down it called a keel. The racer didn't have that."

"Why are you getting these creepy things?"

"Because I host the Herpetology Club at the Community College and want a few things to show them tomorrow in case we can't come out here ourselves. Once we meet, I'll let these guys go, right where I found them."