All Comments on 'Office Whore Pt. 01: Monday'

I didn't think I'd like it, but following your suggestion I read it anyway. It's shit.

So what if some comment(s) are negative & some people don't like your story?

BDSM is not for everyone, punishment is not for everyone & humiliation is not for everyone...

White the stories you want to write & don't worry about what other ppl think.

4 stars (its not perfect, but damn good)

Wham bam thank you mam! no build up, no suspense no foreplay no imagination. Sorry. I know it's easy to critisize, trying to be constructive. Worth continuing.... probably .

I liked it give us more only add a few things to her Whore duties, first she has to do all the women in the office as well, second give her a bonus for rimming, and last but not least make her the company urinal, A $50 bonus if she drinks every drop and spills nothing. Give us chapter two Tuesday.xr5h50

Your author’s notes left too much on the table that your first chapter couldn’t live up too.

The content of your story and it’s pace were very good. The concept, although legalities aside, in non con stories is quite plausible. But what lost me was the terms and the timing of the event your lead character suffered in just one portion of one day. It became too much to suspend disbelief over. Example, using the math laid out in the story IF (and yes that’s a big if) she properly got all the acts and all the names right in her journal she earned $245...give or take a few. That means if she suffers this same humiliating abuse and use on a daily basis for 6 years 365 days a year (no time off, no period, no being sick, no NOTHING) she still has another almost full year after that left to hit $500K. A concept that hammers disbelief.

And let’s be honest you don’t intent to write nearly 2000 chapters about a day in the life like this last one...didn’t think so. So be careful with that portion of your story line and be ready to adapt it to address the time jumps that will be necessary. Poor timeline manage can kill even the best of stories.

Add a world of cell phones with cameras, office gossipers, and the hungry litigious people who would report this in so many differing legal ways ESPECIALLY when you wrote that the company didn’t “need bad publicity in today's market." REALLY?!?! But a company whore that every employee can take advantage of or straight to the authorities wouldn’t be bad pub?!?!

You cannot grip your audience, the way you hoped you could in those author’s notes, no matter how well you write and how sexy a scene is when the content is TOO far over the top.

Do not stop writing because of the harsh words of anon critics (including myself) you do have many good works and over time this one too can reach that state. Focus on the mindset and the reasons why this choice was the right one for your female lead. Find ways to deliver the pain, pleasure, humiliation, and joy that your strong female lead experiences. Dont rush the events and the sex. Simply find way to make your reader’s need to suspend disbelief easier and more authentic.

Thank you for sharing with us and I look forward to chapter two.

Thanks for the well thought out comment, it's always nice to have someone take the time to write up a response in the spirit of being genuinely useful.

I've read your concerns, and I will remember them. Suspension of disbelief is an important part of storytelling for me, and if tweaking some numbers and other small details makes that easier, then I won't neglect doing so when I move to publish this story.

I'm glad you're looking forward to the second chapter despite a bit of a rough start, I hope you enjoy.

C&D

Liking what I'm reading so far just wondering how long she would have to go to pay off a quarter of a million dollars at that rate

...it is realistic enough. I really enjoyed the action. Can't wait to read about Tessa getting her hands on Danielle. Keep it up!

although 3 on 1 is not a gangbang :P.

looking forward for more :D

I very much enjoyed your story. Love your ideas!

Boy this is off the charts. Not for my taste.

Utterly ridiculous, it would take a huge amount of time to pay off that debt at those rates. It’s not a real contract it’s rape.

So instead so she tries to struggle through for a day or two is hit by massive depression because she’s being raped repeatedly, daily and treated like shit so she writes a diary/ makes a video blog of everything that’s happened posts it to the press and then slits her wrists. It’s more believable than the story, I know I’d rather kill my self than be treated like that. There is no realistic survival of this scenario. The only plausible options are suicide or prison.....oh and gee whizz the boss doesn’t want the prison option because it’s bad PR!

While Danielle is accused of embezzlement, the story never explains her motivations or where did the money go.

As for the "contract", how would the company be legally able to enforce it? And it realy offers no incentive to Danielle. She is gang-raped on as daily basis and in debt for a lifetime. In "carrot and stick" situation, this story seems to be lacking the carrot.

Reading through some of the previous comments I find it strange that some people were critical due to the lack fo realism. This is an erotic piece of fiction, meant to entertain and titillate. I personally loved this story and the direction it took. Yes, the set-up was short, but that was just the framing device for the over all story. Cannot wait to read the subsequent chapters.

- need to be able to stand on their own merits, it doesn’t matter that it’s intended as a fantasy it has to be relatable and plausible to some extent. The reader needs to be able to empathise and identify with the characters and their motives.

Otherwise you might as well opt for the combination of a dozen monkeys in a room using typewriters to try and reproduce one of Shakespeare’s plays. If a story doesn’t connect with readers then it’s pointless gibberish.

As far as fantasies go they need to be either so outlandish and impossible that the story could never be reproduced so that involves the unknown elements such as alien worlds, the supernatural, time travel, alternate universe etc this allows the reader to empathise with the main character “stranger in a strange land”. The other option for a fantasy is to present it as a done deal and realistic/ achievable that kind of story includes elements like blackmail, bribery, kidnapping. The problem with presenting the second type of fantasy is the reader will still need to empathise and see themselves as the main character so if your main characters is being gang raped on a daily basis what would you do, how would you respond?

All good stories evoke emotions from the readers. Write down your ideas but don’t be surprised if people disagree. You’ve written a situation involving rape, a coerced signature does not equal consent so what you have is actual rape not a fantasy of rape that lovers might act out.

Tess (UK)

Simply outstanding. Nicely written, beautiful word play, and wonderful fantasy. I was delighted to read the words that came from Danielle’s mouth. A complex character for sure. Not enough character development to reconcile the missing money with a self-assured woman, but i’ll accept that it’s a tool to make the story and let it go for that. After all, it’s more of a fantasy for an imaginary good time.

You won’t regret reading this.

Believe me, this is just beyond hope. Fantasy has to have some basis in fact. All she would have to do is go to the authorities and she would be given immunity.

This too much

Juvenile Rubbish!

Twelve year olds write better than this

I'm willing to bet that Joe falsified the evidence in the first place.

Well, I even lost count of how many times she was raped in her holes today. How many times did those three guys use her for the two hours? She only wrote down 1 time but with times she has been used today it could have been about $500 or more. Hopefully her time will not cut into her personal time at home but I would not count on it happening.

Wish I could be Danielle.