All Comments on 'Transfer'

I would be better if it had some dialog. Otherwise it was ok.

Really liked the plot.

Nice and quick. Sometimes a quickie is good 🫨

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Tc

Total lack of respect and compassion shown for the aunt...the story teller is a self centered asshole.

Get an editor and learn proper punctuation. Also learn how quotations work. They are literally the words spoken, and nobody would say the sentence, "if she would like to come for a drive?"

He would say, "Would you like to come for a drive?"

Made it impossible to keep reading.

Also, a widower is a male. Caroline is a widow.

Good plot, needs to be filled in, much as Caroline needs to be filled in....

More detail

Why bring another man to fuck her, why ???

That is cuckish behavior.

Widower - Man who's wife has died.

Widow - Woman who's husband has died.

I stopped reading when you got that wrong in the first paragraph.

Terrible Don’t quit your day job

Well, at best, it's CRAP! First you don't describe the characters at all and you rush through every scene. Secondly the aunt might as well have been a blow up doll the way she hardly reacts to anything. Lastly, just because a woman has increased wetness doesn't mean she came yet.

My mother wanted me to just put it inside without permission to give her absolution.

I had Caroline ask Donna, "if she would like to join us, for dinner and some fun after?" - WRONG

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I had Caroline ask Donna if she would like to join us, for dinner and some fun after. - RIGHT

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I had Caroline ask Donna, "Would you like to join us, for dinner and some fun after?" - RIGHT

I gave it a three and honestly that is me being generous.

A good story is a marathon, not a sprint.

Nice your writing a part 2

"It was clear she hadn't had fuck since her husband passed away, with how tight she was." Just silly!

Whether a woman feels tight has very much to do with whether she has worked up sexual lust, yet. Lust (or actually expectation of penetration, which may also include unwanted rape) prepares the female organ for accommodating a penis by swelling of tissue and lubrication.

"I decided then and there to see if I could fuck her. If I did, it would be something to keep me till I met someone else."

This is, as already commented, such a self-centered that its a real turn-off. Using other people for own pleasure with no respect for their feelings. 2*