Home is Where The Heart Is

Paula had given me one of her huge smiles that always got me to smile back and said things like that were why she knew she could trust me. She then added that someone had raised me right. My smile faltered as I thought of Aunt Marie and where she was now. Paula seemed to sense she had hit a nerve and backing off the subject, offered to pick me up where she always saw me. I told her to get me further down the road at a seven eleven instead. When she asked why I shrugged and told her that she worked here and it would look bad for her if someone saw me get in her truck.

Paula gave me another smile, but this one different, not quite as big and almost a little sad. She told me how thoughtful I was and made a comment that she wished the other men in her life were that way. Feeling as if it were now me who had unwittingly hit a sore spot, I said thank you and told her I would see her the next day. When I went to bed that night, I felt oddly excited. If I had been thinking about the money I wouldn't have found it odd, but the fact I was excited about going to her house was what got me. I didn't think for a minute anything funny was going on, hell she was twice my age with a great job, and I highly doubted she was the type to go slumming.

I think what I was happy about was that I was going to get a chance to spend time with someone who genuinely seemed interested in talking to me; I would get to feel human for awhile. Paula picked me up right on time, with a coffee for me of course, and we drove to her house. She lived in Warwick in a fairly well to do neighborhood and she had not been kidding, her driveway was massive. In fact her house itself was pretty damn big, especially for someone who lived alone.

She invited me in to sit for awhile, but I told her I wanted to get started right away. Paula shrugged and pointing at a shovel propped up against the garage, told me to feel free to come in and warm up if I needed to.

While she was talking I tried to nonchalantly check her out. Up to that point, I had only seen her sitting in her truck. She was normally wearing a leather jacket, and scarf, and her brown hair was always up. I was disappointed to notice that I couldn't really notice anything. Paula was wearing a pair of jeans that were pretty loose fitting and a heavy shapeless grey coat. Although her hair wasn't up, it was pulled back in a pony tail, which at least gave me an idea of the length, but that was it. She wasn't wearing any makeup, and I had to say, she looked pretty good for her age, which I was guessing was early forties.

All in all she looked like the everyday woman next door. Well not completely, Paula did have two exceptional features, the first that amazing smile, and then the biggest brown eyes with the longest lashes I'd ever seen. I'd always had a thing for doe eyed brunettes, and caught myself staring as she spoke to me. Either she didn't notice, or was nice enough not to mention it; as she simply smiled and headed into the house. I shoveled my ass off and spent over three hours clearing the driveway as well as the front walk and a path to her garage. She hadn't asked for me to do the last part, but I wanted to do a good job, and it felt good to work hard.

By the time I was finished, I was tired and numb from the cold, but felt satisfied that I had done something worthwhile for someone who seemed like they would appreciate it. I went to the door and rang the bell, when Paula answered I told her I was all set and was going to go up the road and catch the bus home. Actually, where I was going to go was to see Aunt Marie. The home she was in was located in North Kingstown, three buses from Providence, but only one from here. Paula shook her head and said that she would take me home. Before I could start to argue, she added that she would only do that after I came in and had lunch.

I tried to hedge, but with a sly smile she reminded me that she hadn't paid me yet, and she forgot to mention lunch was part of the deal. I stood their uncertain, and trying to look upset, but her smile kept growing wider and eventually I gave a mock sigh and agreed. Paula hadn't made anything fancy, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, but it was the best meal I'd had in a long time because it didn't come in a wrapper. Paula sat across from me at the kitchen table and had a bowl of soup while making small talk about the weather and how bad the Sox looked and it wasn't even spring training yet.

Paula was doing most of the talking as I was concentrating on scoffing down the food. She asked if I wanted another sandwich and as I hesitated, she laughed and got up to make me one. While Paula stood over the stove I looked around the house. The kitchen was good sized, but the living room that was visible through archway was enormous. I didn't know much about wood and furniture in general, but nothing in the house looked cheap. I could see a hallway across the living room and several closed doors that I assumed were bedrooms.

As my eyes wandered across the furnishings I saw a mantle that had several pictures over it. They were all of two boys, one was blond, but the other had dark hair and was the spitting image of Paula. They looked around my age and were obviously her sons. I heard a phone ring, and turned to see Paul take her cell from her pocket. She turned away from me as she spoke and continued to cook. Taking advantage of her being distracted, I turned in my chair so I could see more of the living room. There were several framed photos on the wall of her boys; High school graduations, proms and a couple of nice ones with Paula posing with them.

My eyes lingered on one them in which she was wearing a black dress that was just a touch on the short side. I leaned forward, to get a better look and from what I could see, she had some nice legs. Her brown hair was down and I was surprised at how curly it was.

"You can go in there if you want." Paula had said behind me, scaring the shit out of me.

I turned around quickly and muttered something along the lines of I was just looking. I felt stupid; although I'm sure she didn't think I was checking her out in a picture. Paula put a plate with two more sandwiches down for me and again sat across from me. She looked into the room and told me that the pictures were indeed of her sons Josh, and William. They were a little older than me, and both were attending the University of Florida. As she spoke she sounded proud, but there seemed to be a hint of sadness there. In fact she looked the exact way I felt when I spoke of my mom or my aunt.

She had trailed off, and I was unsure if I should change the subject or not. Taking a chance that maybe she wanted to talk, I asked if they were close, and if they called often. I felt like an ass when she shook her head and said that they had not been close since the divorce two years ago. I had kind of figured she was divorced seeing I hadn't seen a picture of the father anywhere. I decided at that point that the only way my lips should be moving is if they were chewing and went back to eating and feeling like a jerk.

Paula however, kept on the subject. She told me she had married her college sweetheart, and had gotten pregnant within a year. Her husband was a successful architect and made excellent money, and wanted her to be a stay at home Mom. Paula had a business degree and by the time both kids were in school went back to work. She was still with the same company and pretty much ran the entire office. She also made good money, and the divorce agreement was that she kept the house in exchange for not pursuing alimony, and that they split the boys tuition.

I figured she would stop there, but to my surprise she continued by telling me that she hadn't been happy with him for years. He worked constantly, traveled for work and even when he was home they never went out and after a sigh she added that he pretty much neglected her in the bedroom too, leaving her feeling as if something were wrong with her. The bedroom remark had caught me off guard and I swallowed my food hard and fought not to choke. My first thought was that was information I didn't need to know, the second was why he would ignore her, she looked pretty good in that picture and was certainly nice enough.

Mercifully, Paula didn't notice me almost spitting out my food and went on to say that after his hours got longer, and he traveled even more, she started getting suspicious. Sure enough, she discovered quite a few restaurant charges on his credit card and found out he was not only cheating on her, but that it had been going on for years. I spoke up saying that, that was shame, but it was his loss. She told me I was sweet, but went on to say that the affair hadn't upset her as much as I would have thought. After all they had just been going through the motions for years.

What had crushed her was that Paula had found out that her sons knew, and had even met the woman. They had covered for him, and then seemed upset when she filed for the divorce. Paula said that at the time of their separation, both of the boys stopped calling as frequently as they used to and neither had come home to see her for Christmas even though they had come up to see their father who lived an hour away in Boston. With a bitter smile, she added that their feelings never stopped them from cashing the checks she sent them to help with their books, and they had no problem letting her pay for half their education.

I asked why she bothered, and with a shrug she said they were still her sons, she loved them and just because they were doing the wrong thing didn't mean she should as well. I nodded, although I didn't completely agree, that was definitely something Aunt Marie would say. As Paula began to tell me what her sons were going to school for, my mind wandered. I could care less what those ungrateful spoiled little pricks were studying. I found that I was as upset as she seemed. Over the last few months I'd seen more than my share of the crap that people could offer, and it disgusted me to see this woman being mistreated by her own kids. Never mind some asshole who obviously didn't appreciate what he'd had in her.

I guess I had gone a little too quiet and she asked if she were boring me. I gave her a smile and said that I could never be bored, listening to a beautiful woman. Paula laughed loudly, it was an infectious one and I found myself having a hard time trying to keep a straight face while I asked what was so funny. Paula told me I must be pretty good with the girls, because that was as smooth of a line as she had heard. I countered with the remark, that with her looks I was sure she'd heard her share of lines. She laughed again, but then shrugged and said she really hadn't. She'd dated one kid through high school and met her eventual ex husband her freshmen year at PC.

I pointed out that her divorce was a couple of years ago, and I was sure she would have made up for lost time so to speak. Paula rolled her eyes and said she'd had maybe a handful of dates since then. She wasn't sure where to meet someone, and she still felt a little nervous about the whole thing, having spent over twenty years with one person. I told her that was a shame, that a pretty woman like her should be having some fun. She told me that she had already fed me and would pay me, so I didn't have to keep flattering her. I responded with Aunt Marie's classic line of

"I don't have to do anything."

Paula laughed and said okay, she would accept the flattery. I told her that I was sorry for what happened, that someone like her deserved to be happy, and that wasn't a line I meant that. I took a chance and told her that I thought what her sons were doing was terrible, that they should appreciate her. I felt bad after I said it, but she nodded in agreement. Paula then looked at me and asked if I had any family. I hesitated, not wanting to get into it, but after looking at her, and realizing how much she had shared with me, I figured what the hell? If anything, it might make her feel better about her kids, after all they were nowhere near as bad as Aunt Marie's. Besides, at the end of the day when was the last time someone had seemed interested in my life?

Taking the last sip of my coffee, I began at the beginning, but made it as brief as possible. My father screwed when I was around five, ran off with his secretary was what my mother would later tell me. So I guess right off the bat Paula and I had something in common. Mom worked full time and did the best she could, but had a hard time making ends meet and we were constantly moving from place to place because she kept falling behind on rent. After we ended up staying with friends for a week, with no idea where she was going to live next, Mom's aunt Marie invited us to live with her.

Aunt Marie was Mom's godmother and had always been close to her. Aunty had two sons', who were a little older than Mom, but had both gotten married and moved to Connecticut. Aunt Marie had been widowed years ago when her husband died of a heart attack, and with the boys gone she was alone and told Mom she would love the company. Much like Paula's spawn, her boys barely called and only came to visit if they needed something. Aunty wasn't loaded, but her huge house in East Greenwich was paid off and she had a line of credit that she used to borrow off the equity. Also like Paula, she was generous despite her son's ungratefulness and helped each of them by their houses.

My aunt would baby sit me while Mom worked and we grew close. When I was thirteen Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was stage four when they found it and Mom went downhill quickly. With the exception of a couple of cousins Mom had no family and asked my Aunt if she would take care of me. Two weeks after Aunt Marie's lawyer filed the papers for her to become my legal guardian, Mom passed away. I was devastated, but Aunty was great and got me through those tough times.

For the next five years life was pretty good, I did fairly well in school, and did everything I could for Aunty around the house and ran all of her errands, while her kids may as well have been pictures on milk cartons. When I graduated high school my grades were not quite good enough to qualify for a scholarship, but Aunt Marie told me not to worry. Using some money from her house she paid for my first year at URI and told me that as long as my grades stayed good, she would continue right up to graduation.

The beginning of my freshman year was when things began to go to hell. Aunt Marie's memory had been slipping and she was starting to have periods of time that she could not recall what she had been doing. When I came home from school one day to find her half dressed wandering around the neighbor's yard I called her doctor. The doctors told me that she was in the beginning stages of dementia and things most likely were not going to get any better. We had nurses start to come during the day, but she was becoming progressively worse, some days not even recognizing me.

When my aunt had first started slipping I had called both of her sons, neither of which was too concerned. I got 'well take her to the doctors and let us know how you make out'. When I told them what the doctor had said they said to 'keep them in the loop' and they would try to make it down when they could. One day I came home to find the nurse cleaning up some glass, she told me my aunt had lost track of who and where she was and had gotten violent, throwing a plate at her. The doctor said it was time to call her sons and get their asses down there.

In retrospect, I would have been better off not even telling him she had kids. Hell, Aunty didn't remember them, and it's not like they cared about her. Instead, as she had raised me to do, I did the right thing and called them, telling them they needed to come and help out. They showed up and after talking to the doctor, decided the best thing for their mother, who had taken care of them their entire lives, was to stick her in a home. The doctor seemed to have the impression they were scum, but they were next of kin, and she really did need around the clock care.

With their mother now in a home, with no chance of getting better, the bastards decided that she no longer needed a house. Within a month they had sold it, leaving me with no place to live. They were sporting enough to let me stay while the house was for sale, if for no other reason then I mowed the lawn and kept it looking good, but when it sold I was told to leave.

Knowing the answer, but trying anyway, I asked them for a little bit of the money, so I could not only get a place but pay for at least another semester of school. Aunt Marie had told me many times she was going to leave me something, but right now she was still alive and not in her right mind, leaving the pieces of crap that had somehow been born to her calling the shots. The oldest, Brian, told me point blank that like a son, and being a son were two different things. He thanked me for helping his mother and gave me a check for a whopping thousand dollars. I would later find out the house had sold for over three hundred thousand and even after paying off the equity they had each walked away with almost seventy five thousand.

My aunt had not wanted me working too much while in school and I was only getting twenty hours a week at Stop and Shop, so no way could I afford my own place. Tammy still lived at home and most of my friends either lived on campus or home as well. I found a roommate through a friend and that lasted until he knocked up his girlfriend and she was in and I was out. I found a small efficiency apartment that I could barely afford, and continued to try to find full time work to no avail. Knowing there was no way I could afford to continue and heartbroken over my aunt's condition, I quit school and just tried to find a job. The Toyota that Aunty had given me as a gift for my high school graduation blew its transmission and unable to get to work on time, I lost my job and the rest as they say was history.

I had been looking down into my empty soup bowl as I spoke, not wanting to see Paula feeling bad for me. When I finished I felt her hand on mine and looked up to see her looking at me with tears in her eyes. Again I felt like an asshole, but had to admit that her hand over mine felt nice. Squeezing my hand hard Paula said softly, "Thank you Jamie."

Confused I asked her what for, and shaking her head she had answered;

"First of all for trusting me, but mainly for making me appreciate what I have. I sit around at night feeling sorry for myself that I'm lonely, and how unfair things are with my kids. Hearing what you've been through makes me see how much I have to be thankful for." She'd paused and added. "Your Aunt did a great job Jamie, because you're a hell of young man considering all you've been through."

As she spoke she hadn't moved her hand, and I was enjoying her touch. It had been a long time since I'd had any real human contact. I had the urge to turn my hand over so that I could hold hers, but figured that would look wrong. Instead I took a minute to fight back the emotions talking about my life had started to bring out. Paula asked where Aunt Marie was living and when I told her, she said that she knew where it was, and it wasn't far from her house. At that point, I told her that I was planning on seeing her from there, and should probably get going.

A disappointed feeling went through me as Paula removed her hand from mine, and said that sounded like a good idea. I thanked her for lunch and stood up, preparing to leave, when she told me to hold on so she could grab her coat. I told her she didn't have to walk me out. Paula rolled her eyes at me and said that she was going to grab her coat, because she was going to take me to see my aunt. I immediately told her no, I couldn't impose like that. Paula told me not to be ridiculous and not to be embarrassed; she would drop me off and go grab a coffee while I went in for a visit.