My Descent into Slavery Ch. 13

"It wouldn't be horribly surprising to me if Pierre was acting like the number one child, seeking your attention. Even though Edgar is a grown man and doesn't need Pierre's help in taking care of him, you might want to involve Pierre in some way so he doesn't feel neglected."

"How?"

"In any way you can get them to cooperate, without violating their own ideals," Dr. Sadiq said. "Cleaning you up after you've had sex with Edgar, perhaps cleaning Edgar as well if they're both willing to engage in mildly homosexual behavior. Preparing Edgar to have sex with you again, or prepare you for Edgar. Rubbing your backs after sex. Getting you drinks, then rewarding him for his help. Maybe it's waiting on both of you at some point."

"Pierre has reported to me he's had to suck a cock for a past Mistress if he was being punished or just because she wanted to humiliate him," I said.

"Yes, and I can see him doing it now, but I don't see Edgar ever accepting it."

"Oh, I agree that's climbing a huge mountain," I said, "and it won't happen in the course of a day, but if Edgar never has to be more than a passive participant, he might eventually agree. If it hasn't happened already, you might also try involving both men at the same time in your sex. Sucking Pierre's cock while Edgar is fucking you. Have Pierre lick your cunt while Edgar is fucking your cunt or ass. I know you'll get some wicked ass orgasms out of that. Or maybe just pay a bit more attention to him while Edgar's gone. Have him help you study for the Captain's exam or something. Hell, even using him as a foot stool while you're reading might do it. Rubbing your feet, washing you."

"I see what you mean. I'll work on it and see if it helps."

"Is there anything you'd like to see covered in our groups."

"I'm not sure. Something always comes up in group which I never thought about, but I can't think of something specifically."

"Try spending some time to think about it. I've been out of it for a few months and I need to catch up quickly."

"I will."

"Thanks, we'll see Yasmine now."

"I'll send her in."

She left and I turned to Dr. Sadiq. "Second Child Syndrome?"

"Tell me I'm wrong."

"No it makes perfect sense. I might have experienced it a bit when Miranda attached herself to Master. But I'm more aware of my own motivations and impulses. Plus, I genuinely liked Miranda myself, so I liked it when she became his submissive. But I do recall feelings of abandonment when it first started. Like any new submissive, he was concentrating on her to establish the D/s relationship. It eventually evens out, and to be honest, I think I'm Master's favorite. He has to work to give the others the time they should have as his submissives. I sometimes have to push him in their direction and it has helped to have Sahar creating another buffer. I think Master would be smothering me if he could now because he thought he lost me, but he wants to give Sahar and me space."

There was a knock on the door and I told Yasmine to enter.

She came in and gave me a huge hug. "Beth, I'm so glad you were rescued and that Mahmoud and Abdul were killed."

"Me, too," I laughed, hugging her back. "I thought my life was over."

"Is it true to pushed him out of the helicopter yourself?"

I glanced at Doctor Sadiq, hoping this was another thing he could keep to himself.

"It's true."

"I'm so glad he's dead. He was an evil, evil man."

"Yes, he was. Yasmine, I wanted to ask you about your groups and if you feel they are valuable to you?"

"I enjoy them a lot. They've helped me to understand myself more. One thing I have been unsure of, but would like the answer to, is if my submission is a result of my capture by Mahmoud and what they did to me there and at Jean-Paul's?"

"Perhaps indirectly."

"What does that mean?"

"I gave you a survey just after you joined us. It was in French, and I believe someone had to read the questions for you because you didn't read and write French, only spoke it."

"I remember."

"I developed that survey to help me determine the submissiveness or Dominance that people might have naturally. When you were given the survey, it showed you were naturally submissive. You may have never discovered this about yourself in your normal life. You might have remained ignorant of your true nature your entire life unless you met someone Dominant and began doing his or her bidding. Dominance and submission is not something you would have been exposed to naturally. Most men in Islamic countries would not have treated you like a submissive. You would have become a wife and mother just like your mother before you. Being captured exposed you to this world. If you had met the right person, you might have become a submissive anyway, just as you are to Captain Amundsen. But if you chose it for yourself, you would have set what your limits were and had a safe word to stop your Master if he was crueler than you liked.

"It's possible I would have remained ignorant of my true nature if I hadn't decided to study the topic for school. It's why you wanted to remain a submissive after you were freed. It's why Fatima has a submissive of her own. Her Dominant nature was suppressed by her slavery, but when freed, it began to express itself."

"Is it true I can leave the Captain any time I wish?"

"That's true. He only holds you by your own desire to be held. Does he mistreat you?"

"Never. He's very kind really. I sometimes think he should punish me more than he does. I sometimes think I would like to be married and have children. The Captain is married and he cannot have four wives, or perhaps he could marry me."

"You're right; more than one wife is illegal in our country. There are other things you can do. You could find a Master who could marry you. That's one option. Captain Amundsen would release you if that is what you wished to do. Another possibility is marrying someone who did not mind your submission to the Captain. I can't marry my Master, but I married Sahar and she doesn't mind that I'm submissive to Joshua. Nor does Edgar mind if Fatima has her own submissive. So if you found someone to marry you and they didn't care about your submission, that's your second option. The third option is don't get married to have children. Marriage is a social construct. It established rules for male-female unions and evolved laws to protect the people in those unions and their children. But marriages aren't necessary, even though they might be desired to raise children.

"If the Captain agreed, he could give you a child if he agreed to raise it as his own. He might even wish to do so. Lynn is done having children. Manuel and Sherry will want to have their own children. The Captain does not have a child and he may wish to do so. Like anything else between you, you can negotiate whether or not he'll give you a child and how he would intend to support it and you. In lieu of a marriage ceremony, perhaps you could have a bonding ceremony, where he makes promises to you and you make promises to him about your relationship and any children. He agrees to take care of you and your children. You agree to obey him and promise never to take his children away if you leave. If you decide you no longer wish to be his submissive, you would promise he could have visitation with the children as their father.

"I plan to have children with my Master. I know he'll support them and help raise them. To some extent, I consider Miranda's child will also be part mine, because my Master helped make him and we're both submissive to him. I would expect Miranda to consider any child of mine to be part hers for the same reason. No matter what happens in the future, I would be willing to let Miranda and Joshua remain a part of that child's life.

"By the same token, I can't give Sahar a child. If she wants to have one, I fully support her desire to have children. No matter who the father is, it won't make any difference to me. Her child will be loved by me as if it were my own. So even if you can't marry the Captain, you still have ways to have children, some involving marriage, some not. You are not as limited by the laws of Islam as you would be if living in an Islamic country. You have more choices."

"So I should tell the Captain I want to have children and see what he says?"

"Unless he knows your desires, he can't know what is in your heart."

"Do you think that Mistress Lynn would care if he fathered a child with me?"

"I don't know. You have to ask her. You are not a true slave, Yasmine. You have the right to ask for things. They may be refused, but they can always be asked. If you ask the Captain for children and he refuses, you can ask for your release and get a new Master, or no Master. You may be comfortable as a submissive, but you're not forced to be submissive, even if it is your true nature. You can live life as you choose. You can get married and be nothing more than a wife."

"Perhaps it's the new babies, and all the marriages we had, but it made me think about having my own. I'm glad we spoke."

We were finished with the bridge. We departed, thanking the Captain for his assistance. The one remaining slave was Farah. Rather than searching for her, I made an announcement over the PA asking her to meet us on the top deck spa since it was near the time for Felicity's massage appointment and I thought Dr. Sadiq might like to be nearby, or even present.

Arriving before Farah, Dr. Sadiq and I had a seat in the chairs by the spa. Farah joined us a minute later.

"What do you need, Beth?" Farah asked.

"Before I start leading groups again, I wanted to get a feel for where you are in your treatment and discuss any things you still hope to accomplish or would like to see covered in our groups."

"Sure. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"I know that you and Leo work a lot together now that you're hoping to learn how to fly. I noticed a hint of a romantic relationship with him at the wedding reception, the looks you gave one another. Are you developing romantic feelings for Leo?"

"I don't know how romantic the feelings are. We fuck more frequently. I like Leo. He's a good lover."

"Are you fucking him exclusively?"

"Just more frequently than any others."

"Who else are you having sex with?"

"Pretty much anyone who's single, male or female."

"More than one at a time?"

"About half the time, it's more than a single person. About a quarter of the time, it's another female, most frequently Darla, because she loves to fuck. The other quarter of the time, it's another male, because I love having two cocks in me at once."

"Is Leo ever part of these multiple partner sessions?"

"Fairly frequently with the two female pairings, only once with another male. He said he doesn't like to see other men fucking me."

"It sounds as if he's more emotionally attached to you, than you are to him," I said.

"Why do you say that?"

"It's more difficult for men to watch the women they're attached to, be fucked by other men, than it is to watch women fuck them. It's tied into masculine self-image, that they're not good enough to satisfy the woman they're with," I said. "Men who are extremely confident in their own masculine self-image may have less difficulty accepting a beloved partner having sex with another male. The exceptions to the general rule, are men who are submissive, like Pierre, or men who enjoy being a cuckold, which might be a subset of submission, although not all men who are knowing cuckolds are submissive.

"Other women in a sexual relationship are less threatening to masculine self-image and may even be a sexual stimulant. So Leo enjoys watching you have sex with women, but doesn't like seeing you with other men. If he didn't care for you, it might not bother him so much. If he mattered more to you, you might recognize his feelings and engage in sex with multiple men less frequently. That's why I suggest he cares more for you than you do for him."

"Are you suggesting that Leo loves me enough to want to marry me?"

"I don't know that for sure. They may be strong feelings without rising to the level of love or marriage. To a certain extent, he's still tied to the edict that the crew isn't supposed to ask you for anything. He may not be willing to lay a claim on you as a result. He may also feel that your desire to have sex with multiple partners means you're not ready to get married, and he's waiting to see if you get tired of it and want to settle down. Only Leo can tell you what his true feelings are and you might have to ask him yourself. He may choose not to tell you because he doesn't think you're ready to wed someone in a traditional marriage."

"Why does Joshua not care if you or Miranda have sex with someone else?"

"Master has an extremely strong masculine self-image, and, because he's our Dominant, he gets to decide with who and when we have sex with others. This means that if it begins to bother him, he can prohibit it. It's his choice, not mine, if I have sex with other men. He can prepare himself for it. He knows he won't walk in and find me fucking another man unless he's given me permission to do so. That control on his part makes it easier for him. It's why he was concerned if I wanted to remain his submissive. If I didn't, that control passes from him to me. Because of my own enslavement, I'm more prone to having sex with others. Since I have less self-control than I used to, I actually appreciate Master's control. He's more likely to ensure I don't become everyone's sex toy, instead of just his."

"Am I everyone's sex toy?"

"How much control do you feel you have over yourself? Do you engage in sex because you enjoy it, or because you need it. If you need it, you don't have control, and I suppose you're a sex toy. If you can stop yourself any time and do without sex, you're in control and you're not a sex toy. I would think your desire to engage in multiple partner sex is tied, in part, to your slavery, as you never would have engaged in multiple partner sex without it. But discovering you enjoy multiple partner sex doesn't necessarily mean you're a slave to it. There is a difference between use and addiction. If it's the only way to achieve sexual satisfaction, it's an addiction. If you can take it or leave it, it's enjoyment. If you do it roughly fifty percent of the time, I would think you're close to the edge of a sexual addiction, and could go either way. That's what you have to figure out yourself.

"I consider myself closer to the addiction stage, not feeling as if I have much control. I was begging for sex when I was first freed and Sahar helped me with that, so I'm glad I can put Master in charge of my sex, so it doesn't get out of control. Obviously, if you think this is a problem for you, we can start discussing it in group. Doctor Sadiq may also be able to address some things through hypnosis if you want to. He won't unless you say you want a change in your life. He's not partial to making life decisions for you, but will try to help you control your own decisions."

"Are you going to undergo hypnosis?"

"I didn't know how hypnosis would work for me without messing up all of my relationships, but Dr. Sadiq has a plan which might work. He wants to discuss the plan with Sahar and Master first, but I do believe I will be undergoing hypnosis."

Felicity came up to the top deck. It was about fifteen minutes before her massage appointment, but she had on a robe, with what I assumed to be the panties her Master had ordered. The robe was belted tightly, so nothing was visible, but her breasts wobbled below the cloth, so I assumed panties were all she had on.

"Good afternoon, Master. I hope I'm not disturbing anything."

"We're done," he replied.

"Felicity is your submissive?" Farah asked.

"She is," he admitted, "although ours is not the same as Beth's to Joshua. As Muslims, we avoid things which would be haram. Felicity asked to submit to me after we were on the ship in London. She is never a naked slave anywhere but in our home, and only I am present."

"Even slavery is not haram in the Qur'an," I said, "though it referred to involuntary slavery, not voluntary, but there is no reason Felicity can't submit to her husband."

I'd spoken to everyone I needed to speak to, so I took my leave and went to look for my wife and my Master. I found Sahar on Hogan's Alley, keeping her skills intact. I joined her for a while, my gun skills rusty from lack of practice. Eventually, I told her we needed to find Master so we could change his butt plug before supper.

He was in his cabin with Hannah and Delphine, discussing the business meetings he planned with British Columbia, the city of Seattle and State of Washington, San Francisco, California State government in Sacramento, and Los Angeles. Miranda was lying on the bed, napping.

He looked up when he saw us arrive, glanced at his watch and smiled, knowing why we were there.

"We'll continue this discussion tomorrow," Master said. "Beth is reminding me I have something else to do."

"Does it have anything to do with fucking?" Hannah laughed.

"Not so much now as in the future," he said enigmatically.

Hannah and Delphine left and Sahar got the next largest plug while Master undressed. I removed the old plug and washed it while Master bent over the bed for Sahar to insert the next one.

"He does have a nice ass," I quipped. "I can see why you want to fuck it."

Sahar laughed. "I know, a lot less hairy than Lars. Not quite as nice as a girl's bottom, but still a hottie." She eased the plug into Master's ass with some lube, then patted his behind. "You're good to go for another day, Joshua. You'll be fucking mine later."

Then, of all the times in the world to have a drill, the klaxon went off and "Man overboard, man overboard, report to your stations."

"Put on your pants, Master, you can delay long enough for that. Say you were helping Miranda."

Sahar and I rushed aft grabbing binoculars from the lockers, soon joined by several others, including Master and Miranda. Marilyn was also aft, as naked as I was, but looking less flustered in her nudity than she usually was when it was so blatant. She'd apparently been talking to Francesca and Belle, as they were all together.

I looked topside and saw Felicity, in a bathrobe, and Dr. Sadiq searching our wake for bodies as the safety briefing said. Apparently, she'd been on the massage table when the announcement was made. Roberta was beside them. The ship was making a turn to port.

After a couple minutes, I heard Felicity shouting, "There, there, I see a body."

She pointed in the direction she was looking, but didn't know how to describe it. Doctor Sadiq saw where she was pointing and yelled, "Between the nine and ten o'clock position, around four hundred yards from the ship."

The small watercraft were already in the water and headed in the indicated direction as instructed from the ship. They quickly found the dummy floating on the surface, bringing it back.

"Congratulations to Felicity Sadiq for locating the dummy first," the announcement came. She was jumping up and down and hugging her husband, her bathrobe becoming a little loose in the process and exposing more skin than her husband was comfortable with. He held her still and wrapped the robe more tightly.

We returned the binoculars to their storage compartment and went back to Master's cabin, where he dressed for dinner. He ran his hands over my body for a few minutes, sighed, and we headed for the dining room, escorting Miranda. Once there, he had a whispered conversation with Lynn. Within fifteen minutes, everyone else was there and the food was brought in for service.

James and Maahnoor were both serving tonight, along with Sherry and Reggie. Once again, Master couldn't feed any of his slaves, due to Marilyn's presence.