Honeymoon Hoax Backfires

"Man, you are a stand-up guy, Matt. Good thing we met you, 'cause we were a little...uh...directionless. So much cool shit to do here, and we have the run of the place, y'know?"

"I do, I do. I am surprised you're feeling lost by day three. Most couples meticulously plan every minute of their break."

"Yeah, well," Alicia spoke up, "I'm sure they want every single dime they spend here to be worth it."

"There is a miserly aspect to it, yes."

"So tell me, Matt, why us? I mean, we're just some nobodies from the States. This place is packed with loads of folks on vacation, isn't spending an entire day with just one couple overdoin' it?"

"God don't get me started, 'cause I won't shut up! Spend as much time as me working here and you build up a tolerance to rich people's bullshit...but every now-and-then..."

"You need a break."

"Mm-hmm." Matt sipped his drink.

Jake nodded, understanding his plight. "Year after year, it would be grating if you didn't have a chance to shoot the shit with normal people."

"Exactamundo," Matt finger-gunned Jake to emphasize his point, "you're not like 'em." His face beamed, a huge smile spread across the lion's mug. "You're in the prime of your lives. You just married. You won a fabulous vacation. This...this...is livin' the dream. And you appreciate it!" He looked earnestly at the pair of them, alternating his gaze between Alicia and Jake. "You make a great couple. I'm jealous. You sexy things." He capped off his praise with a sly wink.

"Is that flirting, mister?" Alicia narrowed her gaze.

Matt laughed. "You should be more worried about me stealing away this darling stud right here," he wrapped an arm around Jake for effect, "than thinking I'd pull any move on you my dear!"

"Still chattin' up our guests Matty?"

"Knock it off Sal!" Matt turned to address the newcomer: a white-furred mouse with a petite frame. She'd appeared out of nowhere at their table. Matt, sensing his guest's confusion, and being the courteous and accommodating host he was, clarified the situation: "let me introduce my good friend, Sally."

"The island's resident nerd," the mouse added.

"C'mon. Don't call yourself that Sal, you're puttin' yourself down."

Sally glided over to their table, borrowing a chair from nearby. "You've been away from the rest of the world for too long Matty. Nerd shit is cool now."

"I'll take your word for it then."

"Mind if I sit?" she asked, taking her place beside the others.

"Not at all. Be nice to have a fresh face to talk to," Alicia chirped, "we're getting bored with ol' Mr. Kitty-Cat here."

"Very funny," Matt sarcastically responded, "taking you two out for drinks wasn't the smartest idea now was it?"

"Matty! You started without me!?"

"Sorry," Jake interrupted, "what going on?"

"Sally here has a streak of party animal in her. She wasn't gonna turn down an opportunity to make new friends and share a drink or two."

"So what's your connection?" Alicia quizzed the two staff members, "colleagues?"

Matt nodded. "We work together most of the time. When I started — which was...oh...six years ago — I mainly bar-tended. Then Sally joined us and a switch kinda flipped in my head after taking her under my wing. Decided I should aim for more than a bartender. As you two know well from today I moved into professional photography and (sometimes) guided tours. I handle the majority of the resort's official photo shoots."

"Yep, Matty likes his cameras, been like that since I met the guy. Myself? Came here three years ago after travelling the world. Back-packing for seven months straight. Once I found this place though, hah, I never left! The Isles are a killer place to work. The location alone is...is..."

"Amazing?" Alicia suggested.

"Yeah, it sure is."

"Sally tends towards the more techie side of things—"

"Hence: nerd."

"Yes, thank you...where was I? Oh yeah, Sal's hobby is videography. A popular service we offer to couples is creating films of their time here. Part of it, at least. She puts together the films and makes them pop!"

"You flatter me."

"Shh," Matt swiped at her incoming paw, Sally hoping to land a playful slap on his leonine features. "I'm not done yet. She even has plenty of medical training. First aid and such. Her background was in nursing, in fact."

"How'd ya end up here? Get caught filming your patients?" Alicia joked.

"Oh you...you are just a treat," Sally giggled, "no, just wanted a fresh start."

"Is there a lot of call for that?" Jake asked, "the medical stuff?"

"There can be. Y'know, emergencies. They tend to just happen. I prefer general medical duties. All part of the service here. But none of that compares to film-making."

Matt leaned over the table. "There are — of course — many types of films we produce here. Folks might want us to record them having a fun time at the beach, or diving among the reefs, but there are more...ahem...intimate offerings. All above board. All legal, in case you were worried."

Not wanting to bring up troublesome memories, ones the pair had spent their walking tour of island trying to forget, Alicia and Jake attempted to steer the conversation back to 'safer' topics.

It failed.

"Matty, Matty! These guys do the sexy photo shoot yet?"

"Sure did, took 'em myself."

With a fake smile, Alicia engaged the nosy mouse. "That was part of the vacation package we won." She turned to Jake to make a snarky aside: "apparently..."

"Oh wow you won the giveaway! Cool." The penny dropped. Sally snapped her fingers in a victorious manner. "Aha! That's why you guys are so chill!"

Jake rubbed his head. "Ach, c'mon Sal...Sally right?" he tripped over his words, "I've gone out hiking and played sports with the other guys, they're not that bad."

"Trust me, spend awhile workin' here and—"

Alicia cut her off: "yeah Matt gave us that spiel."

"Well it's true! So Matty, how'd you sniff 'em out?"

"Simple. These two," he said, pointing to Jake and Alicia, "exude it."

"It?" they asked in unison.

"Passion, affection, looking like you want to be here, looking like you belong. Y'know, love. Don't get me wrong this whole place is amazing and you are so, so lucky to get a chance to visit but many couples are trying to make somethin' of their brand-new marriages that, frankly, just isn't there, and likely won't ever be."

Sally made a 'come hither' motion, instructing them to lean in close to hear what she had to say. "Gold-diggin' hoors," she whispered.

"Not how I would've phrased it, but...uhhh...yeah, sums up the attitudes of an awful lot of people who come here."

Alicia looked at them. "You two are really...open with all this."

Matt held up his coconut and shook it, rattling the straw and tiny paper umbrella. "Second round. We're starting to get talkative. Now the night's getting interesting!"

* * *

Escorting their honoured guests home, Matt and Sally dropped the sloshed foxes off at their holiday home in the wee hours of the morning. What a night, they both thought. Jake had opened up more than the socially timid guy would admit. And Alicia? She certainly showed her true colours as the rambunctious and outspoken vixen she was. The fun and games, like most things, came to end. Sad faces all around when the bar closed.

As they departed, wanting to grab three or four hours shut-eye before the hustle and bustle of tomorrow, the lion and his mouse companion looked back at the apartment...

"They're gonna love tomorrow."

Week 1, Day 4:

The following day started unpleasantly. The shrill cry of the alarm clock on the bedside table shattered the peace and quiet. Jake forced himself to rise, tearing his complaining body away from the comfort of the bed. He placed his foot-paws on the timber floor and cracked his toes. Checking the bedside alarm while he yawned, he slammed down hard on the 'off' button. The time was seven o'clock. Stumbling out of bed, half-asleep, head throbbing, Jake found his balance and proceeded to dress. Somebody had smashed a brick over his head — that's what his hangover felt like. His mouth was bone dry and there was this strange, ever-present smell of asphalt burned into his nostrils. Whatever he'd swigged to cap off his night drinking, it wasn't pleasant!

Clothes on, headache at maximum, he nudged open the bedroom door. Out into the main room he shuffled, trying not to stub his toe on the dimly-lit furniture. The room was mostly dark; thick blinds were pulled across the apartment windows to shield its weary denizens from the harsh tropical sun. The zombified fox crept over to the crude sofa-bed, where Alicia lay. Her blanket half-covered her sleeping form, having been tossing and turning in her slumber. She'd discarded some of her clothes in the heat of the night, with only a tank-top and short shorts remaining. Seeing her now — after all that happened yesterday — Jake felt funny.

What on Earth have we gotten ourselves into?

Creeping around the makeshift bed, Jake caught a glance of side-boob through her tank-top. As if on cue she shifted her arms and upper body, causing her chest to wobble gently as she adjusted her sleeping posture. Jake gulped. The sight of his sister, so alluring, enraptured with whatever dream occupied her resting mind, brought strange wants...strange needs to the forefront of his thoughts. Snap out of it dude, he scolded himself, put what happened behind us.

His joints creaked and complained as he walked softly. And there was an irritable feeling between his legs. Looking down, he saw his ruby-red manhood spearing through the opening in his boxers, having burst through the buttoned flap at some point last night. Oh geez. He walked stiff-legged to the far side of the room, carrying his morning wood like a bomb with an easily-disturbed detonator. Keeping the noise to a minimum, lest he wake Alicia, he took a deep breath.

Antarctica. Polar bears. Skiing. Uhh...icebergs...

A full minute passed as he tried to wait out his boner.

Icebergs. Ice cream. Ice cubes...ice tea...

Entering the kitchen area, he opened the fridge door with a great deal of caution, allowing a blast of frigid air to wash over him. It helped. The warmth between his thighs died down, and his member retreated into his furry sheath. And not a moment too soon, as his sister was waking up. When it had returned completely to a non-erect state he glowed with triumphant joy. The day had been saved!

"Jake, is that you?"

"Yeah it's me. Just checkin' the fridge for something to eat."

"Ugh...what time is it?" she asked as she stretched her limbs and yawned.

"It was seven a few minutes ago."

"Jesus, why'd you wake me up? My head's killin' me!"

"Sorry sis, I couldn't go back to sleep after the alarm went off."

"It went off?"

"Uh-huh, didn't you hear?"

"Bro, a fuckin' power drill wouldn't wake me when this gal needs her beauty sleep."

Jake chuckled. "Well excuse me for wanting to make the most of our vacation. Y'know they only hold diving tours in the morning, right?"

"You want to go diving. Are you not completely hungover after last night?"

"Well, I was completely smashed after all. I'm not Superman. If Superman can hold his liquor. Can he? Because that analogy only works if—"

"What the fuck are you even talking about!?" Alicia snorted. She lifted herself off the couch, and shambled over to the kitchen counter, where Jake was rifling through packets of ham and cheese. "Besides, I don't think they let you dive if you've got alcohol in your system."

"That was an example, Alicia. First thing that jumped into my head. There's plenty of cool shit like that I still haven't tried yet. I intend to make the most of our trip, even if I have to put up with your attitude the whole time. Was your idea after all."

Alicia stuck out her tongue and pulled a face. Jake ignored her and fixed himself a sandwich. The splitting pain in his head had yet to subside, so the clatter of the knife on the cutting board resonated inside his skull — amplified a thousand times. His sister was similarly fucked. Dazed, bloodshot eyes, cranky as all hell. Alicia swept around the counter and pushed him aside, wanting her turn to stare into the refrigerator.

Jake munched away on his breakfast. "Ack. Mouth feels like it's full of sand."

"Have you checked that it isn't? We are staying at a beach resort." Alicia grinned. "Sure ya didn't face-plant on the way home?"

"Hey, I may have been blind drunk. In fact, we both may have been blind drunk. But that doesn't mean I'd be clumsy enough to fall flat on my face. I'd remember that!"

"Oh right yeah...mister 'perfect balance'. Give me a break! We probably had what's-his-name...Matt carry you home while ya sang sea shanties."

Jake powered through the rest of his sandwich; his tongue felt really dry and raspy. "Should've drank somethin' first," he muttered with his mouth full.

"That's why I'm the smart sibling," Alicia remarked. She set up the apartment's blender and got to work creating a hangover cure. Jake tried his best to follow what she was pulling out of the cupboards but soon lost track in his groggy state. There were eggs — he knew that much — and was that a pickle? "Cover your ears bro," she warned before turning on the blender at full speed. The ingredients swirled and mixed together into a dark, disgusting green slop.

She poured it into a tall glass and swallowed the whole sorry lot in one go.

"FUUUUCCCKKK!" she roared.

"Aahh," Jake clamped his hands over his ears, the fox grimacing in pain, "too loud!"

"Belch. I think I got the recipe wrong." Smacking her lips with a distasteful expression, she condemned her DIY smoothie. "That tasted foul. Ugh."

"The smart sibling..." Jake muttered under his breath.

"And by the way," she continued, "you're one to talk about noise Jakey-boy. I wasn't the one setting their alarm clock to seven in the god-damn mornin' after a bender."

"I thought you said you didn't hear it."

"I didn't. I did have to hear you bitching 'bout it though. I'd have hucked the fuckin' thing across the room."

"Well anyways, from what little I remember it was a fun night."

"Yup. The others were great company."

"Sally and Mitt...Matt?"

"Matt."

"Gotcha."

"Seems like a nice guy. From what I've seen of him. Dunno much else. Kinda unobservant, ya dig? Takes a lot of things at face value."

"I got that vibe from him too. On the bright side, we haven't blown our cover yet. He's easy enough to fool. Even after...err...ahem..."

"Yeah, let's not talk about that."

"I didn't mean to bring it up. Sorry. Wanna go somewhere to take our minds off it?"

Alicia's ears perked up.

"Beach?"

"Beach."

* * *

Brother and sister relaxed at the beach, reclining in sun loungers while a large parasol protected them from the blistering heat of the sun. Their hangovers were a thing of the past, having become milder and milder as the day went on. They watched the other couples frolic at the beach. There weren't many at this time of day, and those who wanted to be at a beach could find other, more impressive spots on the island. The renewed peace and quiet was welcome, though.

In order of appearance there were: two panthers, two eagles, one pit-bull with a Savannah cat in his arms, another two eagles, a large elephant couple, a gang of canines of different breeds with a volleyball net in tow, more eagles, another large feline couple (possibly cheetahs), and a group of otters.

"What's with all the eagles dude?" Alicia asked her brother.

The fox adjusted his shades. "Why the fuck are you askin' me? How would I know?"

"Eh," she shrugged, "seems like a big coincidence."

"Then it probably is."

"Just wonderin'. Could be a cruise ship stoppin' by or something."

"C'mon, Alicia, let me rest! I just wanna go for a snooze while the temperature's not completely unbearable."

"Okay fine. I'll keep spying on the beach-goers. Oooh, look over there," she pointed out a gorgeous Komodo dragon couple, "check them out."

"Wow, they're a pretty rare sight."

"I know right? They must be loaded, wherever they're from. Their clothes are very high-class."

This game of spot-the-species continued, much to Jake's chagrin.

"Hey," Alicia poked her brother to get his attention, "think about it. If we keep our cool for three more weeks — no fuck-ups — we'll be flyin' home with a nice slice of the money pie ourselves."

The term 'fuck-up' was a telling one. If they'd suffered a slip in their web of lies, especially when things got heated yesterday, they were done for. Neither of them knew what the consequences would be, but there would be consequences. They assured each other there was nothing weird going on, that what happened was a fluke, a freaky once-in-a-blue-moon embarrassment of epic proportions. Put that to one side, and they could enjoy their remaining time at the Starlight Isles.

Alicia yawned and made a bunch of sniffling noises as she rubbed her nose, mashing it between her hands. Jake lowered his sunglasses, looking in her direction.

"Matt's on my mind again."

"What's his deal anyway?" Jake pried.

"Dunno."

"Yeah, can't quite see why he likes us so much. Are we actually the least asshole-ish guests here?"

Fortunately out-of-earshot for that remark, their companions from the night before had arrived, and at present were strolling towards the two foxes.

"Speak of the devil."

"Matt? Sally? What are you—?"

"Found you!" The mouse's voice was jolly and uplifting. "We were waiting for you back at the apartment."

"Is there something we were supposed to show up for?" Jake asked, rubbing his forehead.

"Guys. Don't tell me you've forgotten already?"

The shared a look of unease. "We...uh...may have. It was a long night."

"Ack! That's no way to enjoy your vacation," Matt admonished them, "come on, get your lazy butts movin' 'cause your running late already. Follow us!"

The two staff members walked off the beach at a hurried pace. The Newells scratched their heads and debated whether to go or not. With the figures of Matt and Sally growing smaller and smaller, they decided to see what they had in store for them.

Walking home, they shared what they knew.

"We may have agreed to some stuff last night."

"Do you remember what that 'stuff' was?"

"Nope."

"Oh great."

"Let's just play along, it worked the first time."

"Sure, and there's a nagging feeling in the back of my mind tellin' me it's gonna be another romantic activity for couples at this resort. I'll just ignore that too!"

"Jake, not so loud. There're other folks about. I don't want people asking questions 'bout why we're so fuckin' antsy."

"Whoops! Sorry. You owe me, though. That 5% better be worth it."

They laughed their worries away, but Jake was deathly serious beneath that jovial exterior. What the fuck had they gone and signed up for now?

Matt and Sally had already put a fair distance between the two groups. Realising this, they stopped to wait.

"You two comin' or what?"

"Hold on, hold on," Alicia shouted, "stop walkin' so damn fast."

Catching up to them, Alicia failed to hide her fearful expression. Matt, for once in his life, picked up on somebody's inner worry.

"Now, as part of your honeymoon package, your names were put down for this. It's not set in stone, but I worry for you guys, you seem really nervous."

"Nah, listen, s'all good," Jake said, out-of-breath.

Matt was nothing if not considerate. Won over by his genuine charm, they agree to take part — not really knowing what was going on. What were the odds of something worse than the photo shoot happening anyway?